are men okay?
my husband told me, after many years of being together, that when he was about 7 a teacher used to single him out for being disrespectful at school. Apparently his disrespectful offense was “smirking” too much???? So he got punished for smiling???? And eventually just trained himself to stop smiling so this teacher would leave him alone???? And that’s why he has such a stoic facial expression now and can’t smile for photographs.
I had to.....privately cry after hearing that one
It’s the only way men are able to discuss their issues because society taught them that they shouldn’t burden people with their issues or that their issues are meaningless or that their issues aren’t actually a thing. Sharing anecdotes with friends is one way of talking about it, because they feel comfortable enough to share. At the same time, they might just not know that the event was traumatic because it’s trauma y’all.
im-
Take this to be your reminder that men experience trauma too and need a safe space to talk about it. Be that safe space for your friends who are men
Sometimes you have to tell a man “so you were assaulted” and they say “it’s not a big deal I told that story a million times everyone always laughs” and you just have to give him 15 minutes or maybe an hour until he comes back and says “hey I think you might be right”
... You're all chumps. This is a manipulation tactic. Quit falling for it.
There's a time and place to share a traumatic story with a friend.
Men are not fragile naive Tarzan babies oblivious to social conventions. They want you to believe that they are so you'll put up with them trampling your boundaries.
Men fully understand there's a right time and a wrong time to bring up a traumatic topic. They confront people with shocking stories at the wrong time on purpose.
She is right about one thing though. While you spiral trying to navigate his untimely declarations, he's giving off a Beach Boys vibe. He's giving off that Beach Boys vibe because he won. He made you uncomfortable. He mad you lose your train of thought. He's making you feel sorry for him. He's in total control and you're completely lost in the situation he created.
Wise up. Quit rewarding this behavior. Immediately point out to him what he's doing. "That came out of nowhere. Why are you telling me this right now?"
You need to be committed
Men sharing trauma in a self mocking way: Thats the only way I can share things and see if its safe to share my trauma with people
Radfemoid: Men should not share their bad experiences ever, actually or they're evil manipulators. Making me uncomfortable with the reality that men are human beings is a hate crime
