"Scrooge learns the true meaning of Bisexual Awareness Week" Make Some Noise Season 3 Episode 11
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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occasionally subtle
$LAYYYTER
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oozey mess

almost home
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@astrologicallynamedpets
"Scrooge learns the true meaning of Bisexual Awareness Week" Make Some Noise Season 3 Episode 11

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The crazy thing is, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, if you asked me on any given day "Would like to see a picture of some genitals?" my answer would be "đ° No, that's... No, thank you. I'm okay, actually." I have nothing but the utmost respect for people who do engage with the penis side of the internet, but personally, I've spent the better part of two decades doing all I can NOT to have pictures of dick and balls or sexy bikini babe buttcheeks blasted onto my retinas constantly. And yet... to be denied the penis? To have a jumped up pile of javascript tell me, a grown adult with an air fryer and an outstanding council tax bill, that I cannot be trusted to withstand the sight of a bare nipple unless I let it scan my drivers' license? I will move heaven and earth to see that fucking nipple, friend. I will walk a thousand miles barefoot on hot coals before I give you big brother bitches my passport number. A thousand miles through the desert with five VPNs just to press my face up against the glass and see the last uncensored picture of two My Little Pony Characters sixty-nining each other, and I don't even want! to look at it! But I will! I must! for the sake of our fucking democracy!
I live in a place with hantavirus (and plague!), I dated someone who lost a parent to it, and I need everyone to CTFO about it.
1. There are multiple strains, which have been around forever. We know this virus and thus can make more accurate predictions about it.
2. Yes ONE of the strains can be transmitted via SUSTAINED person to person contact. This is not the same as COVID.
3. French sources *misreported* that they had a case. They DO NOT have a case. They have a person they are monitoring and I cannot currently (5/7/26) find a source confirming infection.
4. Yes, other people have gotten hantavirus, including Gene Hackmanâs wife who died from it last year. Because they lived in New Mexico, a place with the highest case rate of hantavirus infections in the US. People get hantavirus and have been, you simply havenât heard about it before and now youâre paying attention.
One of the smartest parenting decisions I made was teaching my kids to ask for things by saying âwhen you have time / a moment.â
It feels less like a demand and far more considerate.
They donât do it all the time obvs but if they remember a fraction of the time itâs a huge relief for my overwhelm!

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Aging is dumb
I went to ONE (1) workout class a week ago and my knee hasnât worked right since. The back of my knee hurts, it stiffens up when Iâm still for too long, itâs randomly unsteady, and occasionally some muscle in the greater knee complex spasms in pain. I know I probably need to see a doctor but my mom has had each knee replaced in the last year and one of âem still doesnât sit right so Iâm convinced this is the start of many problems even though it probably isnât. This is bullshit, guys.
I love baby foxes. Nothing has ever had less of an idea.
buffering
feather obtained, purpose unclear
leaf obtained, purpose unclear
ground:
unclear
sibling obtained, purpose: biting
I have three monitors on my desk. The left one shows the order book. The middle one shows Truth Social. The right one shows the investigation queue.
On April 21st, the left screen moved first.
I am a Senior Surveillance Analyst at a commodities exchange. I have held this position for nineteen years. My job is to monitor trading activity for suspicious patterns and generate compliance reports. I am employee of the quarter. I have a mug.
At 19:54 GMT on April 21st, someone placed 4,260 sell orders on Brent crude futures. They did this during post-settlement. The window after the market closes when daily volume is typically in the dozens. Sometimes single digits. Sometimes I watch the screen and nothing happens for forty minutes and I think about whether my daughter is happy.
On April 21st, someone placed $430 million in directional bets in 120 seconds during that window. One hundred and twenty seconds. I timed it on my watch because the system clock rounds to the nearest minute and I have found, in nineteen years, that precision matters to no one but me.
At 20:10 GMT, the President posted on Truth Social that he was extending the Iran ceasefire.
Brent dropped from $100.91 to $96.83.
I flagged the trade. I flag a lot of trades. I want to tell you what happens to my flags.
