Adventures in Cooking

What do yall expect parents to do? Do yall think all parents have the ability to hire a babysitter or afford daycare? Do you think parents with children should be locked away from the general public too? What have you done to fight for social benefits to help parents get these sorts of care for their kids so you don't have to see them ever? Is it a leftist stance to see people as inherently obnoxious for having kids and having nowhere to put them aside for "with them"? Do you think kids should be left with strangers rather than be in spaces that make you uncomfortable? What happens when kids get left alone or with strangers because of stances like this? (In my experience as a neglected abused kid - more abuse esp sexual)

When I was a teenager, she and I tried to join the SCA together, and some bitchy lady at the new member meetup straight-up asked us to leave, telling us it didn't seem like "the right environment" for us because my mom couldn't "control her children." What actually happened was that my sibling, who was a literal toddler at the time, wanted to run around in circles because he was bored and restless and there were no other kids to play with. The venue didn't have anywhere outside that I could take him to play while my mom stayed at the meeting, so we got told my sibling was "too loud" and asked to go home and not come back until we could hire a babysitter. I still don't know where this woman found the audacity, but she did, and my mom didn't have it in her to start a fight.

So we had to leave. And it was mortifying. I was furious because I really, really wanted to join the SCA, but I felt fucking horrible for my mother. I at least got to see friends at school, but this was the one thing my mom had tried to do in order to be social and get out of the house. It resulted in her getting shamed for having children who act like normal goddamn children instead of little dolls that can't speak or run around or make any noise.

We lived in poverty. She couldn't afford a sitter. We had just moved to the area and didn't know anyone who could help. My dad worked long hours because his paycheck was our only income. My mom had to quit her job because childcare was too expensive. I couldn't babysit very often, because I had to go to school. People insisting that children shouldn't be a "nuisance" in public kept my mother trapped in the house, to the point where she would hesitate just to get groceries because so many people would yell at her when one of the babies cried. She hit the point where she refused to go run errands at all unless someone could either come with her or stay home to babysit.

But because my dad was always at work and I was always at school? It made it hard to get groceries outside a very specific window. It's not like we could just get them delivered--that service didn't exist yet. Getting groceries was frequently a once-a-month affair, and this on top of the poverty had a direct impact on food availability in our home.

And to top it off, when my mother talked to her doctor about the amount of horrific stress and pain she was dealing with during this time? He told her "that's just what being a mom is like." She still tells this story, because it was such a horrific example of medical misogyny. She didn't diagnosed with her multiple chronic medical conditions for years, all because some doctor had it in his head that "moms are supposed to be isolated and exhausted."

i'd always considered it an act of kindness to the rest of the passengers, but now i'm certain it was at least partially for themselves. they were musicians dedicated to their instruments and knew the likelihood of survival was slim. so rather than fight the remaining 1500 people for the last 100 or so seats on the lifeboats, and leaving behind the instruments that were rarely far from their hands, they played.

i'm a choir kid, and my brother was an orchestra kid. music is how both of us cope with hard times. when i'm afraid or hurting or grieving, i sing. when the world feels like it's shattering around me, i sing, i sing, and i sing until my throat closes and my voice crumples.

(in more amusing light, just ask anyone i play online games with, anytime i get spooked or chased by a baddie, i do literally start singing like i was in the middle of an opera)

sure, maybe the musicians on the Titanic wanted to play a lullaby to the passengers in hopes of easing their last moments, but i'm now convinced they mostly did it for themselves. not selfishly, music is never selfish, it's always an act of sharing.

if i were a professional orchestral musician, my life would revolve around the instrument i play. i might know the instrument better than any human partner. and if i knew that this would be my last chance to play a beautiful song before being swallowed by the Atlantic, i'd play it over and over and over until gravity and ice cold water forces me to let go.

not to comfort the passengers anymore, they're beyond comfort now. i'd play simply so that the last thing i hear before the water takes me is the sound of my cello, or violin, or viola, or double bass softly crooning the saddest, gentlest hymn to the night. i'd want to feel the vibrations under my fingers no matter how frozen they are, because i won't be able to do it ever again.

what the fuck i'm crying again. i always had an appreciation for the musicians, but it didn't actually strike me so hard until i related to them on a personal level. i don't think they were trying to be heroes, they were just taking comfort in their own craft.

I’m so glad you asked! Let me list off what I’ve got for you:

Books I personally recommend:

- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

If you’re having kinky sex at all, you need to read at least one of these two books. Point blank. They’ll teach you the very basics of negotiating properly (which is critical!), and help you identify what you are and aren’t into.

- Mindfucking Mindfully, by Sir Ezra Where this book really shines isn’t actually in helping you “mindfuck” people, it’s in taking a close look at how to do so ethically. It’s a great answer to the question “how do I get someone to consent to something and still surprise and shock them with it?”

- Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny This is a slightly niche pick but there simply isn’t a better book on the subject. It’s written from a 24/7 M/s perspective, which is not what I do, but the book itself is an indispensable guide to giving and receiving service. The phrase “if the Master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service” will be burned into my psyche for quite some time. I love this book a lot. Maybe my favorite out of all of these.

- Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation, by Princess Kali This one’s high on my reading list; I’ve heard it recommended by a number of people whose opinions on these things I trust.

