I Got A Temper Set For Tender

i actually did draft a bunch of abortion jokes but ultimately decided not to keep them

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

"but the text never explicitly stated it!!!" hey, so that's actually what they tried to teach you in those english classes you barely passed 😁

“It’s not that deep!” Yes! It is!

Male loneliness this, male loneliness that. Have they tried lobotomies? Tranquilizers? Being fingered by medical professionals? Tearing the yellow wallpaper off the walls of the attic room where your husband keeps you locked up?

snake pareidolia is one of the strongest things in human minds too! people report freezing mid-stride before being consciously aware of a snake in front of them, and the same happens with coiled rope, etc. in humans and other primates. it’s even been proposed that the need to detect snakes was a factor in the development of primates’ insanely good color eyesight

It’s because snakes are wonderful and we must stop and admire them at any cost

for christmas we're deleting the entire show. tally ho you teaboo shits

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

you literally cannot look at anything online anymore without the company hunting you down in an email or notification being like "you forgot to buy this. you left this in your cart btw. did you want anything else? something similar or entirely random and different? we have options but to see them you have come back and buy stuff thanks"

the final rule of being a sports fan is BELIEVE IN MIRACLES

The popularity of the "incompetent stupid piece of shit husband and competent wife who loves him anyways" trope in media is a psyop to make women believe its normal to settle for an incompetent stupid piece of shit husband

REGRET TO INFORM YOU YOUR SON HAS DIED FROM TRENCH FOOT LOL HE SERVED WITH COURAGE AND HONOR LOL PLEASE ACCEPT OUR DEEPEST CONDOLENCES LOL