Jealousy vs. Possessiveness - A Look at Zenitsu Agatsuma
Everyone knows that Zenitsu gets jealous very easily, and like all his emotions, Zenitsu is loud about it, at least to the audience.
However, some people argue that he's "obsessed" and "possessive" of Nezuko. Is that the case? Well, first, you have to define what "possessive" and "obsessed" actually mean in this context.
When someone has an obsessive fixation--or, more specifically, a toxic obsessive fixation--on another person, they dehumanize them. They do not love the person, they love the concept of the person, they deny the person their agency, and view them as a prize. Obsession is an excessive fixation on another person. Toxic obsession occurs when that fixation causes someone to disregard another person's autonomy, boundaries, or well being.
Early Zenitsu did exhibit some extremely poor behavior--begging a woman for marriage and was so stuck in his head during a meltdown that he failed to realize she was trying to turn him down. He absolutely has trouble with picking up on boundaries. However, given that Zenitsu was going "please don't leave me" rather than "I own/control you" or "I'm entitled to you", this is not possessiveness or even toxic obsession. It's socially inappropriate behavior that he gets rightfully clocked on by Tanjiro--and Zenitsu listens and changes his behavior from there.
While Zenitsu does have an intense fixation on marriage--and, when he develops his crush, marrying Nezuko--this stems from a deep level of trauma, as he has been abandoned and unloved (and exploited/groomed!) pretty much his whole life. Zenitsu is terrified or being alone and unloved. It's not out of a desire to possess Nezuko like an object. His fixation on marriage and loud attempts to woo Nezuko are a desperate plea for someone to love him--and he fixates on Nezuko because she was the first girl to treat him kindly. He loves her kindness, and that kindness is why he falls for her. He's not in love with her as a concept.
And as for dehumanization? Zenitsu flat out never does this. In fact, he's one of the few characters who never dehumanize Nezuko. He never treats her as a "demon" (and doesn't really register her as one), but as a normal teenage girl. This bit from Flower of Happiness makes this abundantly clear:
So no, he does not dehumanize her.
And furthermore--Zenitsu is fixated on Tanjiro as well.
It's not presented as romantic, but Zenitsu loudly vies for Tanjiro's attention and approval. He clings to Tanjiro when afraid more than he clings to any other character in the show. The way Zenitsu cries out Tanjiro's name in the series has been memed, similar to how Zenitsu cries out Nezuko's name has been memed.
So surely if he's "obsessive" over Nezuko, he must be obsessive over Tanjiro, too. Except that, as I have already established, Zenitsu's feelings about Nezuko do not qualify as obsessive. The same goes for his feelings about Tanjiro.
Zenitsu is an intense kid, he feels things deeply, and struggles with emotional regulation. But his feelings are not true obsession.
Now. Onto defining "possessiveness".
First of all--while possessiveness is a state that involves both a feeling and a behavior, it fundamentally manifests as controlling behavior, and has roots in entitlement.
Contrast that with jealousy, which is a feeling that stems from insecurity and a fear of losing connection.
Now, which does Zenitsu fall under?
His first "interaction", so to speak, with Nezuko was putting his life on the line to protect her box simply because Tanjiro said it was important to him. It was one of selfless protection.
And Nezuko herself was aware of what was going on outside, and it made her heart skip a beat (ie, she had a crush), but didn't realize her protector was the same person as Zenitsu at first.
However, I know that Zenitsu didn't know Nezuko (a nice and pretty teenage girl) was in the box, and did this for Tanjiro's sake. So we can move along.
Their first direct interaction is this:
It's Zenitsu innocently presenting her with flowers, which Nezuko isn't opposed to. And he isn't trying to possess her like an object--even when he first saw her, he was in reverent awe of her beauty.
Alright. I'll talk about the elephant in the room--that is, Zenitsu's reaction when he found out Tanjiro was traveling with Nezuko.
People highlight this as jealousy--and some argue he tried to kill Tanjiro--but is it really?
First off, Tanjiro is completely fine after that scene. Zenitsu did not harm him (and Zenitsu's the fastest of the trio and would be more than capable of catching him if he wanted to). So no, Zenitsu did not try to kill Tanjiro.
Additionally--let's look at what Zenitsu actually said, shall we?
Yes, he calls Tanjiro "lucky", so there is some jealousy at play (and at this point, Zenitsu doesn't know Nezuko is Tanjiro's sister).
However, this is followed by:
He says "give me back the blood I bled for you", and talks about him getting nearly killed by Inosuke.
This is the main reason he's angry; he thinks Tanjiro tricked him into being the bodyguard for Tanjiro's girlfriend. And Zenitsu was nearly pummeled to death as a result. This is the source of most of his anger in this scene.
And he doesn't try to control Nezuko here--the panel below makes that abundantly clear.
He was, in fact, respecting her space and boundaries. That's the opposite of possessiveness.
This is followed by him later going up Mt. Natagumo because he wants to protect Nezuko (selfless protection).
During the Rehabilitation arc, when he learns that Tanjiro and Inosuke were being trained by pretty girls (Aoi and Kanao), he does have a jealous crashout (though some of it was fueled by him thinking Tanjiro and Inosuke were being ungrateful).
However--he doesn't act possessive towards anyone (girls or no), and doesn't dehumanize anyone.
No, talking to your (male) friends about feeling physical attraction is not dehumanization. He did not say it to any of the girls. In fact, given that he dragged Tanjiro and Inosuke all the way outside, he seemed to be trying to not be overheard by the girls. However, this is still probably his worst moment.
