overheard in the coffee shop from a middle aged gay man to his (female) friend: “are you embarrassed? about being foolish? please manage yourself better in this situation. this man is not behaving as if he is interested in you.”
“he’s evil. like jeff bezos. Do you understand.” and she’s just nodding with eyes downcast in shame
meanwhile some influencer is filming a mukbang three feet away. he’s wearing a domo hat exactly like this one but it’s neon blue and he’s slurping loudly over the idiot sandwich lecture happening nearby
i forgot to add this until now but after the gay guy was done scolding his friend and they left, their table was taken up by an aging european twink telling a wealthy-looking bubbe with increasing distress about how much cold cut meat he’d eaten the night before and the funnier she found it the more distraught he got about his nighttime deli frenzy
he was like [completely unidentifiable european accent] after you went to bed. i ate ze ham. and ze mortadella also… and. also the prosciutto. no stop giggling at me zis is not funny it was 500 grams each. i ate 500 grams of ze ham and 500 grams of ze mortadella and 500 grams of ze prosciutto and that is ONE POINT FIVE KILOGRAMS OF MEAT !! I ate so many meats!!! Stop giggling at me i am going to be fat!!!! I even ate ze cheeses!!!
