donât trust me, I might fall in
gojo satoru x reader
fanart by @/thatsallitchief ᶻ đ đ° .á
an Ëđ·Ë lowkey felt sad, so i wanted to write an angst story. btw i wrote this at like 2 am so donât mind anything that doesnât make sense, also writing in caps bc it looks cleaner! hope u enjoy mwah mwah
Falling in love with your best friend? It could go both ways: either tell him how you feel or convince yourself to take the safest route and donât, because it wouldnât be anything other than best friends.
But could you help the lingering eyes on the white-haired guy from across the room? No, you couldnât. No matter how many times youâve tried to get over those feelings, theyâll come running right back.
Why? To this day, you donât even know. Whenever he shows the slightest bit of affection toward you, your heart starts faltering in a way a best friend shouldnât feel.
Youâve tried relationships, dated a few nice peopleâbut they wouldnât last long enough to get your feelings to go away, because they werenât him. Funny thing about it, your exes knew you had a crush on him, but he never knew you had one.
There were times when you were lying down in bed late in the night, staring up at your ceiling, where you thought maybe he knew but chose not to mention it because it was the safest option.
Youâve pretended to be so happy for him in ways you could show when he would happily appear out the front of your door, with the biggest smile and heart eyes. Saying heâs finally got the girl.
While you tried to push away the heartache in your chest, thereâs that little devil on your shoulders whispering. It shouldâve been you.
The one who has heart-eyes for you and is happy that he finally got you. Why couldnât it be you?
Well, it was simple. He only saw you as a best friend; heâs told you multiple times without even realising youâve been hinting you wanted him. Heâd constantly tell you how lucky he was to have you as a best friend.
Youâd always have the biggest smile on your face, saying he was yours back. But deep down, you wanted to scream in his face how much you loved him, and you wanted him to feel the same, but you couldnât.
What would even happen if you told him you loved him and that you wanted him to feel the same way? Thatâs a problem you wouldnât see yourself in.
You couldnât handle the rejection or watch the friendship being ruined because of it. So you kept your mouth shut.
Oh, how you wished you had told him and let yourself see the outcome, because now itâs been a few years now and heâs getting married.
To a lovely girl, a girl he met at a coffee shop. It was a romance movie-like introductionâhe had come to your door right afterward, screaming like a little girl who finally got the crush sheâs been in love with.
He had bumped into her when he was distracted on his phone and got his drink all over her white shirt. Thatâs mostly all you knew because you started zoning out while he was explaining everything. Not because it was a boring story.
The story was something youâd dreamt of happening to you ever since you were a little girl, but it happened to another girl with the guy you loved desperately; you just wanted the world to explode right there and then.
It felt like the universe was mocking you when he took her on a date, and then when he started dating her. He looked at her like she hung the moon, like she found a cure for every disease in the world.
That was a look youâve been yearning for. Ever since you both turned fourteen.
And you shouldâve been happy when he told you he was getting married. You were- donât get me wrong but there was a part of you screaming not to marry her and be with you instead.
But you werenât selfish enough to do that. Instead, you placed the biggest fake smile youâve ever had on your face when heâd talk about a girl he liked or loved and congratulated himâbecause thatâs what best friends do.
When he left, though, he didnât see the way you broke down crying as you threw yourself on the bed in your room. Just praying⊠praying maybe, heâd back out and realise you were the one.
Because now heâs waiting for his beautiful bride in the most expensive suit, looking like a man ready to be married. It was a sight you only pictured in your head. One that was of you and him. Not for another girl.
And as they say their vows, you shouldâve been happy for him. Happy that he finally found the one for him and to push away the aching in your heart. You couldnât; the tears falling down your face showed how much you couldnât. Itâs a good thing other people were crying because it looked like a happy cry from other peopleâs eyes, and that youâre not crying because the one you truly loved was now getting married.
Your best friend was sitting next to you, squeezing your hand because she knew they werenât happy tears. She knew how long youâve been pining over him. âItâs okay.â She whispers in your ear; it was so quietâthat you could barely hear her if she wasnât in your ear.
It wasnât okay, though. But youâll put on a game face to show that youâre okay and that it was okay. You nod slowly, swallowing hard; if you spokeâyouâd probably sob so loudly and ruin the vows.
âDo you take this person as your lawfully wedded wife?â
Please say no, please say no, please say nâ
âI do,â Gojo Satoru says, with the biggest smile on his face as he holds his hands firmly with the love of his life in front of him. The way heâs looking at her made you look away.
Because if you keep your eyes on him, youâd probably let out a sob so loud, and thatâs when everyone would know that you were genuinely heartbroken.
You squeeze your eyes shut for a split second, pressing your lips together. The universe definitely hates you. Thereâs no way it doesnât.
As they put the rings on each other, you stare down at your lapâyou couldnât watch them kiss. A final acceptance of their marriage. If you watched, youâd definitely throw up on the old lady in front of you.
You continue to stare down at your hands gripping so hard on your friend's hand to the point where your knuckles were now white, and the tears that were falling down onto your lap.