My flags go into a system called TRACE. Trade Review and Compliance Evaluation. I did not name it. The system generates a report. The report goes to a committee. The committee has a name I am not allowed to share but I can tell you it meets quarterly and the conference room has a credenza with bottled water that is sparkling because someone once put still water in the room and a managing director sent an email about it that was longer than most of my surveillance reports.
The committee reviews my flags. The committee has reviewed all of my flags. Here is the complete record of actions taken on my flags in 2026:
Reviewed.
That's it. "Reviewed" is a status. In compliance, a status is the absence of an action that has been given a name so it looks like one.
Let me show you my flags.
March 9th. Someone bet millions on oil falling at 18:29 GMT. Forty-seven minutes later, a CBS reporter posted that the President said the Iran war was "very complete, pretty much." Oil dropped 25%. Forty-seven minutes. I flagged it.
March 23rd. Someone sold 5,100 lots of Brent and WTI crude futures between 10:49 and 10:50 GMT. Fourteen minutes later, the President posted on Truth Social about a "COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION" to hostilities. Oil dropped 11%. Over 13,000 contracts traded in sixty seconds after the post. Fourteen minutes. I flagged it.
April 7th. Someone established a $950 million short position in oil futures at 19:45 GMT. Three hours later, the President declared a two-week ceasefire. Nine hundred and fifty million dollars. I flagged it.
April 17th. Someone placed $760 million in bearish bets twenty minutes before Iran's foreign minister confirmed the Strait of Hormuz would reopen. Seven hundred and sixty million. I flagged it.
April 21st. The $430 million. Fifteen minutes. I flagged it.
That is $2.1 billion in directional oil bets in April alone. Every one of them landed on the correct side of a presidential announcement. Every one of them was placed in a window so narrow you could measure it in bathroom breaks. I flagged every single one.
The CFTC chair told a Congressional committee that his organization has "zero tolerance" for fraud and insider trading. I wrote that quote on a Post-it note and stuck it to my right monitor. The one that shows the investigation queue. The investigation queue has not moved since March.
Zero tolerance. Zero staff. Zero budget. Zero prosecutions under the STOCK Act since it was signed in 2012.
Fourteen years. The law has existed for fourteen years and has been enforced zero times. In compliance, we call that a compliance rate of one hundred percent. No cases filed means no cases lost. You cannot fail an audit you never conduct. We call that excellence.
Last month the White House sent an internal email to staff. I was not on the distribution list but I have read reporting on it and I need you to sit with what I am about to say. The email instructed White House staff not to use insider information to place bets on prediction markets.
The White House had to send a memo telling its own employees not to insider-trade.
I want you to read that sentence again. Not because the instruction was unclear. Because the instruction was necessary. Because someone in the building looked at the same pattern I have been flagging for months on my three monitors and decided the appropriate response was an email.
The President's son sits on the advisory board of Kalshi. He is an investor in Polymarket. Both are prediction markets. Both saw accounts created days before U.S. military action.
One account. I cannot stop thinking about this account. It was called "Burdensome-Mix." It was created in December. On January 2nd, it placed $32,500 on Venezuela's president being removed from power. On January 3rd, Maduro was seized by U.S. special forces. Burdensome-Mix collected $436,000. Then it changed its username. Then it disappeared.
One account is a coincidence. But there were six.
Six accounts were created on Polymarket in February. All bet on U.S. strikes on Iran by the 28th. When the President confirmed the strikes, the six accounts collected $1.2 million between them. Five of the six never placed another bet. The sixth went on to correctly predict the ceasefire date and made another $163,000.
My surveillance system logged all of this. My system logs everything. My system does not have opinions and neither do I. I generate reports. The reports go to committees. The committees meet quarterly. Between meetings, the windows get shorter and the bets get larger.
March 9th: 47 minutes. March 23rd: 14 minutes. April 17th: 20 minutes. April 21st: 15 minutes.
The window is compressing. In March, you had time to make coffee between the trade and the announcement. By April, you had time to send a text. By summer, at this rate, the trade and the announcement will be the same event.
The spokesman said any implication that administration officials are engaged in insider trading is "baseless and irresponsible reporting."
Then the White House sent the email again.
I have been in compliance for nineteen years. I have seen insider trading run out of strip mall offices by men who could not spell "derivative." I have seen pump-and-dump schemes coordinated over WhatsApp by people who used their real names. I have seen a man try to manipulate soybean futures from a Panera Bread.
