𝐃𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄

hi handsome, what on earth have you been since coachella? how's baby boy i can't believe he's about to be two. another thing, we should work together again one day soon. @bieberjdrew

and hey to you too, gorgeous. i've been doing absolutely fuck all lately, and pretty sure i aced it. he's doing well, though. already a better version of his old man, so i can't exactly complain about that. yeah? well, you know where i live and i'm pretty sure you've still got my number. how've you been doing?

still so mad/sad/upset that i missed out on Bieberchella. this year has just been one disappointment after another and i'm seething about it still. okay, it's been weeks but this sting might never go away. please tell me you're actually touring this year because i need to shake ass to your music asap. please and thank u. also, wanna hang in Napa? It's been foreverrrrrr and that's not even me being dramatic. / @bieberjdrew

i'm mad that you missed bieberchella, man. i expected more from you. but you know, we can always recreate the experience in my living room. promise, it's really not that hard. all it takes is a tv and an aux cord. i can neither confirm nor deny that, but right now i'm not planning on doing anything, even though coachella definitely piqued my interest. shake your ass? should i expect more tiktoks coming my way? also, sorry for not really being available in napa. i'd love to excuse it by saying i was busy, but honestly i wasn't. i just couldn't be bothered being social.

Yeah look at us with our bestie secrets. Everyday. I mean every day I get up and hope I am little. more badass today than I was yesterday. How was Napa for you?

is that what we're calling it now, "bestie secrets"? never been called a bestie before, though. homie, sure. white guy, also yes. pal, sometimes. don't sell yourself so short, tung. you're badass. i slept a lot during napa, so pretty chill as far as my memory goes. what about you?

I dude a lot of people - so, yes. I don’t think that there’s anything lazy about wanting to stay home. Partying isn’t my thing… haven’t been to coachella in like six years. I prefer creating things at home and spending time on my farm. It’s much nicer. I’m glad that you had a good time - you don’t need me for that. Are you going to be doing more shows?

never really thought of you as a 'dude' girl, but here we are. you know what, though? i can respect retreating from the party scene as much as the next guy. if that's your thing now, then mad props for the crops. is this the part where you tell me you're selling homemade jam at farmers markets or something? are you considering pulling a meghan markle? listen, listen i already have the perfect brand name for it: "no jams, by hadid." eventually, yeah. but right now i'm just enjoying fatherhood whenever i get the chance to spend time with him.

it might be. it's just funny to hear it. i get it. it's not for everyone. some groups within the kpop scene also have their issues with them not getting along or not seeing each other past coworkers. it's nice. i appreciate it since i like getting to lean on them when i can't go see my family. i'm sure you would have and wish you got that. hey. i don't know the inner workings of other groups at all. i just know their music so if you know the members than i have to rely on you. i could look it up myself but knowing me, i'll forget. haha, yeah. i'm in this for the long run. one of our group members said we should invest in learning instruments since at some point, we won't be able to dance as well.

i have to be real with you right now, because maybe the reason you're the korean brad pitt is because i can't pronounce your name properly. i'll work on it. nah man, i get it. i remember hanging out a lot with this irish dude from one direction during their prime, and he always talked about his members like they were actual brothers. i respected that a lot. maybe part of me was jealous of it too, always being alone while being surrounded by people who either weren't good for me.. or were twenty years older than me. that's lit, though. what instrument have you considered learning?

i was so busy doing other things that day that i probably wouldn't have had time to be offended so we're good. beavis and butthead though? solid comparison, i can see it. saw you did good too so congrats. what's next for you?

@danielaavnzini

If you can't be honest with me, who can you believe honest with? You think very highly of yourself and I must be sucker since I'm consider the offer. It has been a while since we actually spend much time together. You did give a lot of yourself to those performances so I guess I could help. Just when I thought I was going to agree to it, you call me a bitch. Actually, no, I wasn't calling you boring. I said I get bored being stuck in one place for too long, but if that's your mentality, what's the point anyway?

i actually have no idea.. i've gotten so used to little white lies that i barely know the difference between lies and truth anymore. maybe i should work on that. new personality goal unlocked. that's the thing, though, i actually don't think that highly of myself, but sometimes you've just gotta pull up a facade and hope for the best. did i call you a bitch, though? because i don't remember that, and therefore it clearly didn't happen. i heard boring, so.

