Andromeda

Being the person that needs to nap after every big meal is so embarrassing. I apologize for being a 1 week old

you ever have “cry and scream yourself awake” level nightmares that are immediately the stupidest premises imaginable the moment you actually wake up

The last time I wailed "help, please, help me, heeelp" loud enough to have the whole house come running, it was because I was having a nightmare that I was in my laundry room, and out of the corner of my eye I witnessed a Snoopy stuffed animal slowly rise up on two legs, as if being manipulated by a ghost or perhaps made animate by a possessing spirit, and slowly start to dance the Macarena.

I can’t stop thinking about this

[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]

“Holy shit two cakes,” I mutter to myself as I do fucking anything these days, this post was a godsend

i think my favorite response to a complaint about someone is "we should kill them"

I miss when the big boat was stuck

I apologize.

insert that YOU chihuahua post where theyre being pinned down i cant for the life of me find it

Oh, Charles. The hubris. Honey. You had to know this was a possibility. Why would you tempt Apollo like that.

I love how we don't even need Apollo to be captioned, it's just "he's holding a dodgeball and looks Greek statue, of COURSE it's Apollo delivering the gift of prophecy unto unsuspecting tumblr users"

Absolute fucking trainwreck of a post

i would've made for such a good fucking cat life's so unfair

this is insane (talking about normal things happening)