Crow Thoughts at 5 Am

Fuck me and all that I stand for, I don't wanna

I consider this evolution at its finest. Who wants to actively go to church other than virgins trying to do some Christian mingling and middle aged mothers looking to torture their kids for having to audacity of being born.

nobody’s dick is big when you think of how small we are in the universe

Don't make statements when you don't know they're true. Much like the Buddha, my dick is ONE with the universe.

You've left me no choice, i've expended my mind, body, and gas to bring you this pizza and you dare not tip me even a single dollar? Prepare to kiss your broke ass goodbye

So thats what they've been feeding the frogs

What they don't know is that Shaggy's packing heat in that dress.

Will that be with or without bones

rb if u hates terfs

Rb if you support trans women and think they’re wonderful🥰

Me and my murder hate turfs

He lunged after my cock like he was a polar bear. And I was the last coca cola on earth

This man was making the soundtrack to his own death

one time i was in a pub in london and saw lemonade on the menu and i was like mmmm lemonade!!! but i’ve been to australia and been tricked before so i was like hey is this actual lemonade lemonade or is it just sprite and she was like it’s actual lemonade so i ordered some and she brought it back and it was sprite. i hate england

They just meant it didn’t have lime in it

sprite has lime in it wym

honestly only americans who have been to england or australia or new zealand understand the frustration.  Also you literally can’t even explain to them what real lemonade is. they simply don’t get it

i’m actually not american i just have functioning taste buds. but GOD HONESTLY like “sprite is a type of lemonade because it has lemon flavouring in it!” no. go to jail. lemonade does not have lime and corn syrup in it, and it’s not carbonated. that’s not a sweet refreshing summer beverage, it’s canned sadness. 

These guys are honestly right. In Australia there is nothing that even closely resembles American “lemonade”. You’d have to make it yourself. I only vaguely know how to make it from American cartoons and it’s never sounded even slightly appetising. I guess it’s like Vegemite. You have to grow up with it.

If you’re insinuating that lemonade is like vegemite than you’re an idiot that has never tried lemonade. 

god bless you

I want my ass in this immediately

Realistically speaking: This chair wields to much power. imagine seeing someone in that, coming at you at 70 mph. Not even the police would try to stop them. They'd be busy cleaning the shit they've just expelled, while i dash by them in said chair and spit at them, the french bastards.

Can we PLEASE just stop pretending Arbys is real, it’s not! I’ve wiped it from the simulation! Move on! NO YOU DIDN’T KNOW ANYONE WHO WORKED THERE, THEY DON’T EXIST

Hey I’m pretty sure I’m real

You can’t fool me. If you’re real then where are you hiding the meat? I don’t mean the stuff you microwave, i mean the REAL meat

In a wheelbarrow behind the store

Nice try satan, trying to get me to go to the back of an "Arbys". I'd rather go the the back of a Dennys, and there's nothing but pain and misery back there.

Can we PLEASE just stop pretending Arbys is real, it’s not! I’ve wiped it from the simulation! Move on! NO YOU DIDN’T KNOW ANYONE WHO WORKED THERE, THEY DON’T EXIST

Hey I’m pretty sure I’m real

You can't fool me. If you're real then where are you hiding the meat? I don't mean the stuff you microwave, i mean the REAL meat