maybe there's something wrong with the universe

+ Bonus Marisha

Note: this will not include every character because honestly some of them aren’t very interesting to imagine being in a saw trap.

Jack: I’ve said this before but I think Jack would thrive in a classic “you have to saw your leg off or your head will explode” trap. Jack is suicidal but he’s also crazy and I think he could lock the fuck in and do it. However Jack’s whole deal is actually really similar to Rigg from Saw 4 (needs to save everyone all the time at the expense of his life and personal relationships) and if Jack got put in a similar trap circuit where he was supposed to learn that he has to let others save themselves? Well he’s simply not going to learn that lesson. Ever.

Locke: to me the trap Locke would be in doesn’t necessarily matter. I think he’d survive because as we see on the show he has the truly uncanny ability to survive a shit ton of things that should’ve killed him. I do think he would be very very susceptible to being inducted into the cult of John Kramer, I think he would drink the kool aid by the gallon. But of course, Locke doesn’t have a killer - or rather trapper - instinct and Kramer would see this and reject Locke in typical tragic Locke backstory fashion

Shannon and Boone: these two would get put in a dueling saw trap à la speak no evil/see no evil or pound of flesh and Boone would let Shannon win but even if he didn’t let her she’d probably still win #sacrificiallamb. If there is a bodily self mutilation element (see: pound of flesh) then I could see a very macabre scene where Boone has to hype up Shannon to do it knowing it will kill him

Michael: if you put Michael in the Saw bathroom and he found out Walt was going to die unless he killed Adam well. We saw what Michael would do. However I do only think Michael could beat a trap if Walt is the incentive, otherwise I can’t see him mustering the willpower to get out

Ana Lucia: I think she’s an interesting case because she is a dirty cop (Jigsaw hates dirty cops almost as much as he hates cheaters) but her backstory is rooted in losing her baby to a criminal (Jigsaw’s whole deal). I think John would actually be sympathetic and probably extend the invitation to become an apprentice (similarly to Hoffman) provided she survived her trap but I don’t think she would. Her nerves were pretty shot after she killed that guy, I’m not sure she could do it again

Kate: Kate is a runner. Kate is a coyote that gnaws off her leg when it gets pinned under a rock. I think Kate would be very similar to Amanda in Saw 2 minus the plot twist in that if she was in a group trap she would latch onto someone to protect but she would also get shit DONE when she needed to. She makes it out

Claire: Claire has done literally nothing to deserve ending up in a saw trap, even by John’s incredibly inconsistent standards. The only way I can even see her being involved is in a family member at the end of a trap circuit to provide incentive capacity for Christian, and those guys don’t usually die. Victory by default

Charlie: Jigsaw hates addicts so Charlie is going in the soup for sure. I think we see that Charlie can lock in when he needs to survive so I think he could probably beat a trap and in that event I can see him being malleable enough to actually buy into the philosophy of the purpose of the saw trap being to make you appreciate your life

Ben: he makes it out. Doesn’t matter what it is. It’s Ben. La cucaracha. I think the real problem would arise when Ben inevitably sought revenge against Jigsaw, I do think John’s precognitive abilities trump Ben’s and Ben would get locked in the saw bathroom Hoffman style

Jin and Sun: while they could technically qualify for traps individually (thug and cheater respectively), but I think they would be in a saw trap because of their proximity to Sun’s evil CEO mob boss dad, like in Saw 6 where their fates aren’t really in their hands. Mob dad would let Jin die but Sun would survive and hate him for the rest of her life

Sawyer: I said before that I don’t think Sawyer could beat a saw trap because he’d chicken out when it came to harming himself but I change my mind. All Sawyer has is survival instinct. Of course he’s gonna make it out. I vote him most likely to Peter Strahm his way out of a rigged trap

Libby: blonde canon fodder. Voted most likely to be killed off first in a group trap.

Juliet: she’s such a Lynn to me, and not just because she was a doctor chosen by an unhinged maniac because of her great skill in her field just trying to get home. She’s very calm headed and very good in a crisis, ruthless when she needs to be. She has all of the skills to get out! It’s just not enough

Hurley: would Hurley even be put in a saw trap? Much like Claire, he hasn’t really… done anything. But he was in an institution after surviving an incident where a lot of people died, which John Kramer could construe as not appreciating his life. I’ll be honest. Hurley doesn’t have that dog in him. He’s one of the guys that freaks out for 55 for 60 of his allotted seconds and just barely starts to try before he gets Venus Flytrapped