Loch Ness Monster Simp

The short version is my partner and I ended things in a very horrible way. Cheating, abuse, the works. Shortly after that I was laid off of my marketing job. Shortly after THAT my father (whom I am super close with) had open heart surgery with complications. And my 20 year old cat passed away. So, in laymen’s terms? Shit has been utterly Fucked™️ since 12/22.

Things are slowly untangling themselves from their fucky little threads. I live closer to the city (that’s Chicago for me), gone low contact with my mother, got a wonderful boyfriend who doesn’t ever make me feel like my mental illness is a burden to him and a best friend in my life who doesn’t make me feel small and stupid. I’ve recovered from another ✨attempt✨ and I’m steadily working towards a management position in my field.

I say all this because I’ve been getting a lot of comments on my fics. Saying these really wonderful things which make me cry and I gleefully read to my boy who literally cannot watch shameless because it reminds him of his upbringing but loving listens to me ramble on about it.

I say all this because I feel like I’ve abandoned a community that was like a light to me. It inspired me. It comforted me. And it gave me some really wonderful connections. And I’m sorry that I haven’t played tag games in a while, or responded to dms, or been active, or written a single word that wasn’t marketing copy in over a year.

I say this because you all have meant so much to me. And in some way my words have meant something to you. And that’s not only super powerful but really why I wanted to write in the first place when I was a lonely little kid being SA’ed by a relative.

I don’t think I can write right now. And to be honest, I don’t know if I ever will. But this community has touched me and made me feel less alone. And I couldn’t go any longer without thanking each and everyone one of you that call this community a home too.

I’m getting better. I’m healing. I’m not floating on my back in the proverbial pool before I break up with my true love on the stoop of my house. If anything, I’m kneeling on a sticky floor of some club, crutches tossed aside and knuckles bloody telling you all that I love you. More than anything. And I’ll be back eventually. Just not now.

I love y’all so much. Really. And thank you for everything.