Void

D         I           B  [fist clenching]

HRGHNF HRGHNF HRGHNF HRGHNF 

why are you following me? i dont even go to your school! ANd ThE,,,,DOHRRGRHGH…HhE Makes me SSO MA  DD!!! the Hhorrible PUNY BRAIN mEAT CHILd, WITh HIS Little gLASS E S. AND HIS- 

RRFH RRFH

HEAD 

[slams door]

you start with a frog playing piano. you are instantly intrigued. you get given a really cool intro song that plays perfectly on the notes of like, autumn nostalgia? it’s pretty and slow music, showing you images you haven’t seen before but the tone makes it feel like stuff you’ve forgotten, things on the tip of your tongue, rather than stuff that’s entirely new

we then have the narration, that’s like, storybook shit, you think ah yes i know where this is going, this is the feeling i was just having

this is furthered by the creepy but still fairytale style woods

and then we have greg’s first line which is literally just the list “antelope, guggenheim, albert, salami, giggly, jumpy, tom, thomas, tambourine, leg face mccullen, artichoke, penguin, pete, steve” and with every new word added you’re trying to guess what the fuck he’s listing and how this has anything to do with the setting you thought you knew, it puts you completely on the back foot but you’ve gotta find out what it is now

but nothing prepares you for the moment greg goes “but i think the very worst name for this frog is-” and that’s the kicker. bc it’s ridiculous and its funny and it tells a whole story and makes you look at the whole thing in a new light and sets an incredible tone for the story before we know anything about the characters or even reach a single plot point

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

The other day I was feeling miserable, so I hopped on a bus and rode it all the way back to where I’d started, and my brain, which had finally had some proper stimulation via new environments, was suddenly ready to go again!

The tables for this are reproduced in their entirety below; roll 1d4 to determine the number of demonic features your tiefling possesses, then 1d100 on the Tiefling Appearance table for each feature, re-rolling any contradictory or redundant results. Some entries in the Special Side Effects table have been lightly re-written for mechanical compatibility with D&D 5th Edition, and may not represent reasonable racial features in a typical 5E game – the objective here is to reflect the source material as closely as possible, not to achieve balance.

  [  http://www.snopes.com/1912-article-global-warming/  ] 

Old Macd*nald had a farm.  

He advanced, close enough that the threads on his rich robes could be counted by the naked eye. After a furtive glance over his shoulder, he dropped his voice to a desperate whisper and said, “Could you… could you do it again? Please?”

“Not if they disagree with you.”

“They can do that?!” He licked his lips, trembling with excitement. “And voting! You say I… you say I could lose?!”

“Yeah, uh. And you probably would.”

“Or you could just… not have me executed.”

“You’ve ruined my gown,” said the space emperor, regarding the growing purple stain on his sleeve. “These fibers were harvested on Lutoya-29, a planet that was demolished six units ago. There is no other like it in the galaxy. I could have you harvested for washing-water for this.” He looked up and met the hero’s eyes, his thoughtful expression melting into a delighted grin. “But I don’t have to, do I?”

“No, Your Incandecense,” whispered the woman. Her sweat-beaded skin had grown translucent with fear.

“I don’t even have to have you killed at all!” he exclaimed. “I could… I could…” he cast around the chamber, as though searching for inspiration in the lavish furnishings.

“Please, Your Incandecense.” The woman’s voice was low and unsteady, but her gaze remained fixed on the floor. “I’ll do anything, please, forgive—”

“Anything! You’re right!” He clapped his hands and rubbed them together, stamping his feet in a little dance. “I could do anything! In fact—” he reached over the table and clasped the hero’s hand in his own. “Nothing is anything! I could do nothing! Nothing at all!” He giggled merrily and then froze, gingerly releasing the hero’s hand and leaning back. He tapped one bejeweled finger against his temple and gave an exaggerated wink. “Oh, right. Consent.”

The serving-woman’s eyes flickered to the hero’s for a moment, nervous questions burning in them. The hero gave a barely-imperceptible shrug and a very tiny, reassuring smile. The emperor did not seem to notice.

“Is there more wine?” he asked. “Splendid. Please. Do it again.”

“What…?” The woman’s skin flashed an alarming yellow.

The emperor gestured enthusiastically. “The wine. My gown. I think you should reacquaint them.”

“He wants you to spill the wine on him again,” explained the hero. “No, really. He’s, uh… he’s having an interesting day.”

me, standing in front of the burger king counter like the blithering hunger gibbon i am: i’ll have… uhhh… double whopper with fries. thank you. large please

OH MAN

LET ME LEARN YOU A THING

AND YET

WE ARE NOW GROWN-ASS ADULTS IN OUR THIRTIES

AND IT STILL GETS QUOTED FROM TIME TO TIME

I HAVE THE WHOLE THING MEMORISED

TO THIS DAY, MY MOTHER REGULARLY SAYS “BUT I AM LE TIRED” BECAUSE OF A VIDEO I SHOWED HER IN FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL