Perfectly Imperfect

me: cmao (crying my ass off)

all tiddies are good tiddies and this isn’t an opinion this is a FACT this is science bitch get with the program!

Im not gay can you explain this?

the burrito turned him straight

Lord of the rings is basically a reverse game of capture the flag.

When someone brags about their kids I automatically think that they are little shits.

“man ur such a pussy” a jock says to me. i laugh. “well,” i begin, looking up at him and popping the collar of my jean jacket, “like they say,” everyone waits in anticipation, “u are what u eat.” the jock dies instantly, the crowd cheers, obama is there,

now that obama isnt president anymore (*wipes away tear*) this is so much funnier cause i imagine obama dressed in jeans, taking a break from his private civilian life, just to come congratulate you on your diss

Omg so I’m at the cafe by campus and this guy came in and went to hug this chick but she went in for a fist bump

OK OMG SHE SAT HIM DOWN AND SAID “I think we should break up”

I’m legit 3 feet away from them pretending to be invested in my science book

She said “it’s not you it’s me” and before he could respond the barista called his name. It’s Bob. Poor Bob

It was a few minutes of awkward silence as he took a sip of his drink. It’s the same kind as mine. Meaning he ordered Hot Chocolate

He started out with “You know, I think.” And I could hear this lady’s eyes roll. No one cares what you think Robert

FINGERS ARE FLYING. SHE POINTING AT HIM. SHIT IS GETTING REAL.

she calmed down and he legit did that thing where you steppe you fingers together in front of your mouth and take a huge breath. Bro. Leave it. It’s done. She’s too pretty for you.

He freaking snapped his fingers like he’s got this grand plan to make up for things.

She Said she still wants to be friends. She starts this by asking about his day

Apparently something bob said made her laugh.

She has not been able to say a word since she got him talking. It’s too loud in the cafe for me to make out anything even tho I’m legit behind this chick

He talking about his struggles now and how much he needs her. Run lady. Run. Run far away.

She tried to get up and his hAND SHOT OUT TO GRAB HERS

“well some people are bitchy” -bob

Lady does not have a drink. I don’t think she planned on being here this long.

Bob is again talking about himself 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 no one cares bob.

Well he said something that made her laugh again. It sounded fake tho.

He’s talking about school. APPARENTLY HE IS A PROFESSOR

“Promiscuousness leads to disease” -Bob again.

I’m done with my hot chocolate and I don’t know if the bitter taste in my mouth is from the chocolate residue I drank or my disdain for Professor Bob.

She adjusted her chair so she’s further away

SHE GOT UP! She went to take her purse but bob said to leave and he would watch it. I think she’s headed to the bathroom.

I can’t leave! But he’s doing that voice to text thing for his phone. Talking to someone about this? Idk?

I’m trying to figure out what he’s saying by looking at his lips but I suck as this. Also where are his lips?? Bob is lipless. Further proof that lizard people exist.

He’s talking about his students again.

She was talking and he interrupted her and she was like “I was talking” and he like flinched and he apologized. Yes queen.

“but this is why this democracy is at its purest.” Wtf Bob that doesn’t make sense

They’re talking so quietly now I can’t hear them.

“I should have said this a long time ago. But I can’t get anyone to love me” -Bob what the fuck.

“I feel like I’m projecting my self onto you” -bob once again

She’s leaving! She said something about picking up her son, Kevin, from school. Good job lady!

HOLY SHIT HES REACHING INTO HIS PANTS WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

OMG OMG OMG ITS A MENS RING!! HE PUT IT ON HIS HAND HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. HES PICKING UP HIS PHONE

Fuck you bobert

My drag persona

Welcome to the stage ….

>Florida

Florida Man’s wife.

omg the tag isn’t even off the bed yet! ;w;

This cat looks and sounds like a very very tiny mountain lion

CAN WE TALK ABOUT ITS LITTLE TONGUE STICKING OUT

I will never not reblog this happy baby.

@noivern

ive been blessed

…………continue