im the dj screaming w laughter
I think about this at least once a day.
working in customer service be like
I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS THE OTHER DAY. I SUMMONED IT!
occasionally subtle

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@attahunk
im the dj screaming w laughter
I think about this at least once a day.
working in customer service be like
I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS THE OTHER DAY. I SUMMONED IT!

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murder literally doesnt hurt anyone
You can ask anyone who has been murdered and they literally have nothing to say on the topic. It clearly doesn’t matter to them
did u know: according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turns into the frightochondria and becomes the haunted house of the cell
This should not have made me laugh
As a scientist I can confirm
you know whats a good trope? when a character sarcastically says “what should we do? [proposes outlandish and foolish plan]” and the next scene is them mid-execution of said outlandish and foolish plan
#prime execution of this is still #WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO #DRESS IN DRAG AND DO THE HULA??? (x)

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via christianmhull
Modern day Sysiphus
the best part is at the end when you can hear the dispenser go again
did U GUYS KNOW, that the way stores get the balloons off of the ceiling is with ANOTHER balloon, w tape on the top??? and they just dont cut the string so it’s like super long and u gotta aim it right n reel it in. i just found that out today when i DID IT and it’s been the best working day of my life i had a blast blowing up balloons and fetching some off the ceiling. i had so much power? and NO ONE ELSE in my department likes that job so now it’s MY job when need be
omg so I work at a museum and one of our buildings has a) very high ceilings and b) a bizarrely sensitive alarm system that will go off if anything touches the ceiling. Because of this, helium balloons are considered public enemy #1 and are strictly forbidden from entering the museum. But just in case an illicit balloon is successfully smuggled in, the museum has acquired a fucking b.b. gun for the express purpose of shooting down rogue balloons.
lawful good vs chaotic good
chaotic evil
terrifying, thank you
great names for triplets
waluigi
wal2igi
waluig3

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nah. fuck you *throws awful ingredients into your stock and ruins your soup beyond repair*
Sperm whale mimics a spinning diver.
Humans: *encounters Earth’s Largest Carnivore, who would could swallow them whole, probably*
Human: … Spin?
Earth’s largest carnivore, with a brain that weighs almost as much as this naked beach ape*: SPIN!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN SPERM WHALES ARE CARNIVORES
I THOUGHT THEY ATE KRILL AND STUFF LIKE OTHER WHALES
Nope! Sperm whales eat extremely large deep-sea squids, like the Giant and Colossal Squids. They have also been known to opportunistically eat dead whales, sharks, and seals, but not actively hunt them. They got real big teeth for it too:
However, they only have teeth on thier bottom jaw! they have corresponding holes in their top jaw for the teeth to lock into, which makes hanging onto a slippery, boneless squid:
It should be noted that the human here isn’t in particular danger of being eaten on purpose, but an accidental swing of it’s multi-ton head, a clip from the teeth, or being directly in the line of it’s sonar could seriously injure or kill them- Divers that have been in the direct line of echolocation for a sperm whale calf have described being hit with the soundwave like “being kicked by a horse” and some have suffered internal organ damage. Sperm whales, like other large whales, aren’t particularly aggressive towards humans, but they are still very large wild animals who behave in unpredictable ways.
I know that in US waters, it’s illegal to intentionally come within 300 yards of any whale or dolphin, and if one appears closer you should turn off your engine or stop paddling to avoid accidental injury to you or it. This human is doing something dangerous and ill-advised, but it’s still hopeful that we can love something like a 130,000 lb deep-diving, squid-eating Oceanic former ungulate.
Im.sorry I’ve lived my entire life not realizing that echolocation could possibly be felt and I have to come to terms with the fact that whales have sonic attacks
Does Brian have a Tumblr cuz I wanna tag him.
Y’all this is hilarious I’m crying
@emilreloaded
You’ve got mail
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I keep going back to this video
Character development
no. you know what? fuck you. *uncaramelizes your onions*