BeArsUsuallyEatRocks

shoutout to that one time i scrolled past chainmail at like 2-3 am as a kid and immediately heard an insanely loud thud outside. put the fear of god in me

Ah you see I thought you meant chainmail as in armor. My mistake

knight materializes outside of my house to beat the everloving shit out of 11 yr old me

great job everyone lets hit the showers

Coffee makes you hyper, but coffee shops are designed for people to chill, whereas alcohol is a depressant but bars and clubs are designed for people to be energetic.

Every cat I have known would immediately climb up through the hole and start stealing everybody’s food.

Crime porthole

this was designed by cats

You imprison miette. You put her under the glass like the cheese. Jail for mother for hundreds of years.

this is the most deadpan miette I've ever heard omg

You... brought her home, right? Called her owners? Did something to get her generally in the direction of the people who certainly must miss their daughter dearly?

no they just took a picture for tumblr and then threw the cat down a sewer drain

True happiness is not having to set an alarm for the next day

A world record on who’s been dead the longest is the only world record 100% impossible to break.

That’s the most “meow” meow I’ve ever heard

SHE’S SO MAD THAT WATER IS WET

Okay, I feel like that's a ceremonial ending to Halloween, well done.

A guy walking with one crowbar is more suspicious than a guy walking with three

Casinos must have amazing security videos of people who lost big freaking out, but they’d never release them for a reality show or any other purpose because that’s bad publicity.

THAT FUCKING CHOCOLATE GUY HAS A TV SHOW!!!

Good for him

Fucking Chocolate Guy my beloved