Proudly Aro

Here's some Pride art I made back in 2018; I still think it's one of my best:

But --

After learning about the wide range ace spectra, and reexamining my memories, I suspect my mother was demiromantic, and my father was demisexual, which is also counter to gender and sexuality stereotypes (which is why I will always stand up for ace guys).

And they were my primary models for what a "normal heterosexual" relationship looks like.

I originally submitted it to r/lgballt, but it got rejected for violating the style guidelines (I used a circle tool, and copy-pasted). I put my Ace character beside the Disability Pride Flag, rather than coloring my character like the flag, because my disability and orientation influence each other, while still being distinct)

Quick reminder since apparently it bears reminding in both directions: if bigoted people, closed-minded people overall, or your own internalized insecurities misinterpret a queer person’s message in a way that hurts/endangers you, yeah, it sucks, but it’s not the fault of the queer person in question, nor should it be a reason for them to silence themselves. They’re probably as hurt/pissed as you are that someone misinterpreted and misused their message to do harm.

Of course sadly there’ll still be queer people that actually DO mean harm and dismissal to other queer people – I ain’t speaking for those and it’s not the best way to ensure their and others’ wellbeing imo. I’m just saying – not all people will be like that. That’s what I want to believe. So hopefully let’s not put everyone in the same bag, keep supporting each other, WHILE allowing each other to advocate for our own visibility, without having to self-erase or self-censor to accomodate to what haters might say.

All of those things can have a major impact on your political outlooks, social outlooks, and simply the way you view the world. I've said before that even if I did experience romantic attraction some day I would still identify as aro because being aromantic has shifted my view of what relationships even are to such a degree that like... romantic relationships barely make sense as a category to apply to myself anymore.

Everyone I know who identified as aro or questioned if they were aro before experiencing attraction and identifying as allo has ended up poly for what I suspect is this exact reason. Polyamory is one of the only relationship models out there currently that allows for romantic relationships outside of the typical amatonormative model and once you've done some work dismantling how society views relationships slotting right back into traditional monogamy doesn't have a lot of appeal.

first image: text saying “we don’t talk enough about aromantics. so let’s talk about–

second image: text saying “aros who don’t want relationships.”

third image: text saying “aros who are polyamorous.” there is a drawing of a person holding hands with two people.

fourth image: text saying “aros who are not ace.”

fifth image: text saying “aros who do want a relationship.” there is a drawing of two people holding hands. one person says “hey i really like you platonically, wanna date?” the other person replies “yeah!”

sixth image: text saying “and those in qpr.” qpr stands for queerplatonic relationship. there is a drawing of two people, with one person’s arm around the other.

seventh image: text saying “aros who are romance repulsed.” there is a drawing of a person with their arms crossed saying “nope.”

eighth image: text saying “aros with lesser known identities.” there is a drawing of six flags: quioromantic, demiromantic, greyromantic, aroflux, akoiromantic, recipromantic.

ninth image: text saying “aros who are also ace.”

tenth image: text saying “aros who enjoy romance.” there is a drawing of a person sitting in a wheelchair. they are reading a book with a heart on the cover.

eleventh image: text saying “you are not broken.”

twelfth image: text saying “you are not heartless.”

thirteenth image: text saying “you are amazing and strong.”

fourteenth image: text on a plain flag saying “you deserve to be proud.”

fifteenth image: text saying “and celebrate who you are.”

sixteenth image: text saying “happy pride!” under the text is a drawing of a heart with the aromantic flag on it.

you don’t owe someone a relationship no matter how kind they, are or how much they like you

you aren’t broken or missing any pieces

there are so many beautiful types of love in the world; the way you love is just important as anyone else’s

I’m cis because I’m afab and still identify as a woman. If I was afab and identified any other way, I’d be trans. I’m intersex because my body itself has a mixed bag of secondary sex characteristics and hormones.

The label “intersex” itself isn’t a gender identity as much as it’s a way for people with mixed or ambiguous sex characteristics to define that experience. There are cis men and women who are intersex, trans people of every kind as well. I’m sure there are intersex people who just identify as intersex entirely but most intersex people I’ve met still identify as male, female, or nonbinary. Because your body doesn’t determine your gender identity.

Inktober - Day 13 - Deep

I feel like it is important to recognize that even though we are a community with a lot of shared experiences, we must remember that there’s not just one “Aro Experience”; there are numerous aro experiences corresponding to numerous individuals with multi-faceted identities.  While we are unified by what makes us similar, we should also acknowledge what makes us different and include the variety of our experiences in community discussions.

There are asexual aromantics, and while aroaces are a large part of our community their experiences are not universal

There are allosexual aromantics, and being allosexual does NOT make them any less aro

There are amorous aros, who very much want to have a QPR

There are nonamorous aros, who don’t want a QPR at all

There are aros who experience strong platonic attraction in the form of squishes

There are aros who are aplatonic and have never had a squish

There are aros who’ve never dated anyone

There are aros who HAVE been in romantic relationships

There are aros who are 100% confident in their identity

There are aros who are still figuring stuff out

There are aros who are super romance repulsed

There are aros who enjoy a lot of “romantic” things

There are aros who are arospec and they ARE part of our community

There are aros who weren’t always aro because sometimes people change and that is perfectly okay

There are aros who love being aro and are relieved by it

There are aros who hate being aro and kinda wish they weren’t

And there are so many other aspects to aro identities, including gender, age, race, disability, mental illness, and so many other factors.  

Most importantly, ALL of these experiences are valid and important and 100% a part of our community!