THE SNACK MACHINE !!!?!

A weapon to surpass metal gear

I could have sworn the UPS one was the costume until I looked down

Forever reblogging this.

And the fact that there’s more than one company means several people called makes it even better.

where’s that video of the naked crackhead literally running the speed of a moving car and I use the term literally literally he was deadass keeping up with the car

Hi! Humans don’t have an eye shine, so that’s not a person!

power move: put the fbi agent watching you through a series of endurance tests. stay awake for 72 hours. put obscene images over your webcam. chew gum really loudly next to your mic. they may have wiretaps but by god they won’t have peace

And most importantly, keep calling them FBI agents, that’s what’ll really grind on those NSA agents’ nerves.

I ordered a blonde flat white from Starbucks while on my break and the barista must have been having a long day bc he goes “that would be my stripper name” and there was like five seconds of dead silence between us before he looked up realized he said that out loud