you don't have to say it for me to know you're feeling it. but don't worry, i'll keep your pride or pride-adjacent safe. i needed to throw in a little guilty trip just for fun. don't actually feel bad though. consider this the first step to building it back up stronger than ever. i'm committed to this now. i did for the first weekend but had a show the second so had to catch it later like a loser.

you're a real one, lovato. a bond is only real when at least one of you is actively boosting the other's spirit. and in my case, my pride. can we go back to 2015 justin when he actually had some of that? if our friendship is slowly returning to its former glory, then why haven't i received tickets to your shows yet? not that i'd actually go, because that would require me getting up and being productive, but it's the thought that counts. so, did you watch it yet?

yeah, you're supposed to give a fuck. not for my sake, but for jack's. i'm never acting "high and mighty" ― you're just impossible to talk to when every conversation becomes you throwing a tantrum because we're disagreeing over something and not immediately finding common ground. i thought napa would be a good place to sit down and talk, far away from outside noise and real life. but with your attitude, i think my cabbage patch doll self would rather focus on having a good time rather than having her weekend ruined by you.

here's the thing about that, hails. when i have jack, i'm present. i'm there. i talk about you like you're the best fucking mom in the world. but when i hand him over every other sunday, the only reasons i need to hear from you are if he's sick, drew a scribble, or if something happened to him. throwing a tantrum would require me to actually give a fuck about you, and right now i'm mostly laughing at the fact that you think you're that important. also, it's kind of naive of you to think i'd spend that much energy on you.

You welcome. It's such a little thing I know. I don't think everyone caught on. No I mean and to be honest jsut makes you look like a bdass for those who do know?

at least we can say the secret stays between the two of us. not sure my career could survive another hit. a badass? i could never turn down that label. don't we all aspire to be badass?

it's twelve out of fourteen days with you always welcome in between to spend time with him whenever you want to. don't make me the bad guy here, because we've been over this. if i've got any issues i should take it up with your lawyers ? good to know you gave up communicating in person. but fine, you'll get jack for the weekend. promise me the two of you will facetime pattie together, because it's mother's day after all. and my mom. you can make your lawyers come up with a good excuse why he's with you and i'm showing up solo.

your tone implies i'm supposed to give a fuck. sit your fucking ass down, hailey, because this narrative you've got going where you act high and mighty only works in court. nah, i would communicate if it weren't because it's like talking to a cabbage patch doll.

I was at home. sleeping. Your set was way past my bedtime, dude. I can't do the late nights anymore. I'm practically a grandma - especially when there's a three hour time difference. It looks like you were having a ton of fun up there, though - especially on weekend two. How's it feel to be back performing?

past your bedtime? and did you just fucking "dude" me? what happened to gigi and what kind of lazy ass demon has possessed you? i remember a time where you'd rather go against your mom and devour a hamburger than miss coachella. i get it, you're a mom, but you're not forty. it was lit, but it would've been better if you were there.

I couldn't tell you exactly, it was a good few years ago and my memory's a little hazy these days. But I think we just realized we worked better together. Joe gave it a shot on his own, I did my thing solo, and Kev… well, he always held out hope we'd get the band back together. Lately he's been putting out his own music too, and I've gotta say, it's seriously good. So I'm guessing that means you liked Sunday Best? Well, I can neither confirm nor deny, but let's just say I might have a couple tucked away for when the mood strikes. Which reminds me you owe the world an album, dude. Where is it? I'm not seeing it.

that's brotherhood at its finest, man. gotta give you respect for loyalty and devotion to your blood. i don't know, but i thought once the purity rings came off, you'd be off doing your own thing for good. right right.. kevin. he's the oldest or am i wrong? and i'll make sure to give it a listen. is it on spotify? man, all of the songs were bangers, but aphrodite was hands down the best song on the album. fuck 2015 nick when we've got 2025 the beast. you know what? i can't be bothered. can i just redirect you to a compilation of my old songs?

they were and rightfully so. it would've been a punch to my throat if they weren't. nah, not really. though there are songs i wish would retire, but you've gotta give back to the community when they're the reason you can buy a lambo on a random tuesday. sure, if it weren't for the fact we're in different places sound wise, we probably would've collabed again. yeah? that's massive, man. not sure if it counts for anything, but i'm rooting for you.