I have never seen $2.1 billion in perfectly timed trades across five presidential announcements in a single month go uninvestigated.
But I have also never seen a compliance system work this beautifully. Every trade flagged. Every report filed. Every committee briefed. Every quarterly meeting attended. Bottled water: sparkling. Minutes: distributed.
Zero prosecutions.
As long as the flags go up and the cases don't, my performance review says I am meeting expectations.
I am meeting expectations. The system is meeting expectations. The $2.1 billion is meeting expectations. The fourteen-year-old law with zero prosecutions is meeting expectations.
The left screen moves. The middle screen moves. The right screen stays perfectly, immaculately still.
In my field, we call this price discovery.
BOTH of our working cars had problems this week, but after hearing about whatâs happening to yâall and folks IRL Iâm just gonna shut up and be grateful my problems are mechanical and fixable with money. ďżź
I use most of these. And quite often. I mean, why wouldnât you take every opportunity to use cattywampus? Itâs like conversational shenanigans.

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A joyous âItâs Gonna be Mayâ Eve to all who celebrate.
when you are just hanging out
"and the universe said i love you."
Anyone have tips for how to not be stressed by my kidâs meltdowns? She is SO perceptive that if I have even three molecules of stress in my body about the fact that she is crying and flailing then she cannot accept help from me and it feels like all I can do is remove myself as a source of additional stress. My spouse, trained therapist, is an acceptable form of help but not me and I hate it. She wants comfort from me after but during it just sucks.
Trippin
Iâm getting out of town for three days next week with my kiddos and I am excited but also nervous. I havenât traveled just me and both of them before for longer than a day trip which feels crazy.
Wife has traveled with them without me, and this time sheâs staying home by herself which NEVER happens (when I plan a day trip without her she ends up tagging along!). Iâm excited for her bc I know how nice it can be just to be home by yourself for a bit. And of course the 4 of us have traveled together - Mexico, Montana, California, etc.
I heard a terrible, probably made up statistic recently (or who knows, it wonât hold for these kids bc theyâll never be able to afford to leave home!): by the time your kid is 12 youâve spent 75% of the time youâll spend with them, and by 18, 90% of the time youâll spend with them is behind you. I donât want that to be true but also I want to appreciate them more - adolescence is headed for us like a freight train.
Anyway, weâre going to a little town known for being artsy that has some nature stuff nearby. We have a hotel with a pool. (My kids: is there a water park? No. Is there boba? Maybe. Is there a beach?! God babes I wish we had a beach a mere four hours away. Also this makes me think we gotta practice more lo-fi trips like this, do a little vacation related dopamine detox.)
Itâs gonna be fine, better than that probably, but I am nervous - what if we fight? What if I get so disregulated Iâm an asshole to them? This morning my brain was like youâre a woman traveling alone with her girl children youâre definitely supposed to, like, be afraid of⌠some bogeyman? Abduction? What if someone gets bit by a rattlesnake or stung by a scorpion?! Who even knows what. But Iâm a fairly confident traveler, I guess, so even with my brainâs attempts Iâm really not too concerned about that kind of stuff.
Weâre not even leaving our state, our state is just really huge and has cool stuff in every corner and we have GOT to start taking them there so theyâll appreciate it. Iâm turning into my parents. There will be ice cream and coffee and possibly boba and bookstores and at least ONE artsy gallery spot I will drag them to and little shops.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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My children answering a question: this is my normal voice
My children the second Iâm trying to hear them while other noises are happening: *quieter than a mouse fart*
My children when my spouse is trying to nap:
yes hello here I am *shriek*
Hey so I still see people utterly baffled by how religious fundies (still a majority in America and moreso its senate) react on certain issues so uhhh is it actually not common knowledge what the antichrist is all about? You guys know his defining characteristic is ending war, right? That heâs foretold to unite the world under his leadership by preaching global peace and solving basically every single problem in the world? So you know when you try to talk to these people about equality and togetherness they literally believe thatâs what makes you an agent of the devil right???
im sorry what. so. ok im assuming they think that this is all like. to gain trust and then take over or something? because.
