otter

dont piss me off. next time you go on a trip im filling your house with galapagos finches. by the time you return, they've evolved to fill your niche. they're a better spouse to your partner. they're a better parent for your child. and? they're a better friend to me than you ever were.

breaking bad would be a better show if walter white had no friction n like jesse just pushes him n he just slides around

Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

Daddy has five days left to live

I spent all of Easter with my Cock buried to the hilt in my Kermit Plushie's tender hole... now I awaken to news of the Pope's death. Coincidence...?

squeezing my pussy and concentrating all the microplastics in my body to print a perfect tiny figurine of a fruit bat

don't ever look up what your childhood friends are up to now!!!!!!!!!! like girl you're a nuclear safety engineer. i put on matching socks today. we played tag a thousand years ago.

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"