Additionally, while he wants to spend time with Nezuko, he never forces it on her, or tries to force her out of her box. He meets her on her level:
He's happy to sit next to Nezuko's box and tell her stories about the day if that's what he's comfortable with.
And as specified in The Flower of Happiness, he goes on night walks with her:
He isn't forcing this on her. He isn't coercing Nezuko into doing what he wants her to do, she explicitly wants to go on a walk with him and wants him to make her a flower crown.
He also got permission from both Shinobu and Tanjiro (and the latter is essentially Nezuko's de facto guardian), so he's definitely not overstepping here.
Not possessiveness, and not controlling.
During Mugen Train, we see him jump in to selflessly protect Nezuko again (albeit while he's in sleep mode). He does not try to control her, or take her out of the fight. He simply gets her out of danger--which she appreciates.
And this is Zenitsu's dream of Nezuko during Mugen Train:
It's him and Nezuko frolicking through a field together on a date and living a happy life. It's not of her being subserviant to him, or him "owning" her in some way, or dehumanizing to her. It's them being happy together.
During the EDA, we do see Zenitsu get jealous of Tengen for having three wives. While not one of his finer moments (though not his worst either), it was just a gag that culminates in Tengen punching Zenitsu. He never acts possessive of like he's owed anything--which brings me to my next point.
Zenitsu was in a brothel during this arc, surrounded by pretty women. And while he was undercover, he also never tried to take advantage of the situation, or felt entitled to anyone there. He only ever tried to protect the girls (starting at the beginning of the arc when he tries to help protect Aoi and Naho from Tengen).
We see Zenitsu and Nezuko interact again during the hashira training arc. He gushes over her in the sunlight, acting like she hung the moon and stars, which Nezuko doesn't mind and actually blushes at him during. He holds her hand, which she doesn't mind.
He does ask her to marry him here--but when she doesn't give him an answer, does he demand one? Get controlling and demand an answer?
No. He doesn't. He does not pester her about it, and the moment passes.
Now, I will admit we see him get jealous of Inosuke here, because Inosuke taught her his name, which resulted in Nezuko calling him "Inosuke", since she was still re-learning how to talk after not doing it for two years straight.
Zenitsu does say "I think I'll go kill him", (in front of Nezuko, Aoi, and the triplets--he doesn't even give Inosuke the 'threat') but this is another shounen gag. Nothing comes of it, and he doesn't do anything to Inosuke, nor is there any indication he tried to.
So. He got jealous, but wasn't possessive here.
After the Final Battle, he witnesses an interaction between Sanemi and Nezuko:
And this reaction from Zenitsu:
This is an example of jealousy, not possessiveness.
Zenitsu does not do anything here--those are his internal thoughts. He's literally fuming in silence.
And more importantly--he does not try to attack Sanemi. He does not try to control Nezuko. He does not tell her not to talk to Sanemi. He in no way treats Nezuko as an object or property following this interaction.
He still respects her autonomy, boundaries, and personhood.
It's jealousy, a normal human emotion that people can't help feeling.
It is not possessiveness.
And finally--the epilogue.
Zenitsu got jealous when Nezuko and Inosuke became close friends, and in order to get Nezuko's attention, would exaggerate his leg pain.
Was this right of him? No. However, it's still not possessiveness. It's jealousy and immaturity. He is vying for her attention.
But he does not tell her to not talk to Inosuke or to stop being his friend.
He also does not attack or threaten Inosuke, or try to force him to stop hanging out with Nezuko.
He does not act like Nezuko personally slighted him when she hangs out with Inosuke.
He only ever tries to get her attention.
He still respects her autonomy, even if he doesn't like her being friends with other guys. He respects her choices.
That is jealousy, not possessiveness.
Same goes for Zenitsu's cringey escapist self-inert fanfic--it was born from jealousy, immaturity, insecurity, but it is in no way indicative of possessive behavior or manipulation to keep Nezuko to himself.
He never once tries to isolate her, or even considers doing something like that. He wants Nezuko to be happy, and respects her as a person.
And if you need further proof, this is his proposal to Nezuko:
He gives her a year to respond.
If he were toxic, obsessive, and possessive, he wouldn't have, and would have hounded and demanded an answer--and more specifically, would have demanded immediate compliance.
(Or, at the very least, would try to keep her away from other guys, which he did not do.)
But he didn't, because he respects her autonomy, respects her boundaries, and respects her as a person. He never tries to strip these things from her, which is the opposite of toxic possessiveness. He is literally willing to sit with uncertainty for a year so Nezuko can figure out her own feelings.
So--while Zenitsu does have jealousy issues he needs to work on (and he does in the epilogue), he is not possessive or obsessed--and that is an important distinction. Jealousy is not possessiveness. Jealousy is not toxic obsession. And Zenitsu never tries to control Nezuko. He never makes his jealousy Nezuko's problem.
Zenitsu most definitly lacks a volume button and certainly has serious jealousy issues born from the trauma of childhood abandonment--I am not pretending otherwise. But he is completely devoid of the hallmarks of a toxic obsessiveness or possessiveness. Zenitsu is loud, a drama king, and terribly insecure. His canon flaws are insecurity, social ineptitude, jealousy, and emotional dependency. But at the end of the day, he is a protector at his core--and he genuinely cares about Nezuko Kamado, and always gives her the dignity of making her own choices.
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