Clouds in my head

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

Up until now my projects were a pretty even mix of me being back on my bullshit and gifts for friends, and now this is something different.

This started with me walking by a wrapping station in a mall and going “I can make something cool with this paper”.

So, this is a collection of six short stories about Hades and Persephone (plus a secret seventh thing which is a poem I used as an epigraph). This is also my first print run of 8 copies (I have a surprising number of dear friends who are into this mythological OTP).

Featured works:

Hades and Persephone, a poem by @agest translated into English by erebusodora she would swallow the world by @spacediino I'm here and I'm ready and I've saved you the passanger seat by lanyon We Are the Next Time Around by @skypirateb Pomegranate Seeds by @centrumlumina Persephone on the Counter-World by weakinteraction When the Seasons Change by ghost_maiden_of_delphi

Notes on construction:

🩸Cotton and wrapping decorative paper on the cover, satin ribbon used as accent strip, title linoprinted on the spine; 🩸 Black endpapers with red flyleaves (seriously, those book look like they’ve got sexy lingerie on); 🩸Six pomegranate seeds printed on translucent vellum over the title page; 🩸Body text set in Alegreya; 🩸Edges painted red (my first time doing this, it was fun!); 🩸I used pieces of coral as charms for the ribbon bookmarks.

So, yesterday, I got into a rather stupid internet argument with someone who was peddling what seemed to me to be a rather insidious narrative about slur-reclamation. Someone in the ensuing notes raised a point which I thought was interesting, and worrying, and probably needed to be addressed in it’s own post. So here we go:

The word ‘queer’ itself seems to be especially touchy for many, so let me begin to address this by way of analogy.

Instead of talking about “queer”, let’s start by talking about “Jew” - a word which I believe is very similar in its usage in some significant ways.

Now, the word “Jew” has been used as a derogatory term for literally hundreds of years. It is used both as a noun (eg. “That guy ripped me off - what a dirty Jew”) and as a verb (eg. “That guy really Jew-ed me”). These usages are deeply, fundamentally, horrifically offensive, and should be used under no circumstances, ever. And yet, I myself have heard both, even as recently as this past year, even in an urban location with plenty of Jews, in a social situation where people should have known better. In short – the word “Jew”, as it is used by certain antisemites, is – quite unambiguously – a slur. Not a dead slur, not a former slur – and active, living slur that most Jews will at some point in their life encounter in a context where the term is being used to denigrate them and their religion. 

Now here’s the thing, though: I’m a Jew. I call myself a Jew. I prefer that all non-Jews call me a Jew – so do most Jews I know. “Jew” is the correct term for someone who is part of the religion of Judaism, the same way that “Muslim” is the correct term for someone who is part of the religion of Islam, and “Christian” is the correct term for someone who is part of the religion of Christianity. 

In fact, almost all of the terms that non-Jews use to avoid saying “Jew” (eg. “a member of the Jewish persuasion”, “a follower of the Jewish faith”, “coming from a Jewish family”, “identifying as part of the Jewish religion”, etc) are deeply offensive, because these terms imply to us that the speaker sees the term “Jew” (and by extension, what that term stands for) as a dirty word.

“BUT WAIT” – I hear you say – “didn’t you just say that Jew is used as a slur?!?”

Yes. Yes, I did. And also, it is fundamentally offensive not to call us that, because it is our name and our identity.

Let me back up a little bit, and bring you into the world of one of those 2000s PSAs about not using “that’s so gay”. Think of some word that is your identity – something which you consider to be a fundamental and intrinsic part of yourself. It could be “female” or “male”, or “Black” or “white”, “tall” or “short”, “Atheist” or “Mormon” or “Evangelical” – you name it.

Now imagine that people started using that term as a slur.

“What a female thing to do!” they might say. “That teacher doesn’t know anything, he’s so female!”

Or maybe, “Yikes, look at that idiot who’s driving like an atheist. It’s so embarrassing!”

Or perhaps, “Oh gross, that music is so Black, turn it off!”

Now, what would you say if the same groups of people who had been saying those things for years turned around and avoided using those words to describe anything other than an insult?

“Oh, so I see you’re a member of the female persuasion!”

“Is he… a follower of the atheist beliefs? Like does he identify as part of the community of atheist-aligned individuals?”

“So, as a Black-ish identified person yourself – excuse me, as a person who comes from a Black-ish family…”

Here’s the fundamental problem with treating all words that are used as slurs the same, without any regard for how they are used and how they developed – not all slurs are the same.

No one, and I mean no one (except maybe for a small handful of angsty teens who are deliberately making a point of being edgy) self-identifies as a kike. In contrast, essentially all Jews self-identify as Jews. And when non-Jews get weird about that identity on the grounds that “Jew is used as a slur”, despite the fact that it is the name that the Jewish community as a whole resoundingly identifies with, what they are basically saying is that they think that the slur usage is more important than the Jewish community self-identification usage. They are saying, in essence, “we think that your name should be a slur.” 

