don’t trust me, I might fall in
gojo satoru x reader
fanart by @/thatsallitchief ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ
an ˙𐃷˙ lowkey felt sad, so i wanted to write an angst story. btw i wrote this at like 2 am so don’t mind anything that doesn’t make sense, also writing in caps bc it looks cleaner! hope u enjoy mwah mwah
Falling in love with your best friend? It could go both ways: either tell him how you feel or convince yourself to take the safest route and don’t, because it wouldn’t be anything other than best friends.
But could you help the lingering eyes on the white-haired guy from across the room? No, you couldn’t. No matter how many times you’ve tried to get over those feelings, they’ll come running right back.
Why? To this day, you don’t even know. Whenever he shows the slightest bit of affection toward you, your heart starts faltering in a way a best friend shouldn’t feel.
You’ve tried relationships, dated a few nice people—but they wouldn’t last long enough to get your feelings to go away, because they weren’t him. Funny thing about it, your exes knew you had a crush on him, but he never knew you had one.
There were times when you were lying down in bed late in the night, staring up at your ceiling, where you thought maybe he knew but chose not to mention it because it was the safest option.
You’ve pretended to be so happy for him in ways you could show when he would happily appear out the front of your door, with the biggest smile and heart eyes. Saying he’s finally got the girl.
While you tried to push away the heartache in your chest, there’s that little devil on your shoulders whispering. It should’ve been you.
The one who has heart-eyes for you and is happy that he finally got you. Why couldn’t it be you?
Well, it was simple. He only saw you as a best friend; he’s told you multiple times without even realising you’ve been hinting you wanted him. He’d constantly tell you how lucky he was to have you as a best friend.
You’d always have the biggest smile on your face, saying he was yours back. But deep down, you wanted to scream in his face how much you loved him, and you wanted him to feel the same, but you couldn’t.
What would even happen if you told him you loved him and that you wanted him to feel the same way? That’s a problem you wouldn’t see yourself in.
You couldn’t handle the rejection or watch the friendship being ruined because of it. So you kept your mouth shut.
Oh, how you wished you had told him and let yourself see the outcome, because now it’s been a few years now and he’s getting married.
To a lovely girl, a girl he met at a coffee shop. It was a romance movie-like introduction—he had come to your door right afterward, screaming like a little girl who finally got the crush she’s been in love with.
He had bumped into her when he was distracted on his phone and got his drink all over her white shirt. That’s mostly all you knew because you started zoning out while he was explaining everything. Not because it was a boring story.
The story was something you’d dreamt of happening to you ever since you were a little girl, but it happened to another girl with the guy you loved desperately; you just wanted the world to explode right there and then.
It felt like the universe was mocking you when he took her on a date, and then when he started dating her. He looked at her like she hung the moon, like she found a cure for every disease in the world.
That was a look you’ve been yearning for. Ever since you both turned fourteen.
And you should’ve been happy when he told you he was getting married. You were- don’t get me wrong but there was a part of you screaming not to marry her and be with you instead.
But you weren’t selfish enough to do that. Instead, you placed the biggest fake smile you’ve ever had on your face when he’d talk about a girl he liked or loved and congratulated him—because that’s what best friends do.
When he left, though, he didn’t see the way you broke down crying as you threw yourself on the bed in your room. Just praying… praying maybe, he’d back out and realise you were the one.
Because now he’s waiting for his beautiful bride in the most expensive suit, looking like a man ready to be married. It was a sight you only pictured in your head. One that was of you and him. Not for another girl.
And as they say their vows, you should’ve been happy for him. Happy that he finally found the one for him and to push away the aching in your heart. You couldn’t; the tears falling down your face showed how much you couldn’t. It’s a good thing other people were crying because it looked like a happy cry from other people’s eyes, and that you’re not crying because the one you truly loved was now getting married.
Your best friend was sitting next to you, squeezing your hand because she knew they weren’t happy tears. She knew how long you’ve been pining over him. “It’s okay.” She whispers in your ear; it was so quiet—that you could barely hear her if she wasn’t in your ear.
It wasn’t okay, though. But you’ll put on a game face to show that you’re okay and that it was okay. You nod slowly, swallowing hard; if you spoke—you’d probably sob so loudly and ruin the vows.
“Do you take this person as your lawfully wedded wife?”
Please say no, please say no, please say n—
“I do,” Gojo Satoru says, with the biggest smile on his face as he holds his hands firmly with the love of his life in front of him. The way he’s looking at her made you look away.
Because if you keep your eyes on him, you’d probably let out a sob so loud, and that’s when everyone would know that you were genuinely heartbroken.
You squeeze your eyes shut for a split second, pressing your lips together. The universe definitely hates you. There’s no way it doesn’t.
As they put the rings on each other, you stare down at your lap—you couldn’t watch them kiss. A final acceptance of their marriage. If you watched, you’d definitely throw up on the old lady in front of you.
You continue to stare down at your hands gripping so hard on your friend's hand to the point where your knuckles were now white, and the tears that were falling down onto your lap.