- Pretty Much Anything Midori Has Ever Done Midori is a great resource for this stuff - I haven’t personally read much of her work, but she’s a well known sex educator and great at what she does. She’s known for bondage, but has a lot of range beyond that.

- This Negotiations Worksheet from Bex Talks Sex This is what I default to using a lot of the time for negotiations. Forget BDSMtest, you don’t need that, it’s no good. Just look through this worksheet’s wordbank with your partner. Big fan especially of the “how do you want to feel?” section.

Books I can kind of recommend:

- The Ultimate Guide to Kink, edited by Tristan Taormino This book is weird. There’s a lot of good info for experienced players, but some of what’s written here skeeves me out. I think if I had a top that thought the way some of the tops in here think, they would not be topping me for long. But there’s some good techniques and so on to pick up that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I liked the distinction one of the authors makes between being sadistic in the sense of inflicting pain and being sadistic in the sense of doing something your sub doesn’t “enjoy.”

- The Ritual of Dominance and Submission, by David English Man, this book fucking sucks. The writing and editing are garbage, and the fear and protocol play described need way more careful negotiation than he ever lets on, let alone recommends. This is some 50 Shades bullshit. The only time I recommend this book is to tops like me who tend to be very affirming to their partners and need a guide on how to really scare them - when their partner consents and when you negotiate it, which this book sucks at teaching you. Really good content on fear, punishment, and protocol play, really terrible presentation of the topic though. Don’t read this if you don’t already know what you’re doing.

- Paradigms of Power, by Raven Kaldera I love this book. Great book. Very focused on 24/7 M/s play though, and, being an anthology, some chapters are better than others. If you can’t read something and pick out what is and isn’t for you, don’t bother. But some really great inspiration, and generally pretty well written. Big fan of the discussion of leather throughout the book.

It's partly because we can't even imagine a world without it

Like for years historians assumed bartering was what occurred before money and then somebody pointed out that that still requires an understanding of the concept of money to occur

So they did more research and discovered that yeah the ancient cultures didn't use money, they gave each other goods with the understanding that the same would be done for them if they needed it

They didn't exchange goods for ones of equal value, they gave away things they didn't need with the understanding that their community would provide a good for them if they ever needed it, they trusted in their community to provide for them

It wasn't an exchange but a community that provided for each other

And we have a really hard time wrapping our heads around that because we can't imagine a world without money

oh shit

fuuuuuck

BEKKATHYST FIRST 2022 GIVEAWAY

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Please read thoroughly before entering!

Hello lovely Tumblr folk! It’s that time again- I have a giveaway for you all. This is the first one of 2022 and will likely be the last one we post while still living in the US! 💜

We have an online store that could use your support!

My business is a small, family run establishment that I started here on tumblr in 2013. I’ve been lucky enough to grow to the point where my husband and I opened a brick and mortar store and I’ve been able to employ my mother and some of my siblings! I’ve been supporting my mom and younger siblings since 2016 💜 I’ve always strived to put compassion and ethics above all else in my business!

This giveaway will have two winners.

What the first winner receives:

The large assortment of crystals & the altar cloth pictured above! There are 18 crystals in total. The full retail value is about $510

A $100 gift card that can be used for our online store or tumblr sales!

What the second winner receives:

A $50 gift card that can be used for our online store or tumblr sales!

Rules:

You must be 16 or older. (If under 18 you MUST have parent’s permission)

You don’t have to live in the US to join!

Shipping is entirely free, I will cover it. But if you live outside the US and for whatever reasons your country wants to charge you import tax, you are responsible for it. If it gets sent back to me, you will need to pay shipping to have it sent again.

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At the end, each entry will be assigned a number and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator.

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Please respect me and my rules, and have fun!

Tolkien initially introduces Fredegar “Fatty” Bolger as this character who is just a little bit of a coward but who does not accept peer pressure - he willingly takes on the job of staying behind at Crickhollow when Frodo and the others leave the Shire, he WILLINGLY takes on the task of making it seem like Frodo is actually living there. He does this after having just been told that there are some weirdass black riders who have been stalking his cousins and Sam across the countryside since they left Hobbiton, and he knows exactly what the issue with the Ring is about. He has all the same info as all the others. He still decides that nah, not gonna go into the Old Forest, too dangerous, and he stays behind in order to tell Gandalf what happened and where Frodo went IF the wizard ever shows up. He stays to throw the riders off the trail. He outright states that he hopes Frodo won’t need help in the Forest, because hell knows he’s not going in there.

And guess what else this fucker does

Fredegar motherfucking Fatty Bolger does not take any of Lotho’s or Saruman’s shit when ruffians start their invasion of the Shire. He gathers a bunch of hobbits and forms a fucking group of rebels, using the tunnels of the Brockenbores as their base. He only stops once they’re smoked out, and he only stops because he’s dragged off to the goddamn Lockholes, where he is literally so starved that he has to be carried out by Merry and Pippin when the ruffians have been ousted and Saruman is dead. He can’t stand on his own, he’s too weak, and he is so thin that they can’t call him Fatty anymore. And he still takes a second to joke about how he can’t believe that “this giant” is Little Pippin.