Yes, heâs called the âantichristâ because heâs an imposter Jesus and the majority of the world will love him when he ends all class divides and erases all borders, creating one world government with him at the top. Thatâs the ânew world orderâ theyâre terrified of. But they think heâll oppress true Christian believers who see through his ruse, which is why theyâre constantly looking for signs that theyâre being discriminated against and panic when they lose any control over government. This is why they fear diversity, immigration, socialized anything. The less religious right are pretty clearly still running on the same logic; they might drop some of the spiritual lore but this is where they get the idea that all progressivism leads to the ârealâ fascism. Some believe the antichrist isnât a literal person either but just that entire set of beliefs, so everyone protesting against war and trying to feed the hungry is a *collective* antichrist.
So from the notes it turns out people are MUCH less familiar with all this than I suspected and thatâs honestly kind of alarming, guys, you should really really pay attention to things that affect so much of this country. No these are absolutely not obscure or fringe beliefs, these are MAINSTREAM with megachurches, Trump voters, the GOP and a vast proportion of the wealthy. Alex Jones and multiple Fox News hosts openly believe word for word what I described here.
And yeah as several people pointed out it isnât even explicitly in the bible, but something some radicals pieced together in maybe only the last century. My uncles all believe it to the letter and they all believe itâs what the Bible is âsupposedâ to be communicating.
A lot of people are also confused as to why they would believe the peace and unity are villainous things and what the difference even is then between the âantichristâ and actual Jesus, which brings me to another thing I realize some folks CRITICALLY overlook about American Christianity, which is that they do not believe in good or bad deeds. They believe the same deed can be right or wrong strictly according to whether or not itâs performed by a believer with Godâs stamp of approval. Like, they KNOW the Satanic Church and Witch Covens do community service or donate to cancer research and they are not confused, surprised, bitter or embarrassed by that at all. Itâs exactly what theyâre taught to expect. They believe the forces of Satan do primarily âgoodâ things so people will think heâs just as good or better than God. So if a pastor heals a sick child with a prayer then thatâs good, but if a âwitchâ heals the same sick child with âmagicâ (not something I believe exists, but they do) then thatâs a false miracle from the devil and the child was better off dying because now everyone involved is a sinner who deserves hell. Theyâre taught to view you as a ridiculous fool if you donât grasp this difference, and every single argument you might make is a part of the satanic trickery.
After all, they think our entire existence on this Earth is an insignificant speck in the grand scheme of things. The suffering in the world isnât a bug to them, but a feature that God set up to test everyoneâs worthiness, teach them lessons and filter out the faithless, so they actively do not believe itâs always morally right in itself to help people or save lives. Rather, certain people are just intended to suffer and die and it can be MORE wrong to help them.
Sorry to put this big ass thing on your dashboards again but Iâm downright awestruck by the notes. Thereâs 15,500 of them at the time of this reblog and almost zero disagreement, just hundreds of people expressing absolute terror that they didnât realize they were living under the thumb of a doomsday cult, and Iâm really really sorry for that because I really did not expect to be the bearer of that news to so many. If you havenât looked at the notes for yourself though, theyâre pretty eye opening even to me, especially the next most common type of response on it:
âŚ.And something Iâve heard before but still neglected to mention:
âŚ..so thatâs all pretty nightmarish confirmation of how pervasive this mindset is around here, but you know, if the majority of reactions to this information have been either âwhat the fuck are you talking about?â or âyeah I WAS taught this and Iâm better now,â maybe thatâs a sign that itâs slowly but consistently fading with every generation?
I actually wasnât raised religious AT ALL, and it was still impossible for me to not hear this shit constantly in the 80â˛s and 90â˛s from basically everyone outside my immediate family. Itâd even crop up on television and radio stations that werenât even supposed to be christian-oriented. Just boom, thereâs an evangelist suddenly talking about how Only God is Allowed to End War and Satan Takes the Form of Kindness, like these were just normal banal perspectives to toss in between a relationship advice segment and the latest movie reviews. Iâm really proud of every person saying they escaped from that indoctrination and actually feel much better and more hopeful about the whole thing. It might not be fixed completely in our lifetimes but clearly it is fixable.
Bringing back my most viral post because: