i um uh i uhh um uh

beautiful strangers named extreme cold warning are texting me to make plans on friday

"average person is a human/spider hybrid" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person is not a human/spider hybrid. Spiders Gregor, who awoke one morning from uneasy dreams and found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic spider, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

just had an extremely funny memory of being 9 years old and wondering if i was gay and then deciding i couldn't be because gay people were so rare that it was statistically improbable for me to be one

a while later i came to terms with it and instead of having a breakdown i just became insufferably smug about my perceived uniqueness. walking around like wow.... i must be the only gay person in this entire school, nay, this entire town

was trying to isolate the point at which i actually, verbally came out to my mother (not that i needed to, since she apparently had me pinned as a dyke from the age of 3), and i'm pretty certain it was at a Glee Live concert when i was 12, because i have a dim recollection of turning to her and asking "what would you say if i told you i was a lesbian?" and her replying "i'd tell you to shut up because the concert is about to start"

burgers are awesome. so are pussies. so you'd think something called the "borgussy" is something very good, but according to my friend Karl Marx such is not the case.

I'm starting to see flo ads on here so disclaimer if you're someone who menstruates and has the capacity to get pregnant do not download this app or other period tracker apps. Especially if you live in a red state. It has been reported before that Flo and other period tracker apps have given user data collected over to authorities in some cases of prosecuting people for abortions.

please make sure that wherever you’re at in life, you don’t treat it like a transitory period. don’t waste your college years wishing to already be graduated & have a job. don’t waste your single years wishing for someone to be in love with. if/when those things come, they will come in due time and they will be good. but there is nothing like looking back and feeling empty because you wasted literal years ignoring what you had because you were hoping for something better. while it’s important to better yourself and reach for your goals, don’t neglect the present because that’s where you are now and it’s your now that determines your future. 

huh. so i just found out "Torment Nexus" was invented for that one specific meme. i genuinely thought it was from an Orson Scott Welles novel. my ignorance is an unending source of surprise and delight

um. Orson Wells. H.G. Scott Welles. H. George Orson Orwell. Philip Bradbury. stop making me keep track of white men names

You're gonna laugh when you learn what the G in H.G. Wells stands for.