Look at this photo of my dog

do action movies know they can have more than one female character

i’ve been comprimised 

i laughed for about 349583492547252 years

I’ve waited 2 years for this post to hit my dash again. Totes worth it

My parents live in this town and the city legally can’t tear the tree down to build or anything because the tree has its own legal rights and they can’t do anything about it.

how does. how does this happen. how DID this happen

i’m babysitting this 4 year old kid today and as his dad was leaving he said “be good today” and the kid responded by saying “dad i will punch you in the leg” 

Today is the 3 year aniversary of me and my friend getting left behind on a school field trip in hawaii and desperately trying to convince the chaperones and our own parents that were thousands of miles away to believe it wasn’t actually an April fools joke.

i fucking hated that quote so much, im so glad im not the only one XD

I’m envisioning Caesar hearing “mmm whatcha say” restarting 23 times before he dies for good.

My dumb ass Monkey brain every time I see the name “Geoff”: gee-off

Imagine if you were a Christian medieval person from a small village and you had a feud with your neighbour… how annoying would it be to see them in church every Sunday? Not only are you obliged to be in the same space with them every week but you’d have to watch them receive the sacrament and have their sins forgiven even though you know damn well they don’t deserve it… and on top of that you get the priest preaching “love thy neighbour” from the pulpit, I think the fuck not, I’ll not love an unneighbourly misbegotten churl such as he, preach though thou might, father

I think I just got possessed by the ghost of a man who’s still really upset about his neighbour’s pigs eating his cabbages

i don’t post. i secrete.

Good secretion op