shhhhhh-tuff that i like

(Tags via @travelingneuritis )

QQQ: You need to talk to your brother, he’s bumming us all out like crazy, plus he’s wasting so much of Qian Cao’s budget.

LMY: I’ll see what I can do.

———

LQG: What kind of a “War God” am I if I cannot save even one man from a disciple 11 years my junior… *tearing up* He used to call my title like he truly believed there was nothing I could not defeat. As though he fully trusted I could always keep him safe. What a joke…

LMY (has never heard LQG speak for that long uninterrupted before): Ah… Wei-Shibo is also your Shixiong… you could try protecting him instead?

LQG:

Shen Yuan didn’t originally recognize pre-transition Liu Minghui as the future peak lord of Bai Zhan, but he was very determined to help “her” become strong and independent enough to not immediately fall into the harem with a single look from Luo Binghe. That’s right shimei, you’re going on a camping trip/dungeon crawl with gege so he can force you to solve logic puzzles and think for yourself! Liu Minghui feels so special and chosen with all the attention Shen Yuan gives him when literally the entire peak are breaking down his door at every opportunity.

SY: Shidi, do you want me to teach you manscaping?

LQG: Yes.

SY, internally: IM A FOOL!! WOMEN ARE THE BODY HAIR REMOVERS! STUPID STUPID STUPID, IM TERRIBLE AT BEING AN ALLY!!!!!

LQG: … what is ‘manscaping’?

SY (not thinking): oh, It’s the art of removing body hair to make yourself more handsome— usually focused around the genitals.

LQG: Oh…

Shen Yuan transmigrates into pidw, system free he decides to frolic around the world finding monsters, being a nerdy monster biologist, staying the hell away from anything vaugely plot shaped because he is not getting caught up in that mess no thank you.

Anyway, he inadvertently winds up becoming some sort of cryptid/boogeyman to the regular citizens of the human realm. He always appears right before or alongside the attack of a dangerous monster of some sort. (It's not his fault honestly, he'll be tracking some rare beast, or following one and just happens to be around when it goes on a rampage. Ofc he uses his knowledge and cool new cultivation powers to subdue the monster, or humanely lead it away, but noone ever sees that part)

Eventually the legend of this terrifying beast master that leads monsters to villages to wreak havoc gets large enough that the cultivation sects hear about it and decide to do something.

Liu Qingge decides this is his job, terrifying demonic cultivator who can summon even more terrifying monsters to aide him? Sounds like it could lead to a battle that could actually challenge the war god.

It's almost insulting when he gets to the bottom of things and finds Shen Yuan, who definitely couldn't hurt an innocent person if he tried.

Softly biting Luo Binghe’s cheeks, kissing his forehead, snuggling his face into a tight hug while nuzzling the top of his head

-found an axe formely belonging to a friend who is now in jail

-axe (stolen)

-earrings made out of dentures

-flavored condoms

-a quilt

-hello kitty sweater (stolen from a DIFFERENT ex-friend with a felony charge)

-deer spine

-baseball sized wad of human hair

-""sex apron""

-uranium glass plate

-pile of non-uranium non-car glass

-rollerblades

-complete phantom of the opera cd set

-magic the gathering cards mold-ified into a brick

-lego millennium falcon

-a CUTLASS??? (for "self defense")

-the back bumper of the car

-an entire fucking ant colony

and finally, perhaps the most disturbing,

see i assumed that too initially but no, turns out it was of course Loose Wine Glasses . heres a less distressing picture i took near the bitter end, note the stabbing hazard she pulled from the seat like excaliber itself