Trapped In Middle America

“Russians do not do this,” Ilya said while drinking vodka in a way Shane found unfairly sexy because everything Ilya does is super super hot. Everyone is jealous of him for his super hot and sexy boyfriend who has lots of sex and can make him come ten times a minute with his meter long dick. Or they would be if Shane could stop being such a selfish, manipulative asshole who put Ilya in a cage by making him fall in love with him. He’s just like Yuna that way. Except instead of brand deals he trained all his focus on Ilya Rozanov. Oh well, this was a problem for later he had to go to play hockey now.

Shane got to the rink and all of his teammates were being homophobic except for Hadyn Pike, who knew about Ilya but hated his guts because Ilya keeps making jokes about him being bad at hockey. But it’s ok, because white men aren’t accountable for their actions.

During the game Shane got bulldozed three times, and scored one million’s goals all on his own. The Stanley cup was his for sure. Not Scott Hunter the Dinosaurs who was over a hundred years old. It had to be some kind of hate crime that they still let him out of the nursing home. Kip can do better.

Shane then went home after having an anxiety attack on live television, and had sex with his super hot domineering boyfriend five times in one night. If only he was also the best hockey player in the NHL, and not just the second best.

“Moy solnyshko,” Ilya said, “Let’s go to the barbecue at Zane Boodram’s house and you can learn to overcome your eating disorder.”