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my evil superpower is that i am really, really good at the fine-tuning of emotional manipulation for ads which i only use for fb marketplace but if i had less of a moral compass i could make bank in advertisement
i didn't actually buy this i inherited it from my roommate who bought it and gave it to me to make some money off of. but that's not a good enough story. the facts are right but we need a more relatable framework, we need to be trendy, we need an adhd mention. adhd mention stocks are way up with brooklyn libs who would buy an espresso machine. clear, clean picture with a plant for the algorithm, which favors aesthetically pleasing pictures. if you get this espresso machine, your mornings will be green and bright. pets work too but use judiciously, you don't want to gross out non-animal people. then you hit them with the challenge that doubles as a disclaimer in case they are unhappy with their purchase: if you buy this espresso maker, you can be a sophisticated person who can handle a delicate machine, unlike me, who is not sophisticated, who is not a coffee connoisseur, like you are, reader. so now that i have lightly self-deprecated which has gotten you into an open, receptive mood, you go in for the kill: a call to action that's a little bit pathetic. sold in 2 days
People will be like “this movie is evil and gross because it depicts a predatory relationship” and then you watch the movie in question and it’s about how preying on young women is bad and impacts their lives negatively
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"i don't want to be a burden" you're worth carrying. i don't care if you'd be worth it to you; you're worth it to me. i smile every time i think of you. and buddy you're just gonna have to figure out how to cope w that <3
#While this is a joke#For the etymologists out there#Tumblr did not “goncharov” poob#translation: Tumblr is not making a fictitious thing called poob that we insist is real#Poob is glup shittoing (streaming services)#Translation: Poob is now a generic name for whatever streaming platform is out there when you don't feel like naming something specifically
im incredibly conflicted by the phrase ‘the question is not who will let me but who will stop me’ because on one hand its so fucking raw and powerful but on the other hand it’s derived from ayn rand but on yet another hand the first and primary time ive ever seen it was on a picture of a lawnmower flying through the sky which is the perfect level of absurd and nonsensical that would piss ayn rand off
Are you from the 16th century? Are you a whaler? Are you a Basque whaler? Yeah, me neither. But would you like to look like one?
Saw this post. Thought, I want that hat. Made it. Wrote the pattern. Bon appetit.
PATTERN ↓
From 1530 until the early 1600s, Basque whalers annually crossed the Atlantic Ocean to Canada. During the ice-free months of June to January, scores of workers established a semi-permanent station dedicated to processing the harvest on the shore of the Strait of Belle Isle, a narrow channel on the whales' migratory route between Newfoundland and the mainland of Labrador.
In the winter of 1577, the sea ice set early, trapping ships. Unable to return to their homeland in northern Spain and southern France with a full hold of processed whale oil, many were forced to stay in Labrador, where they died of exposure and scurvy.
In the 1970s, the site was rediscovered. More than 62 graves and the remains of 140 whalers were found in the cemetery. Some of the graves contained textile fragments.
(Piecework Magazine, Jan/Feb 2014)
NOTES I am still a beginner knitter. I started this hat without a plan, I just looked at the pictures and tried to make something that looked kind of similar. Used a ball of mystery yarn from my nan. And it turned out great! And then I blocked it. And it was too big (the guy who never knits swatches finally got bit in the arse, who would've thought). My tension is okay-ish but on the tighter side, so if your head is bigger than mine, you'll be grand. Also, I've never written a pattern before, so I hope it makes some sense.
YOU WILL NEED
≈ 80g of DK weight yarn
A set of 4mm (US 6) double-pointed needless
Darning needle
A piece of cardboard (or something else to wrap the yarn around to make a tassel)
Scissors
SIZE ↕ 31cm (12”) (without the tassel) and ↔ 25cm (9.5”) (my head is 55cm (21.5”), and it fits quite well, but it could stretch a bit more and still look good)
DIRECTIONS
SEED STITCH STRIPES
Cast on 84 stitches and join in the round
Work in seed stitch for 11 rounds (round 1: *K1, P1*; staring with round 2 you just P the knits and K the purls)
Purl 1 round
Knit 8 rounds
Purl 1 round
Work in seed stitch for 7 rounds
Purl 1 round
Continue in stocking stitch (*K*) until the hat measures 11-12cm (4.5”) from cast on edge
CROWN DECREASES AND PURL STRIPES
(It's a lot, I know. But I like the look of these better than the usual crown decreases, they're a bit less visible)
Dec#1: K5, *K2tog, K10* × 6, K2tog, K5 [77]
Knit 4 rounds
Dec #2: K5, *K2tog, K9* × 6, K2tog, K4 [70]
Knit 3 rounds
Dec #3: K4, *K2tog, K8* × 6, K2tog, K4 [63]
Knit 3 rounds
Dec #4: K4, *K2tog, K7* × 6, K2tog, K3 [56]
Purl 1 round
Knit 1 round
Dec #5: K3, *K2tog, K6* × 6, K2tog, K3 [49]
Knit 1 round
Dec #6: K3, *K2tog, K5* × 6, K2tog, K2 [42]
Purl 1 round
THE CONE (idk what to call it)
Knit 2 rounds
Work 5 rounds of *K1tbl, P1* rib (you don't have to twist the knits if you can make the 1×1 rib look neat. I can't, so…)
Continue in stocking stitch for 7-8cm (3”) (or more, depending on how floppy you want your hat to be)
Dec #1: K3, *K2tog, K5* × 5, K2tog, K2 [36]
Knit 3 rounds
Dec #2: K2, *K2tog, K4* × 5, K2tog, K2 [30]
Knit 2 rounds
Dec #3: K3, *K2tog, K3* × 5, K2tog, K1 [24]
Knit 2 rounds
Dec #4: K1, *K2tog, K2* × 5, K2tog, K1 [18]
Knit 1 round
Dec #5: *K2tog* [9]
Cut yarn and thread it through the remaining 9 stitches, pull tightly (I usually do it twice), secure on the wrong side
TASSEL
Make a tassel (I used a paint brush case instead of a piece of cardboard and wrapped yarn around it 45 times)
Attach it to the hat
FINISHING
Weave in all ends
Block the hat
CONGRATULATIONS
You can go whaling reread Moby-Dick and rewatch The North Water in style!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Sometimes we’re unsatisfied with a thing we made because when it only existed in our head, we saw all the things it could have been and when it’s done we know all the things that it isn’t, but we can’t see the way it expands into a million new things when someone else unpacks it in their head.
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