Heather

I will create the world's first ontologically evil baseball team

Yankees beat you to it by like 113 years

everyone is meeting me in the grotto

I’m gonna propose “I guess you haven’t read the silmarillion then :/” as a default response to anyone not understanding a reference to something obscure. even if it’s not remotely Tolkien related. I want to build up a perception that perhaps the sum total of human knowledge is contained in the silmarillion

XKCD and Tumblr once again providing weapons I cannot use

literally said out loud to myself 'i need to do something to calm down and regulate my nervous system' and then opened tumblr.com. like a guy in a horror movie going to check out the scary sound in the basement.

everything going downhill but at least there’s still phone in bed time am I right.. ahah am I right

Smoking on that we'd

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

there should be an emoji of every berry

[guy who doesnt watch shows voice] yeah ive been meaning to watch that show

warning: once you hit thirty you’ll start having weeks so bizarre and awful that stand up comedians will want to farm you for content

every $30 purchase is like a razor sharp arrow stuck firmly in my muscular wearwolf back

*blasts you with boiling hot steam* omg im so sorry 😅 *blasts you with boiling hot steam*