Now, at the top I said that the word “Jew” and the word “queer” had some significant similarities in terms of their usage, and I think that’s pretty apparent if you look at what people in those communities are saying about those terms. When American Jews were being actively threatened by neo-Nazis in the 70s, the slogan of choice was “For every Jew a .22!″. When the American Queer community was marching in the 90s in protest of systemic anti-queer violence, the slogan of choice was “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!” Clearly, these are terms that are used by the communities themselves, in reference to themselves. Clearly, these terms are more than simply slurs.

But while there are useful similarities between how the terms “Jew” and “Queer” are used by bigots and by their own communities, I’d also like to point out that there is pretty substantial and important difference:

Unlike for “queer”, there is no organized group of Jewish antisemites who are using the catchphrase “Jew is a slur!” in order to selectively silence and disenfranchise Jews who are part of minority groups within Judaism. 

This is the real rub with the term queer – no one was campaigning about it being a slur until less than a decade ago. No one was saying that you needed to warn for the word queer when queer people were establishing the academic discipline of queer studies. No one was ‘think of the children”-ing the umbrella term when queer activists were literally marching for their lives. Go back to even 2010 and the term “q slur” would have been basically unparseable – if I saw someone tag something “q slur”, like most queer people I would have wracked my brains trying to figure out what slur even started with q, and if I learned that it was supposed to be “queer”, my default assumption would be that the post was made by a well-meaning but extremely clueless straight person.

I literally remember this shift – and I remember who started it. Exclusionists didn’t like the fact that queer was an umbrella term. Terfs (or radfems as they like to be called now) didn’t like that queer history included trans history; biphobes and aphobes didn’t like that the queer community was also a community to bisexuals and asexuals. And so what could they possibly say, to drive people away from the term that was protecting the sorts of queer people that they wanted to exclude?

Well, naturally, they turned to “queer is a slur.”

And here’s the thing – queer is a slur, just like Jew is a slur, and no one is denying that. And that fact makes “queer is a slur so don’t use it” a very convincing argument on the surface: 1) queer is still often used as a slur, and 2) you shouldn’t ever use slurs without carefully tagging and warning people about them (and better yet, you should never use them at all), and so therefore 3) you need to tag for “the q slur” and you need to warn people not to call the community “the queer community” or it’s members “queer people” or its study “queer studies” – because it’s a slur!

But the crucial step that’s missing here is exactly the same one above, for the word “Jew” – and that step is that not all slurs are the same. When a term is both used as a slur and used as a self-identity term, then favoring the slur meaning instead of the identity meaning is picking the side of the slur-users over the disadvantaged group! 

If you say or tag “q slur” you are sending the message, whether you realize it or not, that people who use “queer” as a slur are more right about its meaning than those who use it as their identity. Tagging for “queer” is one thing. People can filter for “queer” if it triggers them, just like people can filter for anything else. Not everyone has to personally use the term queer, or like the term queer. But there is no circumstance where the term “q slur” does not indicate that you think queer is more of a slur than of an accurate description of a community.

If I, as a Jew, ever came across a post where someone had warned for innocent, positive, non-antisemitic content relating to Judaism with the tag “J slur”, I would be incensed. So would any Jew. The act of tagging a post “J slur” is in and of itself antisemitic and offensive.

This is exactly what the title says…a master list posting of all the interviews, speeches, and discussions that I could find with Raul. I’ll continue updating it as new interviews are released or old ones are discovered! 

Broadway Interviews

Broadway.com’s Ask A Star (Leap of Faith, Tick Tick Boom, Company, etc)

Show People with Paul Wontorek (Tick Tick Boom, Arcadia, Taboo)

NY1 Interview (Company)

Early Show Interview & Performance (Company)

Theater Talk feat. Ian McShane (The Homecoming) 2011

2007 Drama Desk Awards Backstage

2008 Tony Nominees Interview

Stephen Holt Show 2009 (Twelfth Night) - with Anne Hathaway

Leap of Faith Preview & Interview 2012 - cast, choreographer, and composer

Broadway.com’s My Space 2011 (Arcadia)

In The Lab with Arthur Kade 2014 (Miscast)

Broadway Chatterbox 2004

Playbill Interview 2012 (Leap of Faith) - Alan Menken & Glenn Slater 

Broadway.com’s Opening Night 2012 (Leap of Faith)

Today Show 2001 (Tick Tick Boom)

Theater Talk 2007 (Company)

TheaterMania 2010 (Anyone Can Whistle)

Raul Esparza & Alan Menken discuss Leap of Faith 2012

Hannibal Interviews

Seat42F Comic Con 2014 

San Diego Comic Con 2014 

Hit Fix Comic Con 2014  - various cast members

Geek Mundo Comic Con 2014 

Comic Con Panel 2014  - various cast members 

Pop Series Comic Con 2014

Law & Order SVU Interviews

102.5 Joe Jewett 2013 

PaleyFest NY 2014 - Danny Pino & Peter Scanavino

Law & Order Season Finale Interview 2013

Law & Order Season Premiere Interview 2015

Law & Order Season 15 Episode 12 Interview 2014

Law & Order On Set Interview 2013

Fan Q&A 2013 

Mariska Hargitay’s Fan Q&A 2013 (he comes in at like 26 seconds)

