A Jabberwocky Good Enough For Jehovah
(The Nights That Say "Let Me See")
By Bocephus Jackson, The Hemlock Bard, ©2026 Bocephus Jackson. All Rights Reserved
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." â Voltaire
"So tell me, does this quest involve singing? I do a 'Brave Sir Robin' that will put a hole-ly ghost into the hearts of those damnable French taunters...â the Bard chuckled.
King Arthur sojourns through the countryside searching for knights. The Round Table in Camelot was in grave need of fresh recruits. Dark has been the hour cast upon the kingdom.
"Nothing? Is this thing on?! Okay, fine. Clearly, your predilections swing more toward the baguettes. No judgment!â
The village's streets were filled with peasants darting about, tending to their daily chores.
Wearing weathered faces and slumped posture, each carried the plight of a broken people. âWe dine well here in Camelot. We eat ham and jam and spam a lotâŠâ
"Yes, yes. That will do, Bard. We have business to attend to." Lancelot's face scowled. It's the tenth century, gripped by internal politics and a looming war; England is in a dire state.
âI miss my love, but sometimes I need this. She can be insufferableâŠâ Sir Bedevere sighed. In the distance, the castle's silhouette lingered through a hazy veil of mist.
âDonât like her? Whatâs wrong with her? Sheâs beautiful. Sheâs rich. Sheâs got hugeâŠtracts of land.â Sillius Soddus stated matter-of-factly.
âTend to the horses, Groom. Not our affairs.â Lancelot chided. The Hemlock Bard's amygdala was having an ADHD moment. Standing in the center of the village, surrounded by onlookers, the tension was palpable as he strummed his lute:
âThere was a woman from Wales,
Oh, how doth her breast swell,
But poxed with nether scales,
Her husband's now in hell...â
âHe died due to asphyxiation,
Brought on by a violent cough,
Not choosing self-gratificationâŠ'
âBoo! Toss off, your rhymes stink worse than day-old fish and chipsâŠâ came a cry from the crowd.
ââŠOh bloody hell, fucking sod off! Tough crowd. Fair enough.â The Bard scoffed. Some of the more pious villagers gasped, covering their children's ears.
âHis limmericks are so squirrelly, they will turn us into a newt,â Incontinentia suggested.
âA newt? Those are amphibians, not mammals, you daft twit!â Sir Bedevere chided.
âI'll do better.â Incontinentia Buttocks conceded.
A crowd had gathered, paginated by Bible-thumping bishops from the local monastery, reciting scripture. "Fine! How about this classic? It's not Frank Sin-atra, but it earns a Bardic Rub..â
âThe pope feels most alive,
When drunk within the Holy Spirit,
Buried in a Vatican Archivist,
Moaning loudly for all to hear itâŠâ
A raven flew overhead as the disquieted silence grew as a storm cloud overhead. Several bishops were muttering psalms in between scathing rebukes over the lewdness of the bardic verse. âAlright, letâs do a sacred song then.â
âNot my best verse, you suggest?
This is a tough crowd indeed,
Regarding the Vatican mistressâs breasts,
Sheâs skilled in making the serpent bleed.â
âSo think before taking a bite,
As salvation and sin marry,
But wear a rubber through the night,
Or the Devilâs child she will carry.â
âEnough, damn you!â Aghast, the village's priest, Father Epstein, approached. His left eye repeatedly twitched with a disapproving glare. âBard, might I have a word with you, my misguided child?"
"Me, father? I'm not a choir boy, so no preying on this altar. But I fear that you are about to offer me some sacramental whine..."
The priest's face turned red while he clutched his rosary. "Such vulgarity, Bard. Have you no decency?! It's... It's scandalous impropriety!"
"Easy there, Cardinal Captcha! Your prescriptive messianic morality is ill-placed. You don't even have a cross..."
"You dare defile the ears of these God-fearing folk with your... your bawdy bardic filth? I'd pray for you, but it would be a wasted breath."
"Easy there, Padre Pneuma. I don't want you to choke on your righteousness." The villagers began to murmur amongst themselves. A few random souls were laughing behind their hands, while others nodded along with the priest, marking their chests with fingerprint traces of the cross.
From the crowd, "Oi! I liked it! Reminded me o' me ex-wife! The familial sow is better company, but damn if I don't miss her!" A large, gruff peasant cried out as a single tear donned his cheek.
A local shopkeeper named Thomas had wandered out, surveying the commotion. âWhat will they do to him? An onlooker responded, âOh, he'll probably get away with crucifixion.â
âCRUCIFIXION?â Thomas questioned incredulously. The onlooker nodded solemnly, âYeah, first offenseâŠâ Not to be deterred, the Bard continued:
'The Padre wants me flogged,
Put in a compromised position,
I can already see his unholy log,
To plant seeds to their fruitionâŠâ
"Blasphemy!" The priest whirled around on the peasant before quickly turning. His face grew taut, weighing a hard-won damnation, smiting a bravodic bard versus smacking him with a hymnal. "One more verse like that, and I shall see you flogged indeed for public indecency!"
