apocalypselog

I used to be a big genshin impact lore buff, i played, i read, i was on forums, i made fanart, and then i was deeply disrespected by the game itself (this post is about natlan)

I am brazilian and i follow a religion named candomblé. Long story short, its from yoruba people who were sent to brazil as slaves, then went through a big process of spreading out to not just black people, but light-skinned people of lower classes like my family. We believe in the creation by Olorum, the power of Axé, and the Orixás.

Natlan, as of now, has two characters named Iansan and Ororon. These names come from not just the yoruba predecessors of candomblé, but also the religion itself, the Orixá deities Iansã and Olorum.

My religion, my deities. My mother's deities. The statuettes in my house. Their names are recycled cheaply to be used trivially. Never have we of candomblé ever gotten mentioned by AAA games or films that give such attention to detail like Genshin does, and we are disrespected. Our Gods are used like rags for someone's profit to be thrown away, washed out. They do not convey our beauty, our grit, our wonder, they do not convey us but they profit from us.

People love to tell us that it is just a game, but think again: games are not entitled to disrespect us just because of their nature. We are entitled to complain, to scream, because this is cruelty. You brutalize our image, butcher our names, for what?

When I was younger, I used to look at games with religious imagery very curiously. It was always weird to see the faith of the people I know be used for aesthetic reasons or just because it looks cool. The same has now happened to me, but times worse. People will say anything to justify this mockery and throw excuses to keep playing the product of a corporation that won't ever understand what it means to be us.

This year, it was my goal to become a SFWA qualifying author by focusing on publishing my short fiction. I wrote about 20k words of short stories over winter break '21, and I spent the rest of the new year editing and submitting those stories. Since then, I’ve sent over 100 submissions, and I’ve received 77 rejections and 7 acceptances. Of those acceptances, 4 are in SFWA professional magazines (at least, before they changed their qualifying guidelines) and 1 is in an HWA professional magazine.

Needless to say, short story publication occupies a FAR GREATER portion of my brain than it has any right to. Below are some rambling thoughts I have about the process behind short story publication.

did not eat

new hyperfixation and no time for it

have not done a creative in 24 hrs

Bad Sounds

clothes are touching my body

cold

people

one (1) comment is stuck in my brain like a popcorn kernel

last time I drank water was ??????

nervous nervous nervous nervous

got a Slightly Worse grade than expected

last hug was ??????

slept a full 45 minutes

lonely ............

guts are shredding (again)

have not seen sunlight in 24 hrs

stuck inside

too much screen time

Yay Overwhelm

room is disaster area

have not talked to Person in a while

bored

imposter phenomenon (again)

no current routine

how long have I been working???

Too Much Socialization

and then. and THEN. I may consider:

Kinda depends on your definition, but I never had any specialized art education in school and it wasn't what I specialized in studying. I had some core art classes in middle and high school, one of which was even good, but it was the fairly standard stuff that everybody went through.

That said, my mom is an incredibly skilled artist who DID get formal training at the SAIC, and I got basically all of my foundational art skills from her. She's a painter and illustrator (who I have been slowly persuading to do more things online), so we work in very different mediums, but her understanding of color and composition and the core muscle memory of life-drawing and scientific illustration are skills that transfer from physical to digital very easily. She's truly astonishing, and easily ten times the artist I am - the parts of art I find frustrating and time-consuming are the things she enjoys getting lost in.

tl has been discussing poc in alternative scenes specifically punk scenes recently. punk has been a big spintrest for me for a while so id thought id share some bands with poc members that deserve love!!

im more into hxc punk so most of these bands will be hxc subgenres. i will be adding genre’s and country of orgin!! not adding any links for now, look out for any edits.

hong kong fuck you , grindviolence from tijuana, mexico. a project of christian hell, has latino and black members

zulu , powerviolence from los angeles, california, usa. originally a solo project of anaiah lei, all members are black

zyanose , noisy hardcore punk from osaka prefecture, japan. all members are japanese

g.i.s.m. , hardcore punk / heavy metal band from tokyo, japan. all members are japanese

limp wrist , queer hardcore punk from albany, new york, usa. martin sorrondeguy is latino (also apart of los crudos)

los crudos , hardcore punk band from chicago, illinois, usa. all members are latino

despise you , powerviolence band from californa, usa. some if not all members are latino

bad brains , hardcore punk band from washington, d.c, usa. all members are black (probably the most well known band on this list)

gorepot , stoner brutal / slam death metal / grindcore band from taiwan. solo project. their genre is complicated and they aren’t exactly punk but they deserve some love

sebum excess production , deathgrind band from from brazil. solo project (?)

c.a.r.ne , pornogrind band from mexico city, mexico. all members are latino

bodily stew , goregrind band from california, usa. ive heard that eddie and david are latino but i may be wrong

mxmxm , mincegore band from coachella, california, usa. might be a solo project but but ive heard they are latino

chulo , grindviolence band from bogatá, colombia. all members are latino

soul glo , hardcore punk band from philadelphia, pennsylvania, usa. 2 of the current members are black

taqbir , post-punk band. moroccan but based somewhere in europe. all members of the band are anonymous (?)

MYSPACE MUSIC ARCHIVE PROJECT

to the ones who don’t feel comfortable calling themselves a man, so they’re always guys, dudes, or boys

to the ones who still love their old “girl” clothes, the skirts and dresses and bright colors

to the ones who love makeup and nail polish and perfume

to the ones who dont bind or dont pack; to the ones who like having the chests and junk they already have

to the ones who dont want hormones or surgeries

to the ones who shave their legs or dont like body and facial hair; to the ones who still have long hair

to the femboys and the fairies and the girlyboys

to the ones who have a high ambiguous voice and like it that way

to the ones with weird genders, complicated genders, fluid genders, non-conforming genders, genders they take so seriously, genders they can’t be bothered with

I don't want to ask you to get into a full description of how to host your own webcomic and building the site because I imagine that's kind of a lot, but would it be possible for you to point me toward some of the resources you used when you were setting it up?

But still interested in feeding yourself? What if I told you that there’s a woman with a blog who had to feed both herself and her young son…on 10 British pounds ($15/14 Euro) per week?

Let me tell you a thing.

This woman saved my life last year. Actually saved my life. I had a piggy bank full of change and that’s it. Many people in my fandom might remember that dark time as when I had to hock my writing skills in exchange for donations. I cried a lot then. 

This is real talk, people: I marked down exactly what I needed to buy, totaled it, counted out that exact change, and then went to three different stores to buy what I needed so I didn’t have to dump a load of change on just one person. I was already embarrassed, but to feel people staring? Utter shame suffused me. The reasons behind that are another post all together. 

AgirlcalledJack.com is run by a British woman who was on benefits for years. Things got desperate. She had to find a way to feed herself and her son using just the basics that could be found at the supermarket. But the recipes she came up with are amazing. 

You have to consider the differing costs of things between countries, but if you just have three ingredients in your cupboard, this woman will tell you what to do with it. Check what you already have. Chances are you have the basics of a filling meal already. 

Here’s her list of kitchen basics. 

Bake your own bread. It’s easier than you think. Here’s a list of many recipes, each using some variation of just plain flour, yeast, some oil, maybe water or lemon juice. And kneading bread is therapeutic. 

Make your own pasta–gluten free. 

She gets it. She really does. This is the article that started it all. It’s called “Hunger Hurts”.

She has vegan recipes.

A carrot, a can of kidney beans, and some cumin will get you a really filling soup…or throw in some flour for binding and you’ve got yourself a burger. 

Don’t have an oven or the stove isn’t available? She covers that in her Microwave Cooking section. 

She has a book, but many recipes can be found on her blog for free. She prices her recipes down to the cent, and every year she participates in a project called “Living Below the Line” where she has to live on 1 BP per day of food for five days. 

Things improved for me a little, but her website is my go to. I learned how to bake bread (using my crockpot, but that was my own twist), and I have a little cart full of things that saved me back then, just in case I need them again. She gives you the tools to feed yourself, for very little money, and that’s a fabulous feeling. 

Tip: Whenever you have a little extra money, buy a 10 dollar/pound/euro giftcard from your discount grocer. Stash it. That’s your super emergency money. Make sure they don’t charge by the month for lack of use, though.