As the night went on, you couldn’t lie; it was lovely. The food, the ballroom, just everything in general. But you couldn’t stay here any longer; it felt like you were holding your breath long enough.
Seeing Gojo dancing with his new wife, smiling so hard that his cheeks would probably be aching right now. It only made everything harder. You needed air, and you needed it now. Just a few minutes alone to collect yourself.
“I’ll be back.” You say, your voice soft and calm, despite feeling like you wanted the floor to swallow you whole.
“Want me to come with you?” Your friend asks, reaching for her bag. Her gaze was still fixed on you.
You swallow hard and shake your head. Reaching for your bag from the empty chair beside you, you rise to your feet and force a small smile. “It’s okay, love,” you murmur softly. “I just need a minute.”
She nods, her lips lifting slightly. Though you knew it was a sad smile, because she also knew you were trying to escape this whole thing—even if it was for a minute.
You give her shoulder a soft squeeze, then turn around. Your heels clink toward the ballroom door as you make your way to the balcony. You couldn’t help the tears from falling down your cheeks.
It made you feel pathetic. Crying like this, having to hide away because you were too afraid to face something you wished was happening to you.
You just want this feeling to go away. Why couldn’t you get over him? Why couldn’t you just move on and be with someone who truly loved you, where you're not quietly yearning for him?
You shakily let out a breath once you were outside, wiping the tears that seemed to not go away as you looked up at the stars, because they were the thing that made you feel sane.
It was weird, and you’ve told Gojo before why. You’ve had an obsession with astronomy, especially stars. They were suns, probably orbiting another planet.
You always wondered whether someone on another planet, alive and breathing beneath a different sky, was feeling exactly what you were feeling, going through the same struggles, carrying the same weight, and asking the same questions.
Or maybe there was another universe where none of this ever happened—where you never had to carry this weight. But that world was only a quiet fantasy, one that whispered, without words, that this was the path meant for you. The one where you had to rise above the hurt, become the bigger person, and learn how to move on.
No matter how much that little hope inside you was screaming he would come around and start to realise he’s in love with you, that hope's been there for years. There were no changes.
“Something on your mind?” You hear a voice, cutting you out of your thought. The voice you’ve been falling in love with over the span of fourteen years.
You spin around, and the man you love deeply is standing at the door. He looks at you like he always does. Not like he did when his now-new wife was in front of him.
“Oh no! You know, just needed to get some air.” You lie, swallowing hard. The grip on your bag instantly grew tighter, a thing you’d been doing when you were nervous.
It was either fiddling with them, so he sees that you were nervous, or hiding that nervousness when he was around by having your hands grip something.
Gojo nods, walking further onto the balcony. Stopping just right in front of you, “That’s okay, we all need some of that sometimes.”
You look into his bright blue eyes, and they stare right back at you. “Mhm.”
An awkward silence fills the air—maybe awkward to you, but to him, it was the same silence you’ve shared over the years of being friends.
One where you both didn’t need to speak to fill it.
Then you realised, you haven’t had time to congratulate him all night. Mostly because he’s been busy and mainly you just didn’t have the balls to go up to the newly married couple.
“Oh my god, sorry! Congratulations, I’m very proud of you,” You exclaim, placing your purse on the balcony ledge not long before wrapping your arms around him, your head on his chest. You could smell the cologne he always wore.
You didn’t know if the hug was only to hide the tears that were slowly forming. You couldn’t show that you were breaking, definitely not in front of him.
He instantly wraps his arms around your waist, placing his chin on the crown of your head. “Thank you, I’m so happy. I finally found the one.”
The words made your heart ache again; you didn’t reply. You just couldn’t, because if you did. Your voice would probably crack and start actually crying, so instead you held onto him tighter.
You both stayed like that for a couple of minutes, the silence falling into place now. You tried to hide the tears, but you knew he could feel them through his suit—but he didn’t mention anything.
The hug was something that’s been hiding between you both for years, one that was needed. You’ve both shared a million hugs, but never one like this.
It was different, more intimate in a way that shouldn’t be. Definitely not right now.
Then he moves his arms away from your waist, and you finally let go of him, sniffling as you quickly turn around to wipe away the tears.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He questions, his tone now worried. You couldn’t see it, but you knew his eyebrows were lifted.
You nod, wiping on your wet cheeks—not caring if your makeup was getting more ruined by the movement. “Yes, I’m just so happy.” You lie, turning back to him.
“Never thought i’d see you getting married.” You try to joke the whole heart ache away, though it didn’t work. It was still there.
Gojo lets out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah me neither, I always thought i’d be marrying you someday.”
When he said that, you were taken back. Because what? He thought of marrying you, all this time and you never knew.
Your eyes widen, lips parting and without meaning to, your breath catches—it was so little, he doesn’t notice. “Wha… what?”
“Yeah, I thought you always knew,” He bites his lip, looking up at the stars for a split second, then dropping his gaze back to you. “It’s a bad time to say this, but I’ve always had a crush on you.”
Your heart stops, and it feels like you are about to die right there in that moment. You didn’t know if he was playing a joke on you; there were multiple emotions going through you at once.