As the night went on, you couldnât lie; it was lovely. The food, the ballroom, just everything in general. But you couldnât stay here any longer; it felt like you were holding your breath long enough.
Seeing Gojo dancing with his new wife, smiling so hard that his cheeks would probably be aching right now. It only made everything harder. You needed air, and you needed it now. Just a few minutes alone to collect yourself.
âIâll be back.â You say, your voice soft and calm, despite feeling like you wanted the floor to swallow you whole.
âWant me to come with you?â Your friend asks, reaching for her bag. Her gaze was still fixed on you.
You swallow hard and shake your head. Reaching for your bag from the empty chair beside you, you rise to your feet and force a small smile. âItâs okay, love,â you murmur softly. âI just need a minute.â
She nods, her lips lifting slightly. Though you knew it was a sad smile, because she also knew you were trying to escape this whole thingâeven if it was for a minute.
âIâm here if you need.â
You give her shoulder a soft squeeze, then turn around. Your heels clink toward the ballroom door as you make your way to the balcony. You couldnât help the tears from falling down your cheeks.
It made you feel pathetic. Crying like this, having to hide away because you were too afraid to face something you wished was happening to you.
You just want this feeling to go away. Why couldnât you get over him? Why couldnât you just move on and be with someone who truly loved you, where you're not quietly yearning for him?
You shakily let out a breath once you were outside, wiping the tears that seemed to not go away as you looked up at the stars, because they were the thing that made you feel sane.
It was weird, and youâve told Gojo before why. Youâve had an obsession with astronomy, especially stars. They were suns, probably orbiting another planet.
You always wondered whether someone on another planet, alive and breathing beneath a different sky, was feeling exactly what you were feeling, going through the same struggles, carrying the same weight, and asking the same questions.
Or maybe there was another universe where none of this ever happenedâwhere you never had to carry this weight. But that world was only a quiet fantasy, one that whispered, without words, that this was the path meant for you. The one where you had to rise above the hurt, become the bigger person, and learn how to move on.
No matter how much that little hope inside you was screaming he would come around and start to realise heâs in love with you, that hope's been there for years. There were no changes.
âSomething on your mind?â You hear a voice, cutting you out of your thought. The voice youâve been falling in love with over the span of fourteen years.
You spin around, and the man you love deeply is standing at the door. He looks at you like he always does. Not like he did when his now-new wife was in front of him.
âOh no! You know, just needed to get some air.â You lie, swallowing hard. The grip on your bag instantly grew tighter, a thing youâd been doing when you were nervous.
It was either fiddling with them, so he sees that you were nervous, or hiding that nervousness when he was around by having your hands grip something.
Gojo nods, walking further onto the balcony. Stopping just right in front of you, âThatâs okay, we all need some of that sometimes.â
You look into his bright blue eyes, and they stare right back at you. âMhm.â
An awkward silence fills the airâmaybe awkward to you, but to him, it was the same silence youâve shared over the years of being friends.
One where you both didnât need to speak to fill it.
Then you realised, you havenât had time to congratulate him all night. Mostly because heâs been busy and mainly you just didnât have the balls to go up to the newly married couple.
âOh my god, sorry! Congratulations, Iâm very proud of you,â You exclaim, placing your purse on the balcony ledge not long before wrapping your arms around him, your head on his chest. You could smell the cologne he always wore.
You didnât know if the hug was only to hide the tears that were slowly forming. You couldnât show that you were breaking, definitely not in front of him.
He instantly wraps his arms around your waist, placing his chin on the crown of your head. âThank you, Iâm so happy. I finally found the one.â
The words made your heart ache again; you didnât reply. You just couldnât, because if you did. Your voice would probably crack and start actually crying, so instead you held onto him tighter.
You both stayed like that for a couple of minutes, the silence falling into place now. You tried to hide the tears, but you knew he could feel them through his suitâbut he didnât mention anything.
The hug was something thatâs been hiding between you both for years, one that was needed. Youâve both shared a million hugs, but never one like this.
It was different, more intimate in a way that shouldnât be. Definitely not right now.
Then he moves his arms away from your waist, and you finally let go of him, sniffling as you quickly turn around to wipe away the tears.
âAre you sure youâre okay?â He questions, his tone now worried. You couldnât see it, but you knew his eyebrows were lifted.
You nod, wiping on your wet cheeksânot caring if your makeup was getting more ruined by the movement. âYes, Iâm just so happy.â You lie, turning back to him.
âNever thought iâd see you getting married.â You try to joke the whole heart ache away, though it didnât work. It was still there.
Gojo lets out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. âYeah me neither, I always thought iâd be marrying you someday.â
When he said that, you were taken back. Because what? He thought of marrying you, all this time and you never knew.
Your eyes widen, lips parting and without meaning to, your breath catchesâit was so little, he doesnât notice. âWha⊠what?â
âYeah, I thought you always knew,â He bites his lip, looking up at the stars for a split second, then dropping his gaze back to you. âItâs a bad time to say this, but Iâve always had a crush on you.â
Your heart stops, and it feels like you are about to die right there in that moment. You didnât know if he was playing a joke on you; there were multiple emotions going through you at once.
