the universe has a sense of humor and I can respect the commitment to the bit but girl please.

King shit

The grind NEVER starts. I am sleeping.

people who initiate conversations youre everything and i’m in love with you

the fact that this has replies turned off

i’m not going to fall in love with you bjfaves

I hate buses so much. Trains are easy, reliable, straightforward. No nonsense. You can trust them. Buses are evil, deceitful creatures who delight in your suffering

Receding hairlines are a hoe trait. Male pattern thottiness

Hell yeah king show more skin!

you guys are just posting anything these days

Bitches be like ‘I’m so tired and sleepy’ and then stay up doing hyperfixtation shit for the next 5 hours

If I had the slightest discipline in me I’d be unstoppable

Honestly if I was Chris Rock, I'd just retire. I'm not sure how you, as a comedian, come back from the humiliation of telling a joke so unfunny that the target's husband very calmly slaps the shit out of your face open-handed and then just as calmly returns to his seat, and then like 20 minutes later they call him back onstage and give him a trophy and he apologizes to everyone but you.

if you want me to consume a new media you MUST catch me at the exact moment when the stars are aligned and the air pressure is equal to the current degree of the sun’s peak against the horizon and all the cosmic energies are perfectly unified (aka my old interest is fading out) or i will nod and say “im adding that to my list!” Knowing theres no chance i will check it out

“unless its a book!” “unless you tell me it has gay people in it!” “this but only for live action shows” “theres a good chance i’ll get to it eventually” no wrong this post is not for you this post is ONLY for bitches who could have a treasured friend recommend them something that sounds grown in a lab to be your personal catnip and, with no choice in the matter, immediately know it will never be the right time to watch/read/listen to it

How the fuck can you leave out my main man banana peel