in this house we love and support

But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".

And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!

My mom has an incredibly full life. She’s got lots of friends of all ages, fulfilling hobbies, and a shitty little dog that she loves to pieces. I never worry about her being bored and lonely.

She has this neighbor in her apartment building. They help each other out the way couples do with tasks like grocery shopping, attending family events together, and they co parent the shitty little dog, but she swears up and down that there’s nothing romantic between them. They help each other with medication, hospital visits, and navigating the scary changes of getting old together. She and my grandpa used to argue about her getting remarried to this neighbor bc he didn’t want her to be “lonely”. My mom insisted that she’s not lonely and the relationship was not romantic. There’s love and companionship, but it’s “not like that”.

Back when I started to show interest in dating as a teen my mom was so confused. “You actually want to go on dates? My mom used to force me to date and I hated it.” When I came out as gay as an adult she was like “That’s cool. I still don’t get why you wanna date people.”

My dad once told me a story about how early in their marriage, my mom once accidentally “dated” a different man without realizing that he was taking her out on dates. From her perspective she just was having fun outings with a friend. When the guy “came clean” and told my dad “I’m dating your wife” he just laughed because my mom had been excitedly telling him all about their “dates”. She missed every single clue that this guy had been laying down for her that he was interested. “He invited me to have breakfast on his boat! I’m so excited for the birdwatching that time of day!” (My mom also might be a little autistic but that’s neither here nor there). She just is not a romantically inclined thinker.

I love my mom very much and I’m so lucky to have her as a role model. She’s taught me that happiness is extremely versatile. You don’t have to follow a traditional set route for a complete life with meaningful relationships. Romance is a social construct as much as anything, and you are free to engage with it on your own terms. Don’t be afraid to live and love the way you want to. Your life will be fuller and happier for it.

New Coraline design drop

I flux a lot between romance-favorable and romance-repulsed, so I’m not sure if I’m the kind of aro you’re looking for, but I do typically lean towards the romance-favorable side. I love love - I love shipping and romance and all that romantic love and dedication and affection. And I definitely have moments of wishing I was alloromantic - wishing I could feel those romantic butterflies and infatuation, to finally Understand and be able to gossip to my allo friends about how cute so-and-so is. And sometimes, I want a romantic relationship, whether as an alloromantic or an aromantic. A person who loves me (in any way) and respects my boundaries and would be willing to cuddle or kiss when we want to and respect each other when we don’t. I love all the songs I’ve found through @aggressivelyarospec’s aro tunes playlist that sound like aros in relationships. Like “i’m incapable of love, but I’ll give you the next best thing” from Twixter by Make Out Monday. I even put these songs together in my own Cupioromantic / Romance Favorable playlist!

I’ve seen so many aros adorably fawn over their queerplatonic or romantic partners. As well as cupioromantics and romance-favorable aromantics who dream of being in relationships. And countless aros who ship characters romantically and read or write romantic fanfiction.

We’re definitely out there. Unfortunetly there’s not really any set tags we use, so all these posts just get lost in the general aromantic tags.

I try to reblog and tag them as best I can on my sideblog. Maybe scrolling through my cupioromantic and romance favorable tags will help you out. Here on my main, I typically tag those romantic aromantic posts I relate to as #aegoromantic since that’s the microlabel I personally use.