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"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

apparently he (who through my drunken memory I remember only as Earl) liked some woman, and she told him that he wasn't cultured enough and needed to attend his first drag show (she also flaked on him)

Now I'm reasonably androgynous and was wearing makeup, a short leather skirt, and black heeled boots, but still when this guy came up to me when I was standing off alone and asked "So. Do you come here often?" with a very earnest expression, I thought. Surely not. This guy doesn't think I'm a straight woman does he????

Anyway I start talking with this guy and he has no idea what the fuck is going on but he is just a very kind and earnest dude and asked a lot of questions (while asking if it was alright if he asked those questions). I track down my husband and friends and I'm like y'all. We need to make sure that Earl has a Good Fucking Time tonight.

Man was completely out of his depth. At one point they put on a puppy auction to raise money for Pride, that started with a 6 ft drag queen in all her glory leading a leather pup out on a leash to the tune of that damned RSPCA "in the arms of the angels" song

We look at Earl. Nervous. He squints, laughs, and then goes "I was wondering why people were dressed like that!" He turned to me and asked "So they're like dogs?" And I said yeah pretty much. And he just chuckled and went "Yeah I thought so with the tails! Never seen this before!"

When the first drag king came out, Earl looked at me wide eyed and went "There's a dude version too?!" And I said yeah they're called drag kings. And he said, low, "Drag kings."

During one of the queens performances, he frowned, shook his head and told me, "Your legs are better than hers." in a tone that implied he thought there was some travesty taking place and I should also be getting paid

When he found out I was there with my husband (and that I am not a woman) he profusely apologized and said "I'm so sorry, it's dark in here and I thought you were a hot chick! I wouldn't have said nothing if I knew you had a husband, I'm so sorry about that."

When beemovie invited me to the dance floor with him later and I still had a drink in my hand, Earl said "Oh don't worry about that I can hold your drink, you get on out there and shake your ass with your husband!" Then before we left, Earl bought me drinks for "Putting up with me all night and answering everything. Y'all helped me have a great time tonight."

like. You gotta recognize there's going to people who have never had interacted outside of their of their own community. This includes you. And just because your community is familiar with all the right vocabulary and how to correctly say something, it doesn't mean they're actually going to support you. If someone like Earl shows up, confused and out of their depth but kind and curious and earnest, you gotta have patience and truck through the small things, so when he goes back to his friends and his coworkers and they snicker asking how the drag show was, he can genuinely talk about how included we tried to make him feel and that he had a great time

-> Phonics For Adults <-

And here is the resulting image. There is at least Someone in the U.K. government who is actually doing their job, and it is Chief Mouser to the Cabinet, Larry the Cat.

Key Takeaways:

Trans women more likely to be unemployed than trans men or enbies but trans women and enbies had much higher full time employment rates than trans men, suggesting much more temporary and part time work among trans men. All were at least 2-5x the unemployment rate of cis queer peers

Disability is one of the greatest factors for quality of life decrease, with a lot of disabled trans people

Over half of trans women had taken medical intervention, a bit under half of trans men, and only a fraction of enbies. Despite this, more trans women than men found they didn’t need medical intervention, with enbies overwhelmingly saying they don’t pursue medical transition

Study skewed young but the youngest respondents had staggeringly poor rates, suggesting that young folks are in much worse positions than adults

Nonbinary people are rapidly becoming one of the largest portions of trans respondents, dispelling the idea that enbies are rare in trans spaces—with this being the largest trans study, the first to include asexual people, and the first ive seen to be made up of mostly nonbinary folks. With all nonbinary subtypes accounted for: 65% of respondents were not binary trans people

Asexuality is much more common than expected among trans respondents and also is not as rare in cis queer people as expected either, suggesting severe undercounting

Trans men tended to come out earlier but were less likely to pursue medical transition than trans women, and not by their own choice

The biggest source of homelessness among youth was relationship to family, which ranged across various trans identities—it had little to do with WHO the trans person was

The biggest compounding factors for trans struggles besides disability have been: 1. Race 2. Migrant status

Across gender lines, trans men had the highest suicide rates, but trans migrants of a variety of genders had significantly higher rates of mental health struggles and suicidality

When it comes to medical discrimination, it was fairly even across binary gender lines, but much higher for intersex trans folks, and even higher in general for trans people of color regardless of gender

In school, gym, and sports, trans girls were much more likely to be discussed, but trans boys were exponentially barred from locker rooms, teams, and facilities. It seems while there is more scrutiny on trans women, they are less likely to be out at this age, so trans boys are the ones being openly penalized, while trans girls are staying closeted in sport. This privileges neither group.

