TheBandChick

Darn shame if this circulated…

DEFINITELY don’t Lt. John Pike by the nickname “Sargeant Pepper”; I know he HATES that.

the only personality test that actually matters is whether when you go to take a knife out of the knife block you imagine yourself as a final girl in a horror movie or king arthur pulling the sword from the stone

dnd player (non-practicing)

The reason you shouldn’t feed your dog human food isn’t because dogs and humans can’t eat the same things, but because most humans have awful diets.

uh oh! you misunderstood a social cue and said something mildly awkward. you will think about this and cringe everyday for the next 20 years

on my way home last night I stopped to buy gas and realized that my fuel door was almost completely covered in ice and frozen shut so I did the logical thing and crouched down and lifted my shirt and pressed my naked belly against it until it melted

yeah but given my height and the position required it did sort of look like I was fucking my car, is the thing

What’s not to get? You never seen a guy with a brood patch before?

y. you’re deactivated. how are you posting from the grave

I have unfinished business here

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

Because it's also evil

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

You meet god

Whole, in one gulp.

Father of the Muffin Boy

Car's haunted

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

into the sky, where it turns into stars

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

....Ah

teal and orange truly is the greatest color combo in the world. like name one better combo

a platypus palette?

PERRY THE PLATYPUS PALETTE???

Most of us exist just because our parents got a little horny one night

unfortunately I’m watching supernatural and someone on screen said ‘there are No Wolves in pennsylvania’ and I was like. what a bold incorrect statement. where did they possibly get that idea from. so I googled it…google is insisting there are no wild wolves in pa?? except I’ve Seen wolves here?? there used to be a wolf that would hang out in my backyard and roam around the neighborhood?? like Everyone knew about this wolf we assumed he lived on the golf course and would come to our yards if he got spooked by golfers (very quiet block). like we all thought he just lost his pack or whatever so people just gave him a wide space and let him chill, he didn’t try to break into any houses or attack any pets but this was definitely. a wild wolf. where. where did he come from what do you MEAN there aren’t wolves in pennsylvania I’m literally spiraling right now

To be fair, PA also said “we did not reintroduce mountain lions, they are not there, you’re seeing really big house cats, please keep coming to the parks and camp sites and ignore that video, that was totally not a mountain lion, someone took last week”

PA: I can’t believe we’ve lost all our native apex predators Citizens of PA: there’s a mountain lion right there PA: sometimes we can still hear the sound of them scaring away tourists

what the fuck do you mean we have emus

http://emusontheridge.com/ https://www.abc27.com/news/us-world/strange/update-runaway-perry-county-emu-found-after-seven-months-on-the-run/

what the fuck is happening in pennsylvania