From the back of the growing crowd, a few drunkards were humming the tune, playing with the lyrics. "Hey, cease and desist... That's copyrighted material. Nay, knock yourselves out!"
âWho made you the Almighty, Vicar?â Thomas issued, folding his thick arms about his chest.
âI dare say, no one⊠But I am the Chosen One within this communityâŠâ
âWell, I didnât vote for you.â Another onlooker shouted.
"And now for something completely different, you've got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals!" The Bard announced.
Farmer Daleâs voice emitted from the crowd, "I'm not..." As the crowd pondered the Bardâs words. Even in free verse, his words carried an air of democratic spirit.
âHe speaks like a barbarian⊠A road less traveled, he suggests. Why the nerve of him!â
âToo right, madam! Next, heâll suggest that hope is a thing with feathersâŠâ
âYeah! Or that we should rage against the dying of the light!â
âSee what you have started? Whatâs your next move, Bard? Is the devil whispering another lascivious limerick? Hellfire seems to follow you..." With a smirk, the Bard began playing again.
"Blessed are the cheesemakers, Chaplain CurdâŠâ Turning toward the crowd, he played the Diabolus in Musica, the Devilâs Note (a tritone spanning six semitones between the flattened 7th note and the 3rd forbidden by the Catholic church):
'Hardly one that is infallible,
You don't see this irony as funny,
Yet Grace is forever malleable,
As outstretched Silly Putty.'
'Too little and everything flaps,
So no more lyrical levity,
Too much, the cosmos will collapse,
Because God above is gravity.'
'So watch your words, paltry priest,
Before you feel a genuine weight,
Revoking your mortal lease,
Forcing you to suffer a bitter fate.'
The priest screeched, sounding like a startled peacock. Lancelot couldn't help but smirk as the priestâs face turned a shade of purple. âBlasphemy! That's a bridge too far⊠You will be excommunicated!â
Sensing an impending meltdown, the drunks among the crowd began placing bets on whether the priest would burst into flames. ââOi, get me for two shillings. That vitriolic vicar is going to spontaneously combust!â
âNah, he'll just keel over mid-rant like he did seeing Farmer Daleâs bovine dressed in vestments! By abstraction, he made Saint Catherine a holy cow!â
Just then, a loud thwack echoed as a half-rotten cabbage bounced off Priest Olstein's head. And then a mysterious voice, "Get on with it!"
A Puckish smile spread across the Bard's face. "Sire, did you?" Arthur stood there triumphant, handing the lute back to the poet, as if he were passing Excalibur to a worthy warrior. "Sire?!"
"How can you be so obtuse? I'm not quite dead yet..." Arthur's eyes beamed, holding a cabbage behind his back. The villagers teetered between riot and revival as the air smelled of ale.
The priest blinked, momentarily stunned, and likely concussed. The crowd didn't expect theological profundity embedded in the Bard's previous bawdy verse. The reality of which passed through the crowd as a milling effect.
Each one grew silent. Even the drunken peasants paused, grappling with the complex concepts the Bard dropped on them like a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, or even a halibut good enough for Jehovah. Either way, the tonal whiplash felt off. "Were we just catfished?"
"I don't know, Saul. I'm trying to figure out whether to pray to Mother Mary or Mary Moody."
"Hedge your bet, pray to both, and then update your password..."
âI am okay. .. Just a flesh wound.â
The priest slowly stood, gripping his rosary with flecks of cabbage falling from his hair. "Bard, are you... Are you irreverent or reverent?"
"Depends, do you want a topless selfie of the Popeâs mistress Naughtius Maximus?"
Arthur grinned, removing himself hastily. Lancelot, a champion of chastity, perked up as the priest's face went through a range of expressions. From shock to outrage to curiosity, and finally to a hint of resignation, each contorted his facial muscles as a Freudian manifestation.
"...You dare to have such a... Such a forbidden image?! Let me see it. For... Ahem! Theological purposes, of course."
"Easy, Cardinal Crossroads, your rosary beads might fire a warning shot."
The crow, named Pontius Pilate, cawed, âHe wanks as high as any in Wome!â
"âŠUh, my name is Swaggart... Jimmy. And that wasn't a warning shot, it was... a holy misfire... Now let me see it!" He said, clutching the rosary as if it had just turned into a serpent, while several peasants overheard the conversation.
Without skipping a beat, the Bard leaped into another song, announcing,â Hereâs a classic from Father Falwell, Jimmy is his name, I believeâŠâ
âEvery sperm is sacred.
