fuck it posting vulnerable style because the journal factory exploded
I love my fiancé so so soooo much and i'm so excited to get married but also planning our wedding is making me confront the fact that I don't really have friends of my own. most of my friends were my fiancé's friends first so they'd be on the groom's side, and any friends I have independently aren't close enough that I could burden them with something like being a bridesmaid. I've always struggled with friendships but i crave them so badly. literally since childhood I've dreamt of having a friend group and I know how utterly pathetic that sounds, but i just want to actually feel like a normal person instead of an alien who doesn't understand how to interact with humans. I don't understand why it's so easy for everyone else and so hard for me. I'm watching so much wedding content and so much of it revolves around the bride, maid of honor, and bridesmaids, and idk. Just feels bad to not have that
