Desert Messiah

i love nyquil. its just lile. detroit become liquid. i dont use the measure cup i just chug what feels right . im moving backwards through a brick wall rn

you could fit anything in me rn im so relaxed

for sure gonna shit the bed tonight

You’ve summed up nyquil in a way that most could not

hello

always blows my mind as a european when people talk about states like “yeah theres nothing in ohio/montana/wyoming/etc” because i look at a map like but. but theyre so big. every state could qualify as its own country what do you mean theres nothing there. and then i ask people from those states and theyre like “yeah theres nothing here” what do you mean theres nothing there!!!

What’s in the steppes of Russia, or the northern forests of Scandinavia? What’s in the Sahara desert?

id like us to sit here and identify some key differences between the sahara desert and ohio for a moment

as a former Ohio resident I think that the key difference is that the sahara probably has more jobs unrelated to meth

untapped meth market in the depths of the sahara desert

*puts my cigarettes out on you*

*wuickly smokes it all before you can reach me*

oh a wise guy huh? *rolls up my sleeves* why I oughta…

*wuickly rolls your sleeves back down before you can hit me*

I’VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG  TOOKMY FUCKING DICK. HE SAID MYDICK WAS HISDICK AND I SAID WO0OW. HERE’S WHAT MY DONG LOOKS LIKE HHH HHH ʰʰʰ ᴡᴀʟɴᴜᴛ AND GUESS WHAT I’M GONNA FUOUF I’M GONNA PIPP I’M GONNA LOOK AT THAT BABY. SHHUHSH. SHSH. SH. sʜ. ᴮᴬᴮʸ. N̴̦͉̔̉͜O̴̙͆̅̽̌Ẉ̸̾́ ̴̲̝̥̀͆G̶̡̛̹̞͗E̷̢̩̰̹̎͌T̴̲̬̆̿̅̚ ̴͓̈́̾͊̏O̵͉͐̚U̷͓͎̿T̸̗̮̪̈́̄̑̽ ̴̜̙̯͕̐̌̒O̵̘̟͋́͜͜F̵̨̃̈́ ̷̯͋̌̍M̷̪̽͒Ÿ̵̯̲̲́̃̏ ̴̧͕̘̞̓F̴̻͗͛͑Ű̷͍̺̥̐Ć̷̢Ķ̸͉̪̭͆̐̆̆I̷̱͇̝͑̈́́ͅN̷̟̅G̷͕͔̗̐ ̵̥̪̗͆S̷̢̼̰̓̍̈́I̴͕̿̑̚G̴̬̳̓͊̊H̸̠̳̬͑T̸̜̜͖̩̔̅͊̔ THAT’S RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SOUP. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT OBAMA, SOUP ON THE MOON!

so it turns out saying the f slur in front of this person wasn't a very good idea

the hundred years war 

Posting a picture of my ass along with numerous pictures of other, unrelated asses and challenging all who dare to identify the true ass like a riddlesome elf.

(illustration by dat-soldier)