Fighting their way closer, each was now thoroughly invested in this theological circus. They started placing bets... "Three pence says the beads start smoking!" A second, the local Baker named Jim shrugged, "Nah, nah... Ten to one he starts speaking in tongues."
"I didn't know he was a Gnostist..."
The priest was sweating beads as big as a Jabberwocky under his collar, glancing around shiftily, "Listen..." Jimmy Swaggart's voice turned sly, "Do you take payment in indulgences, son?"
The Hemlock Bard smirked, strumming his lute.
'I have sinned was your best move?
While all those fake tears fell,
Damn, you think you're smooth,
Even while your boxers swell.'
'Repent, repent you, oh Pharisee,
Before Gomorrah is torn asunder,
Grace will grant you grave clarity,
As she mocks your weak thunder.'
The crowd stirred again. What were once murmurs morphed into hastened voices? âIs this Bard the Second Coming?!â A peasant woman quickly grabbed her children and hurried off at the sheer audacity of such a notion.
âOi! We could do worse. At least his psalms are singableâŠâ a drunk cautioned. Frantically, the Bard strummed a new tune, the notes slightly discordantâŠ
âI'm not the MessiahâŠ
I am not beyond reprimandâŠ
Before the resonance of the last chord dissipated, a woman cried out, âOnly the true Messiah denies His divinityâŠâ
"He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy! His verse rivals Danielle SteeleâŠâ Another countered.
âAre you sure?â questioned one of the drunks, still counting his winnings. And then the man claiming to be an ex-leper petitioned, âHave a like for my bloody life story?â
The Bard took a beat to regain his composure, âThere's no pleasing some peopleâŠâ
âThat's just what Jesus said, sir,â the leper confessed.
âI say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.â Thomas yelled as he nodded.
The Bard sighed, âFuck off! This is worse than Substack. And here I thought that I wanted followersâŠâ
âHow shall we fuck off, O Lord?â Biggus Dickus inquired.
The head bishop stepped forward, his gait stately and measured. âWhat is your name?â
âI am known as the HemlockâŠâ
âAh, the poison that kills philosophers, which can equally be a salve for the community. Interesting.â
âYou know your stuff, seemingly. We should get on famously then, Bishop.â
âWill we? I find your antics to be unamusing and sacrilegious⊠What is your quest?â
âOde to a bastardized Bishop,
Your poor mother was a hamster,
And your father needs hyssop,
How is that for a fitting answer?â
âWas that your response, or more bawdy theatrics? It's hard to tell with you. Life isnât but a stage where we fret and strut about until we are heard from no more, Bard.â
âOh no? How so?â The Bard questioned, his eyes glinting with quiet mischievousness.
âThis world isnât an island for misfit children LOST in an existential plight. Nor is it a wasteland to be squandered as a New Genesis. So tell me, Bard⊠What are your motives?â
'âŠDeep within the heart of London,
My passion rose and fell,
Too soon, love⊠Bloody hell!'
âRightâŠâ Before the priest could say more, Roman soldiers from a nearby camp made their presence known. A heated hush fell over the crowd.
âWe are here for duties, Render under Caesar that which is Caesar's.â
âDoodie? I knew that Caesar required blood, breath, and bone for his war effort, but bodily waste, too? Padre, come bless my backside, Iâm about to contribute to the cause! Just let me borrow your vestments to clean up afterwardâŠâ The Bardâs eyes were afire.
âWatch yourself, Bard. I am not one to be tricked with. Play whatever games you deem necessary with the cloth, but with a bat of an eye, the lives of this village will be forfeit.â
âYou are a proud man, General. I can see thatâŠâ
âSon, it's Commander, and my reputation precedes me long before my feet make an impression.â
âAh, Commander⊠My apologies, distinction matters. Funny thing about pride and impressions, one tends to lead before a fall. And the latter are better grounded on oneâs knees. Thereâs more weight pressed into them. Simple physics.â
âEnough! Or are you wishing to carry a cross along with that Southern swagger? Now hand over the treasures. My time is not to be wasted!â
âOur treasures are in Heaven, so our inherited debt is paid in duty, pursuing knowledge within a battle-tested reality. Only genuine wisdom combats a generational wealth of misinformation.â
âAre you quoting the Bible, Bard?â
âNo, not directly, Commander. He references Matthew, but that wasnât from the gospel.â
âBishop, if I want your input, Iâll take it at knifepoint. A man speaks honestly when the blade cuts trueâŠâ
âNo, Colonel Klink⊠Captain Kirk? Either way, there are no laurels here in this village. So your efforts are as fruitless as a fig tree in the Bible. Time is money, and Iâd hate to witness Caesar rendering you insolvent.â
Spinning on his heels in haste, Centurion Commander scoffed. âEnough! We'll be back, weirdo.â
Bocephus smiled wanly and said quietly, âNice tan.â
A Centurion falling back into ranks instructed matter-of-factly, â Watch it!â
Bocephus: No need to get uppitty! But say, Commodant, didn't you have a university and charity that went down quicker than an ex-wife on a divorce settlement?â
Sulking off, the Centurion Commander announced, âThat does it! Iâm invading your home countryâŠâ
Bocephus: Bloody hell, talk about censure-ship!