Un Neuvo Dia 2014 - Danny Pino

Miscellaneous 

El Museo Annual Gala 2013 (Excellence in the Arts Award) - skips to 5:45

Broadway World TV 2007 

La Musica Que Te Gusta 2012 (mostly singing)

Interview for My Soul To Take 2010

Weirdos TV 2009 - Not even a legitimate interview but including anyway

Tribute to Polly Bergen 2015 (talks about the play Taboo)

NoMore Domestic Violence PSA 2015 - Peter Scanavino

Esta Noche Part 1 2010 (I can’t tell what this show is actually called)

Esta Noche Part 2 2010

Acceptance Speech for Best Actor Drama Desk 2007

American Theater Right Wing 2005

Broadway Radio 2015

Stage Rush TV 2011

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 1

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 2

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 3

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 4

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 5

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 6

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 7

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 8

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 9

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 10

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 11

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 12

Count of Monte Cristo book Discussion 2013 part 13

Raul Esparza’s Speech on closing night of Company 

Outer Critics Circle Announces Award Nominees 2014/15

Nantucket Film Festival 2013 (Raul’s presenting)

HOLA Jose Ferrer Award Acceptance Speech 2005

A Bonus Gift

Finishing the Hat 2002 (Sunday in the Park with George) 

If you are already of the mindset that people who write smut or erotica about real people should be burned at the stake then don’t read past this point because it’s just going to piss you off.

Fan culture is a thing. I’m sure you’re not unaware of this fact. A big part of fan culture is thirsting for the people you are a fan of, so real people. Not everyone, of course, but that there exist words such as hard fan or soft fan, and those “… read thirst tweets” videos is proof that this is a real thing, and that the people involved are aware of it. Whether you think this is good or bad is up to you, but it’s there and it’s real so… you know, whatever. I’d like to make note of the fact that smut (erotica) will only ever be allowed by fans if the people involved are legal adults, and the people writing it are legal adults. I’m not here for anything even nearing sexuality written about minors, that’s disgusting. (And fans, at least in the communities I’ve been in, do come with pitchforks to stab people who’d think about writing anything inappropriate about minors.) Point being, thirsting over an idol or celeb is real, has always been real, and won’t suddenly disappear in 2020.

Second, celebs know of this stuff. They are adults, I’m pretty sure they understand the idea of sexuality and being attracted to someone. If they, or you as a fan, find this perverse or wrong or anything like that, no one is holding a gun against your head to read it. Hell, I’m pretty sure you can ban certain tags from showing up on your feed so just block #smut and #x reader or whatever and you won’t have to deal with it another second. What struck me as so condescending in the post was the “it’s perverse”, because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with reading or writing smut, and though you’re allowed to think about it otherwise, I don’t think there’s any need to say that ITS PERVERSE, just because you don’t understand it. Similarly, no one is holding a gun against a celeb’s head to read smut either. I don’t know about all celebs but before I got into this community I’d never even seen smut before, and it’s not like I’m a sheltered person or anything like that. For a celeb to see smut, they’d have to be searching for it. In which case, I think it’s pretty safe to say that they don’t mind it as much as op is making it out to be. So, people aren’t dumb. Don’t act like everyone is a sheltered snowflake and that seeing the word fuck is going to break them. Please, they are grown adults that have dealt with much worse. You don’t have to like it, but don’t put people down for doing what they like without harming anyone.

Lastly, writing is a big outlet for so many people. I’ll be very blunt now, because I think this is the biggest problem I have with this post. Write what you want to write. No one, not op, not anyone else, has any say over what you can and can’t write. If you want to write shitty imagines, do it. If you want to write crack fics with self insert characters and your fav celebs, do it. If you want to write gross, gross smut with “real people”, do it. Because in all truth, whatever you write, will never be about a real person anyway. It will be about your interpretation of this person, your idealized idea of this person and spoiler alert, a lot of fiction is about either self-inserts, or people the writers look up to, in all contexts of writing. Luke Skywalker literally is a self-insert of George Lucas (see: Luke S and Lucas). All of this to say, if it makes you happy, relieves stress, makes you feel better or anything else, and you’re doing it in a safe environment without harming anyone (trigger warnings are important, for example), write whatever you please. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can’t write, just because they don’t understand it.

Have you guys read sunstone?

yes?

Are you indoors and need more stuff?

I can’t offer any nsfw fun, but here’s Blood Stain 1- 4 pdfs 

and all current Punderworld  :D   

  All nicely tucked in my dropbox folder :D

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/yo66a4wvhd8zt4r/AADthz-KB2G3p1P3Ys-erRZVa?dl=0

You’re welcome!

FREE COLORING BOOK! Download yours HERE!