I don’t care if it sounds like an advertisement–you won’t be buying anything from the site. What I DO care about is your mental, emotional, and physical health–and dammit, food’s right in the center of that. 

Here’s an up to date link

I THOUGHT IT BUILT IT AROUND IT

sure, i do! =) i had to spend a long time in that phase!

cutting your hair is very scary and often times the hardest thing to commit to. do NOT force yourself to cut your hair right away if it scares you. work on your wardrobe, accessories, and how you act and talk first. if you want to chop all your hair off, however, i recommend doing it. go for the longest hairstyle you'd be comfortable with, then you can work your way down shorter if it's too long. you can experiment to find what you like, i just honestly recommend googling "modern men's hairstyles" or whatever to get a good idea

trying to push your voice ALL the way down into your chest at once is not going to work, but if you slowly start deepening your voice by speaking less out of your nose/throat area, you can begin to masculinize your voice and prepare it for T, if that's where you're headed. you can literally just practice talking like guys or people with husky voices. i also recommend listening to how guys and masculine people talk and just kind of practicing their mannerisms. it's okay to emulate someone from a movie, show, etc. and practice how they act

also watching how men and masculine people walk, sit, hold themselves, etc. goes a long way, even changing how you hold your shoulders helps. pay attention to if you sway your hips a lot when you walk.

as for clothes, like many other trans men, I preach the gospel of layering clothes! this is what helped me a lot when i was in school. I would wear tank tops underneath t shirts underneath a button-down shirt when the weather was appropriate, and it would create enough layers to draw away from the chest while i was still using sports bras instead of a binder

men's jeans actually have a wider variety of cuts than you'd think, and you can experiment with different ones you like. you can also look into men's slacks, shorts, and things like cargo pants. i love cargo pants, but i guess that makes sense as a butch lesbian LOL. i don't understand why people hate them, having pockets is literally a lifesaver. men's shorts are also really fun, honestly basketball shorts are a very trans manlook. we love basketball shorts

small masculine accessories can go a loooonnngg way. i used to wear a wallet chain, for example, and i used to stack masculine necklaces like thick chains, dragons, stuff like that. boots and hiking shoes are also very masculine, as well as most brands of sneakers. you can even get away with converse and vans if you're an emo/alternative boy. if you're into body modding, eyebrow and bridge piercings are very masculine.

some trans men do wear masculinizing makeup, such as painting on five o' clock shadow, putting mascara in one's eyebrows and/or facial hair if you have a natural/light mustache, contouring the face to look more rugged and masculine, such as making one's cheek bones look more pronounced and steep, squaring one's jaw, pronouncing and sharpening the brow ridge, and so on.

Lee says:

Finding insurance to cover transition

Medicare and other health insurance information (Facebook Group)

Medicare and CPT codes

Lower/bottom surgery

crisis/urgent support lines and sites

hotlines/crisis lines for depression, domestic abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, teens, pregnancy, lgbt and more

mental support community - a forum where you can post that you are in a crisis right now and need peer support as soon as possible

imalive crisis chat - online one-on-one chat for if you’re in at risk of hurting yourself etc

self harm alternatives

si urges alternatives

relaxation/anxiety relief

do nothing for two minutes

interactive silk art

guided relaxation

watch a dream

100,000 stars

thisissand - create sandscapes on your screen with your mouse

calming gif

the quiet place project

the quiet place - find some quiet

the thoughts room - a super calm page to unburden yourself from bad thoughts

the comfort spot - a place for anonymous venting with out anybody judging you for who you are

the dawn room - my personal favourite, especially good for when you feel alone

know that it will be okay - when a moment is too hard for you - come here.

music and sounds

my anxiety relief playlist - on 8tracks

my positivity/recovery playlist - on 8tracks

‘stay strong’ playlists - on 8tracks

coffee shop sounds

rain sounds

calmsound - nature sounds

rainycafe

comfort food

one minute cookie in a mug

brownie in a mug

several cookie recipes

25 hot chocolate recipes

loads and loads of snacks - 533 quick and easy recipes for a range of snacks on studentrecipe

lots of different in-a-mug recipes

chocolate pudding in a mug - my personal fave (lil tip: add mini marshmallows for extra gooey yumminess)

advice and tips

how to be okay with yourself

25 resolutions

life hacks

more life hacks

a hella ton more life hacks - so many life hacks dude soon ur gonna never have a day-to-day stress again

school masterpost - school sucks so bad but hopefully this can help ease the stress

how to love yourself

how to bypass restricted wifi omg

alleviate menstrual cramps

boost your confidence

love yourself!

