things my boyfriend has done
- urgently marched into A&E and saidΒ βweβre having knee pain!!β to the confused receptionist. i had to explain that it was onlyΒ my knee and that he was just worried
- when asked to tag me in a meme ofΒ βwhat water are you?β, saidΒ βyou are the ocean: home to all friendsβ
- loved βfilthy gorgeousβ and, rather than learning the words, learnedΒ βall three parts in the song where they ring a triangleβ
- after we had an argument about him notΒ βgettingβ my ADHD, i caught him halfway through a three hour playlist of lectures on ADHD, with a pen in hand, taking notes
- he suffered a TBI last summer and he did not like the orienting questions they ask (βwhat year is it? what day is it?β etc). when askedΒ βdo you know where you are?β, he cracked one eye open and angrily saidΒ βin bed!β
- he played knack 2 and hated it. when i asked why he was still playing it, he saidΒ βso i never have to play it againβ. he got every achievement and as soon as he got the last one he stood up, ejected the disc and returned it to the store
- lately heβs given up on making lunch so he just drinks huel which is a meal replacement shake, except huel is kind of boring so he sometimes puts nesquick strawberry powder in there
- my favourite drink is pepsi max. when asked about his dreams for the future, they often involveΒ βbeing rich enough to find a way to pump pepsi max directly into our houseβ
- one time in our first year of dating i hadnβt seen him in weeks, whereas we normally saw each other all day every day, so i was gonna go stay with him for a couple days. he had a temporary job (iβm talking 2 weeks total) at the time and i was bummed that i was gonna be alone at his for a bit, but w/e. he was texting me likeΒ βwork is going okay, in the line for the canteen right nowβ while i got on the bus. i found the key where he said it was, i found a note on the table likeΒ βhi love! the wifi code is [password], Iβll be back at 5!β, and then I went into the lounge and he was there. he was lying on a fold-out bed with Marvin Gaye playing. the TV was on a powerpoint slide that saidΒ βWelcome, Jess. I quit my job.β he was entirely naked except for a cushion with the letterΒ βDβ over his crotch. im 95% sure there were candles
- we play the game Rimworld, where you micromanage a colony of people on an alien planet. he uses it entirely to simulate a peaceful colony, mostly of women, who have a large number of animals they care for and train. one time he got this random event where all the women in the colony got a psychic mood boost and he was likeΒ βhonestly thatβs my life goalβ
- when he was in hospital and his cognitive functions were slowly coming back, he looked up from twitter with horror and saidΒ βjessβ¦ is the american president a racist?β
- we were playing Articulate, which is a game where you have to describe a word without saying the word itself. His partner saidΒ βwhen youβre beginning sex, you areβ¦β. he, without a second of hesitation, yelledΒ βFOREPLAYβ. the answer was actually βinitiatingβ, but my ego grew like fourteen times
- one time he asked me what guacamole was, and i told him, and he saidΒ βif itβs made up of things that already have names why does it have a different name?β i have not let him live this down yet
- i used to have an eating disorder, and whilst iβm good 99.9% of the time now i occasionally do have wobbles. one time iβd eaten some mini-donuts and i told himΒ βi kind of want to check the calories on thoseβ¦β, so he immediately pulled the label off and ate it
- i lost him for like twenty minutes at a uni event, and when i found him he presented me with a pepsi max badge and saidΒ βi rode this mechanical bull to try and win you a yearβs supply but i fell off pretty quickly. sorry.β
- we won theΒ βbest coupleβ award in our year at uni, but neither of us were there to collect it because i was ill and he left halfway through to come home and take care of me
- one time he wasnβt paying attention while making lunch and he cracked an egg directly into the bin. the look of confusion on his face was priceless.
- on the rare occasions when i wake up before him, when i kiss him/ touch him he makes these little likeβ¦ activation sounds? you know like when you touch a cat? itβs like those