âYouâve⊠had a crush on me?â
âYeah, I did, but I knew you didnât like me. So I had to move on and I met her, lowkey never thought iâd see the day too.â He sighs, dropping his arms to his side.
Heâs had a crush on you this whole time, and you didnât even know- well, of course you didnât know. He never told you, never once mentioned it subtly, never flirted.
He always acted like how a best friend would treat a best friend. But no, he felt the same as you were feeling this entire time.
You both were too dumb to realise you liked each other, but it was too lateâbecause he was married and youâre not the type of person to ruin a marriage.
âIâŠâ You couldnât finish your sentence, the words feeling stuck in your throat, instead of speaking. You slowly brought a hand to your heart, to at least try to stop the feeling.
âItâs okay though! I hope I didnât ruin our friendship with that.â He press his lip together, his body tilting back a bit, as if he regrets saying anything at all.
You shake your head immediately. âNo, no, no! You didnât. Donât worry.â You flash a bright smile, though it didnât reach.
He lets out a breath heâs been holding in. âOh, thank the lord.â
You didnât know if you should tell him the truth, to tell him you did actually like him and you werenât happy about his marriage.
It would be a bad idea to do so because he surely doesnât have those feelings for you now. If he did, he wouldnât be married or look at his wife like sheâs the only girl in the room.
Thatâs a thing too, you never knew because he never looked at you the way he does with her, or were you just too blind to see it?
After a few seconds of staring back at one another, which honestly felt like a whole yearâyou finally speak. âI want to be honest, and I know itâs probably a bad time to do it, but I should let it out right!?â
Gojo furrows his eyebrows, like heâs unsure what youâre trying to say. âRight?â
âFunny thing is actually, Iâve had aââ
âSatoru, honey, you out there?â A voice cuts you off, and you both turn around to see his wife at the door. The wedding dress glows from the indoor lights.
Her eyes flicker to gojo, then at you. She gives you a polite smile, not even feeling the Intense emotional energy around her.
You smile back, bowing your head in a greeting gestureâturning your gaze toward Gojo, and his face made your heart break for the hundredth time tonight.
His face was lit up, like he was happier to see her than he was to be on the balcony with you. You chew the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying just at that one little thing.
âHi baby, Iâll be there in a bit.â He replies so softly. In a tone youâve only heard when you were both drifting off to sleep when youâd have sleepovers.
âOkay.â His wife says, giving a brief wave to you, not long before turning around. Heading back to the ballroom.
He watches her go. That same smile on his faceâthe exact one he had when she was walking down the aisle- made you realise you lost your chance, and the hopes that were screaming in your body were never going to happen.
Then he turns back around, facing you. âWhat were you saying?â
You gulp, fingers gripping the fabric of your dress. âOh, nothing! Itâs nothing important. I forgot what I was gonna say anyways.â You wave him off, chuckling awkwardly.
Like this whole thing wasnât hurting you.
Gojo nods, like he doesnât believe what you said at allâbut he knew he couldnât push you into saying anything, so he lets it go. âOkay.â His hands were now tucked in the pockets of his pants, swaying back and forth.
âYou⊠you should probably go back inside. Your dance with your wife is happening soon.â You remind him, gesturing toward the ballroom, even though you didnât want him to actually leave.
âOh right! Thanks for reminding me,â But he doesnât move; he continues to stare at you. For a moment, it almost seems as if he didn't want to leave either. But you quickly bury the thought, dismissing it as another one of your hopeless fantasies.
Then he brings a hand up to your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. âIâll see you later. We can have a drink together and talk.â
You nod, offering him a small smile, though deep down you already know youâll probably slip away once he returns to the ballroom. He gives a brief nod of his own before turning on his heel and making his way back inside.
Now youâre alone on the balcony, with millions of thoughts appearing in your mind. You didnât even notice you were shaking until now; the tears that youâve been holding in ever since you pulled away from the hug start falling down your cheek.
It was stupid, because if you had told him that you loved him before he met her, or before he even got married. This wouldnât happen; heâs been in love with you this whole time.
And you didnât even notice; it honestly made you sick in the stomach. Youâve wasted years, spent nights curled up in your bed thinking he would never like you. Just for him to rip the band-aid off when he just got married.
As if it were something you needed to know, you couldn't decide whether hearing him say he liked you was worse than never knowing at all.
Because now youâve realised you actually had a chance, you couldâve been the one being married today, couldâve been the one he looks at, like you were the only girl in the room.
But youâve chosen the second option; you went with the safest route and truly lost the love of your life, and he still doesnât even know you liked him all along. Youâll never tell him now, not after this.
Because you're going to call a cab and go home. You're going to try, once and for all, to move on. Yet somewhere deep within you, there remained an aching desire to turn around, run back inside, and tell him everything your heart had been too afraid to say.
If only you had told him.
#do it scared, do it until you feel like youâre about to lose your mind, do it even if it ruins the friendship. Donât wonder and wait, if you like someone, tell them.
