Part of the Introverted World

then a woman knocked on the door and said "oh I'm so sorry he's a therapy dog he's trained to seek out people in severe distress"

have i gotten banned for it? no. have i gotten reblogged and harassed a billion times by kiwifarmers and TWERF stalker blogs? no. none of this has happened, because i am not transfem, and these exile campaigns are primarily targeted at those who are.

hell, if i wanted to i could probably start engaging in a lot of the same kinks they use to justify banning some of these blogs twice a day, and i can almost guarantee nothing would happen to me. they don’t care anywhere near as much about the fact that there are nazis on this site, school shooter glorifiers, sections of this website i have seen where people are actually, literally soliciting sex from minors- but those blogs don’t get stalkers or callout posts. staff and the stalkers care way more about a transfem having kinks, or talking about how even people you don’t like or who make you uncomfortable should still have access to basic needs and human rights.

i cannot stress this enough: WE ARE NOT THE PRIMARY TARGETS OF TRANSMISOGYNY. if you are tme and care at all about the way this site has grown increasingly hostile towards transfems, SPEAK UP. GET LOUD ABOUT THE BANNINGS. GET LOUD ABOUT THE STALKERS. GET LOUD ABOUT EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE OF A TRANSFEM BEING DOGPILED, HARASSED, OR HAVING THEIR LIVELIHOOD RUINED BY TRANSMISOGYNIST MOBS.

/20

like .. there is something over the river . there is something unspeakable over the river . when you recount it , you have to make it seem so small . it's just a body. the state the body is in can't be made out like this . you hide the details from yourself to forget how bad it really looked . you hide it in general - so insignificant you could miss it entirely ! it was just a body and The Something that killed it looming , and birds flying away .

and the world could be full of colour , but you can't see it that way any more . the grass is just grass . the trees are just trees . the fish in the river that's just a river are just fish , and that's just a body .

Also SPOILERS for anyone who wants the solution to the eye-spy:

TW blood and car accidents, minimal detail for everyone's sanity.

When I was young, I saw and was part of a lot of violence. The details and the vividness of some parts haunted me, and the rest of it felt just like this photo.

Later, I would experience less traumatic but still horrible things. This story is about a car accident. We heard, but didn't see, the crash. A medical professional was there instantly to help, and everyone was okay and walked away (went to the hospital to be checked on, but nobody was dying or panicked by the end of it). Obviously it was a bad situation, but it ended about as well as it could have for what it was.

The person who helped (I was not physically able to get to the accident) came back to us, and I met him partway - everyone else was hanging back and afraid to get too close. When I turned the corner and saw him, I smiled and thanked him. He sort-of-smiled back, looking oddly worn down, stressed, and disturbed (when I thought, shouldn't he feel proud of himself for helping, pleased that everyone is okay, and relieved to be done?).

I could tell my visual tracking was odd - I saw my surroundings, and I saw him, mostly, but pieces were missing in a way I understood but could not, in that moment, explain. Of course there are times when I'm not fully taking in what I'm seeing - that's very normal. But this felt different. I knew I wasn't seeing something, I was trying to see what I was missing... and I couldn't do it. I had never been so aware of my brain knowing something I didn't, in the moment, and keeping the rest of me from knowing it too.

He passed me. When the others saw him, they all gasped and looked away from him, which was my third clue that something was very wrong. I didn't know what they were looking away from. He left, and went home without saying anything to anyone else. So, I went up to the people who gasped and looked away from him, and asked them what was up.

Apparently, he was covered in blood.

I still remember the whole scene - his face, one of his legs, one of his hands, some of his bright blue scrubs that he had changed into thr second he heard the commotion. All completely free of blood. His surroundings - the grey pavement, the bright green bushes, the brick wall on one side, the saturated wood on the other, in full color. I remember the way he walked, the way his face twisted when he thought nobody was looking. I remember when he saw me, when he reacted to my smile. I remember watching him walk away. But, some parts of his body - nothing. Empty blobs. Surely he was there; of course the rest of him was there. And yet, nothing.

When I learned about the various forms of "complete" blindness, I learned that there are many ways to "see nothing." Some people see black, color, white, grey. Some people see "true nothing" - often people who were born without any sight, who never gain any. I had wondered for a long time what it meant to experience a "true" lack of sight that was so complete that color nor its absence could not describe your experience, because nothing is there to describe. I thought it wasn't possible for me to experience - and to be fair, I'd still say that. But, looking back, I'm surprised at how close I had gotten that day. What I saw was not grey, or white, or black, or filled in colors. What I saw was not my brain filling in gaps. What I saw between his hand and his collarbone, between the floor and his left knee, on the ground after he walked by, were big spots of nothing in the middle of everything.