Aurenzo (Aure, 22) he/him

just saw a deactivated mutual's post on my dash. that's my dead wife's corpse you're all dragging around

I also reblog this guys dead wife.

quite frankly I dont think the church of scientology should be responding to the speedrun craze by bolstering security. I think they should modify their buildings to add attractive 'speedrunner corridors' to draw the speedrunners to (using the same mentality as wildlife bridges) and at the end of it should be a guy in a scary ogre costume who yells scary indecipherable noises and starts chasing them

DON'T SPEAK TO ME FOR THREE TO FIVE BUSINESS DAYS I AM NOT OKAY

happy holidays y'all

i am now a little bug

i hope i'm not just a friend to you, but also a little bug on your screen

you're so small. Also, do you want me to get you a terrarium while I buy a daylight lamp?

i am now a little bug

i hope i'm not just a friend to you, but also a little bug on your screen

do y'all think the parallel mouse America is like also dealing with resurgent mouse fascism or have they been doing better

I love that I share my house with one of the most efficient apex predators millions of years of evolution could produce. I love that two of nature’s most prolific machines met and were like “hmmm. We should lay around and do nothing together”. Now we’re both fat and happy and full of meat. The hedonism of it all

Humans keeping cats and dogs as family members is like three prodigy assassins being introduced in the back of a shady nightclub and 45 minutes later they’re 6 crunchwrap supremes deep passing a blunt in the back of a shag carpeted Volkswagen microbus rating Oreo varietals by fuckability

tumblr users have the unique ability to string together sentences never before seen in all of human history and yet they conjure up such specific visceral imagery that you can’t help but be a little in awe. and i think that’s beautiful

Love and peace on planet earth

a couple months ago i got a job selling cheese and something about my work environment makes me come across noticably gayer. could not tell you why. something inherently faggy about the cheese business

today the world's most heterosexual man comes up like "hey my wife wants me to pick up a soft spreadable cheese. like maybe a goat cheese" and i was like "well these are our chevres. but there's this LOVELY lavender fennel goat cheese by cypress grove if you're feeling zesty. are you feeling zesty" and he was like "...i am. i am feeling zesty" like the idea of feeling zesty had only just now occured to him

@milfenthousiast can imagine Dean be the customer guy

[through tears] he deserves a happy meal !! so he can be !! happy !!