mariana

so, i’ve been thinking a lot about russian doll since the season 2 dropped. i watched the whole thing again and then i watched fleabag once more, bc for me the two shows are so alike, for example: they’re the best productions of all time AND they do touch on similar themes like self forgiveness, death of a loved one and how people are the best thing we have in life - my fav topics. 

anyway, so i’ve been thinking about those things, and mostly i’ve been experiencing a sort of gratitute for others and compassion for myself. trying to thank the universe for putting these people that i love so much in my life, and feeling like i can forgive myself and others, idk. also really gratefull for art and these amazing women who created these masterpieces.

but also, as the new season starts we get nadia talking about how after ruthie is gone there will be no one left, no one that knew her since birth, and then she actually gave birth to herself. and chose herself over the thing that she thought would fix everything.

we do have people in our lives that have known us since birth but when i think about that scene i just ---- ruthie will be dead soon, but nadia SAW her own birth. there’s a scene where she looks at her right aftet giving birth. like, ruthie it’s no longer the only one since the beginning. 

and we do have this saying that it’s “me, myself and i” but in that scene is so....... sensible. and after that seeing nadia chosing herself just made me cry. it took her so long, after feeling this guilt for leaving her mother, and after die so many times, and go back in time. 

even after recognize the mistake she made for losing the last moment of ruthie, she does not feel guilty. 

i dont have a conclusion for this, i just wanted to talk about it