self help after anxiety

stop biting your nails

stop procrastinating

stop skipping breakfast

videos and movies

cure to sadness (video)

the movie blog - a blog dedicated to movie masterposts you will never be without a movie to watch again

cute roulette - THE BEST PLACE ON THE INTERNET ITS LITERALLY JUST A HUGE ROULETTE OF VIDEOS OF CUTE ANIMALS WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT FROM LIFE

random acts of kindness caught on film

disney movies

movies for angsty teens

distractions etc

rice questions - answer simple questions and donate free rice to people in poverty!!

click to give - just click a button to donate (it costs nothing) food to animals shelters, people in poverty and homeless veterans; mammograms to fight breast cancer; therapy for people on the autism spectrum; alzheimer’s and diabetes research; a book to a child; protect wildlife habitat

break something - good for anger

loads of cute games

how to make a blanket nest

learn something new - a masterpost of hobbies

exercise like a superhero

nice words

things to do when your sad

slap a bald guy with an eel - this is ridiculously entertaining

watch a dog lick your screen - it loops, so you could literally watch for hours if you want

calmingmanatee

daily puppy

how to make a comfort box

download free books

extras

emergency compliment!

lots of compliments - they even include ur name aw

huge list of bloggers who have put themselves forward as willing to listen/chat without judgement

getting anon hate?

:) tag - all the posts that i’ve tagged for making me happy

7cupsoftea - free, anonymous, confidential talks with trained listeners

get a hug

Calming songs, playlists and instrumentals:

Sing Me to Sleep

The Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Boost your Mood (peppier and happy songs)

The Driving Mixtape

Study

Summer Nights

It’s Going to be Fine

Calm & Collected

Once Upon a December - Piano (song)

Clair de Lune (song)

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (song)

Calming/distracting Websites

The Quiet Place

Rainymood.com

Calm.com

Soundrown.com - calming sounds to mix and match

A website to distract yourself

A recovery masterpost

A post of interesting things

Ungruntle yourself

Press a magic button and fix everything

Play cute games

Almost every movie your little heart desires (i suggest you use with adblocker)

How to love yourself

A website that compliments you

Crafts and activities, easy and fun DYI projects

Glitter calm jars

A list of things to do to curb anxiety

Make a blanket nest

Silky summer legs

Lots of food recipes; mostly desserts  

For bad days masterpost

Make some microwave snacks

Five minute fudge

Make a phone case

A bunch of hobbies!

Self care list!

Pretty gold-dipped feathers (for decorating or anything)

What to do when:

You’ve been triggered

You’re having an anxiety attack

You’re having a panic attack

Your face is red and puffy after crying

You just had a fight

You hate yourself

You want to avoid being stressed

You want to get over your ex

Meditation and breathing

Guided Meditations

Do Nothing for 2 Minutes

Calm Down

Meditation Tips

90 second relaxation exercise

Simple things

Pretty Tree

When You Feel You Have Lost Everything

See Some BLOOD

Press a Button to Make Everything OK

Calming Manatee

Calming Gif

Make Something!

Jump into a Sofa Fort!

Make a Comfort Box

Glitter Jar Or This One

Other Nice Things

A Page To Help You Recover!!!

Coping Skills & Distractions

The Quiet Place. Shhhhh

For When You’re Upset

The Nicest Place on the Internet

Player 2

10 Most Relaxing Online Games

Talk To Someone That Will Listen

Not Having a Good Day?

How-to Love Yourself

Ground Yourself X X  X

Mood Chart

Do Nothing For Two Minutes

Rainymood

The Comfort Spot

Weave Silk

Seed Plant Breeder

This Is Sand

C.A.L.M

Calming/Relaxing Music:

Soft Piano: x, x, x, x, x

The Sound of Waves: x