“You’ve… had a crush on me?”
“Yeah, I did, but I knew you didn’t like me. So I had to move on and I met her, lowkey never thought i’d see the day too.” He sighs, dropping his arms to his side.
He’s had a crush on you this whole time, and you didn’t even know- well, of course you didn’t know. He never told you, never once mentioned it subtly, never flirted.
He always acted like how a best friend would treat a best friend. But no, he felt the same as you were feeling this entire time.
You both were too dumb to realise you liked each other, but it was too late—because he was married and you’re not the type of person to ruin a marriage.
“I…” You couldn’t finish your sentence, the words feeling stuck in your throat, instead of speaking. You slowly brought a hand to your heart, to at least try to stop the feeling.
“It’s okay though! I hope I didn’t ruin our friendship with that.” He press his lip together, his body tilting back a bit, as if he regrets saying anything at all.
You shake your head immediately. “No, no, no! You didn’t. Don’t worry.” You flash a bright smile, though it didn’t reach.
He lets out a breath he’s been holding in. “Oh, thank the lord.”
You didn’t know if you should tell him the truth, to tell him you did actually like him and you weren’t happy about his marriage.
It would be a bad idea to do so because he surely doesn’t have those feelings for you now. If he did, he wouldn’t be married or look at his wife like she’s the only girl in the room.
That’s a thing too, you never knew because he never looked at you the way he does with her, or were you just too blind to see it?
After a few seconds of staring back at one another, which honestly felt like a whole year—you finally speak. “I want to be honest, and I know it’s probably a bad time to do it, but I should let it out right!?”
Gojo furrows his eyebrows, like he’s unsure what you’re trying to say. “Right?”
“Funny thing is actually, I’ve had a—“
“Satoru, honey, you out there?” A voice cuts you off, and you both turn around to see his wife at the door. The wedding dress glows from the indoor lights.
Her eyes flicker to gojo, then at you. She gives you a polite smile, not even feeling the Intense emotional energy around her.
You smile back, bowing your head in a greeting gesture—turning your gaze toward Gojo, and his face made your heart break for the hundredth time tonight.
His face was lit up, like he was happier to see her than he was to be on the balcony with you. You chew the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying just at that one little thing.
“Hi baby, I’ll be there in a bit.” He replies so softly. In a tone you’ve only heard when you were both drifting off to sleep when you’d have sleepovers.
“Okay.” His wife says, giving a brief wave to you, not long before turning around. Heading back to the ballroom.
He watches her go. That same smile on his face—the exact one he had when she was walking down the aisle- made you realise you lost your chance, and the hopes that were screaming in your body were never going to happen.
Then he turns back around, facing you. “What were you saying?”
You gulp, fingers gripping the fabric of your dress. “Oh, nothing! It’s nothing important. I forgot what I was gonna say anyways.” You wave him off, chuckling awkwardly.
Like this whole thing wasn’t hurting you.
Gojo nods, like he doesn’t believe what you said at all—but he knew he couldn’t push you into saying anything, so he lets it go. “Okay.” His hands were now tucked in the pockets of his pants, swaying back and forth.
“You… you should probably go back inside. Your dance with your wife is happening soon.” You remind him, gesturing toward the ballroom, even though you didn’t want him to actually leave.
“Oh right! Thanks for reminding me,” But he doesn’t move; he continues to stare at you. For a moment, it almost seems as if he didn't want to leave either. But you quickly bury the thought, dismissing it as another one of your hopeless fantasies.
Then he brings a hand up to your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “I’ll see you later. We can have a drink together and talk.”
You nod, offering him a small smile, though deep down you already know you’ll probably slip away once he returns to the ballroom. He gives a brief nod of his own before turning on his heel and making his way back inside.
Now you’re alone on the balcony, with millions of thoughts appearing in your mind. You didn’t even notice you were shaking until now; the tears that you’ve been holding in ever since you pulled away from the hug start falling down your cheek.
It was stupid, because if you had told him that you loved him before he met her, or before he even got married. This wouldn’t happen; he’s been in love with you this whole time.
And you didn’t even notice; it honestly made you sick in the stomach. You’ve wasted years, spent nights curled up in your bed thinking he would never like you. Just for him to rip the band-aid off when he just got married.
As if it were something you needed to know, you couldn't decide whether hearing him say he liked you was worse than never knowing at all.
Because now you’ve realised you actually had a chance, you could’ve been the one being married today, could’ve been the one he looks at, like you were the only girl in the room.
But you’ve chosen the second option; you went with the safest route and truly lost the love of your life, and he still doesn’t even know you liked him all along. You’ll never tell him now, not after this.
Because you're going to call a cab and go home. You're going to try, once and for all, to move on. Yet somewhere deep within you, there remained an aching desire to turn around, run back inside, and tell him everything your heart had been too afraid to say.
If only you had told him.
#do it scared, do it until you feel like you’re about to lose your mind, do it even if it ruins the friendship. Don’t wonder and wait, if you like someone, tell them.