Silus: Bloody Romans⊠They've bled us, taking everything we ever had⊠The bastards!
Bocephus: Yeah, but when in RomeâŠ
Silus: What have they ever given us in return?
Bocephus: And then sanitation, and roadsâŠ
Bocephus: Medicine and wine!
Silus: Alright, I'll grant you, those are true. And taboo in the boudoir, they love thatâŠ
Bocephus: No, that was the current president.
Silus: Talk about a chapped assâŠ
Bocephus: Thank God, he doesn't read; weâd all be crucified.
Arthur stepped forward with a weighted sigh, âThis is why I stay as near Camelot as I am ableâŠâ
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no system for a basis of government."
Before Arthur could respond, a mighty crack of thunder boomed as a snarky, weathered voice descended from the clouds, suggesting, ââ Course itâs a good idea⊠Thatâs Grace! Now about that helluva halibutâŠâ
âRun away! Run away!â
From a distance, the Bardâs voice could still be heard:
âYou know, you come from nothing,
You're going back to nothing,
What have you lost? NothingâŠ
Ain't that something?!â
âPiss off, you tosser, Iâm busy! And tell Arthur that if he tries to pull another Harvey Weinstein, dipping his toe in Vivianeâs lake, Iâll make sure it's the last thing he does...â came the Rabbit of Caerbannogâs voice, doing kegstands with a liquored Lady Guinevere.
"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place." Arthur sighed, quickly adjusting his codpiece.
âRight thenâ Back to work!â
[Exeunt, pursued by a halibut]
We apologize again for the subtitle issue. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.
For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word,
Give the audience a grin,
When lending life a chase,
Then apply a kick to the shin,
Of the Pantheonic chagrin,
Putting them in their place,
They don't matter anyhow.
So look on the bright side of worth,
Your personal voice has girth,
And lean into the metered mirth,
Else, someone destroys the Earth,
As the answer to life and the universe.
"Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light." â Groucho Marx
"Humor is reason gone mad." â Groucho Marx
This is a tribute to the classic 'Holy Grail' movie and the Monty Python universe. Because of this, the anachronistic use of âEpsteinâ and âWeinsteinâ collectively acts as the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, along with the Pantheon of TV Evangelists: Jim Baker, Joel Osteen, Jerry Caldwell, and Jimmy Swaggart.
Clearly, the Bard treats all of them without impunity. The alternating name changes act as a mirror given the momentary conflict. So, the list comprises nine authors: Whitman, Poe, Dickinson, Adams, Voltaire, Frost, Steele, Carroll, and Thomas. Then four movies: Jabberwocky, Life of Brian, Holy Grail, and Shawshank Redemption.
Then four TV Evangelists; four biblical characters (Saul, Thomas, Saint Catherine, and Pilate); four scripture passages (Matthew 22:21, Proverbs 16:18, Genesis 3:6, Matthew 21:19); five television series (House of Cards, The West Wing, Lost, Hoganâs Heroes, Star Trek). From there, we have seven personal allusions and historical references. So, we are in the neighborhood of 115 allusions as a fitting tribute.
This one took two days to research and write. Which isn't typically allocated to a given piece, but in the end, I hope it earns the effort. This is not âpastiche.â NO imitation does 115 allusions through cinema, television, theatre, literature, history, sociology, philosophy, comedy, and theology all in the same breath.
Rather, this is the first definitive installment to the 8th created subgenre created in as many months: Sacred Comedy. We punch up, yes; never down. But through irreverent reverence as the form, and compassionate comedy as the function, we challenge, never correct.
As artists, we establish the conversation, whether directly or indirectly, that facilitates cinematographers to focus the lens and musicians to marry the verse. Together, we plant the seeds for others to implement the necessary changes for a given era.
As Gustav Klimt said, âTo every age its art, to every art its freedom." So, as always, thank you for your time and kind consideration. Back to work! Let me know if you laughed! Right thenâ
The BBC Network isn't the same in a modern lexiconâŠ
(If you get the linguistic correlation, âspotted dickâ will never be the same).
"Theology is a joke. But with a punchline that kills you." â G.K. Chesterton
©2026 Bocephus Jackson. All Rights Reserved