I think part of the problem is that, like, a hundred years ago there were Extremely Strict gender roles for both men and women, and then due to the hard work of a century of feminists (thank you feminists) we have massively expanded what a woman can be. We are nearing (hopefully) the point where women really can be Anything.
However, the idea of what a man can be has not expanded in the same way. Every man has to be stoic, loud, take up space, and never show weakness. Allowing men to be sensitive, emotional, soft, pretty, and feminine used to be one of the goals of feminism. After all, how are we supposed to see ourselves as truly equal if we still have such strict rules guiding gendered behavior?
Recently, I have seen feminism (trans exclusionary and trans inclusive) solidifying those strict rules of manhood instead of breaking them down. The idea that all men are agressive, stubborn, and will physically overpower you has been parroted so many times, it almost feels like fact. It is forcing —not the men themselves— but the idea of men into the role of the evil wrongdoer. The ways in which terfs have used this image to harm trans women are myriad and obvious.
It used to be common knowledge that feminism also ought to benefit men in this way. If the sexes were truly equal, then men could act feminine, and women could act masculine without social repercussions. This breakdown of gender roles is a good thing! It is freeing for all of us to remove the arbitrary rules guiding gendered behavior.
Men should wear flower crowns and glitter beards and dresses and cry in public and tell their friends they love them. Your idea of men needs to include them doing all of these things. You need to make space in your head for men to be sensitive and thoughtful and caring and safe.
