Magic!

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

santa deniers on science-mas eve hearing charles darwin evolving down the chimney

wheres seasons greasons

its that time of year again

It doesn’t have to be

its not optional

*notices my ice cream has more sprinkles than yours* how's it feel to be a sprinklet? idiot. dumbass *trips and drops my ice cream* can i have a lick of yours if you say no i'll cry

does anyone else think this post is kind of bad ass, and that the girl who trips over is probably awesome and has huge boobs?

women who aren’t even 30 yet

leonardo dicaprio type of post

We’re all having a midlife crisis leave us be

people who learned about greek mythology due reasons that DONT involve having read percy jackson at 12 freak me out, like what the FUCK was going on in your life that you found out that zeus turned into a pigeon to woo his wife like HOW

i went to greek school. next question.