Trans women were the highest subgroup to report violence committed by strangers, with 1 in 5 trans women reporting having been the subject of violence at least twice.

Trans people of color and trans migrants reported significantly higher instances of violence from police, with that number likely being under-reported

In every category, race and migrant status played a much bigger role than gender alone

MY Big Takeaways:

Asexuals and intersex people are still grossly under-considered

Yall are fighting about who has it worse between trans men and women like that's all there is and here is the biggest study on trans people and nonbinary subgroups--even just "nonbinary" alone-- drastically outnumber you. Consider us for once.

This study implies or outright contradicts multiple instances that are assumed to be privileged: a. Trans men are coming out earlier but facing the most extreme brutal circumstances as trans youth with little autonomy, especially from parents who consider trans boys to be girls and therefore property. It's the ROGD movement. Coming out earlier is actually hurting many of them worse than the rest of us, across multiple categories but many are not coming out by choice. b. Trans boys are gender minorities whether they come out or not, and so the "freedom" to pursue gender exploration comes more from a lack of ability to stay closeted than because it's "safer" to be out c. trans girls and women are staying closeted more because of the intense scrutiny of trans women, and this is not a privilege either d. trans women are actually more open to the idea of non-medical transition than trans men, both highlighting the damage of transmedicalist spaces and correlating to how for trans men, recognition of their gender is not just about affirmation, but about what they are barred from accessing when they cannot pass

Disability is a massively massively under-recognized intersection of trans experience, accounting for some of the most staggering results over and over. Disability is of course the most "accepting" axis of oppression, meaning that anyone can come to be disabled from any background, but disability does not go after everyone equally. Being under worse stress, being subject to the most physical violence, being discriminated against in healthcare or education or housing. Essentially: racism and migrant status!

AT EVERY AVENUE RACE PLAYED A BIGGER FACTOR THAN GENDER! DID YOU HEAR ME? AT EVERY AVENUE RACE PLAYS A BIGGER FACTOR THAN GENDER!!!!!

Youth oppression is playing a bigger role than misogyny alone, and a lot of the instances that correlate to why trans men are often eclipsing other groups is due to how society treats those it thinks are not just women but girls--aka misogyny and youth oppression

A theory with a lack of intersection that does not seek to understand how trans men and trans women overlap is a useless metric when over and over there is suggestion that areas where trans men or trans women "benefit" over the other are not actually privileging either of them and are either creating more opportunities for oppression or increasing scrutiny

I understand the frustration--hell, I'm screaming in the original post--but I also don't think the findings like this are nothing. Many categories looked into are there with the caveat that "this is the first survey to look at x" "there are no other studies that examine y" which means this is either the first or near first...but it won't be the last.

The results are so staggering but it comes from a big org with a lot of pull--that won't be for nothing.

More surveys will come, more studies will come, more conversations will come.

No, I don't think anyone who wants to ignore us will valiantly hang their head and apologize for their mistake, but it's not about just them. Anyone unsure will slowly be convinced. This has already been circulating around other trans and LGBT spaces. More will come from this. It's creating buzz. It's starting new conversations and giving weight to existing ones.

This is huge.

And not least of which because it tells us we were right. Take that comfort and run with it. Revel that we are right and not alone. If that's all this survey was good for, that would still be such a gift--but it isn't! This is just the beginning.

And in the meantime, hello friend, comrade, pardner! I see you! They see us!

Like, I avoid transfem spaces over this, because yall fucking hurt my community, and I don't want to share a space with people that would do that.

I don't trust people that would stab other members of our community in the back. I can't.

If any transfem transandrophobes read this, you wanna know why transfem spaces are losing members? Look in the mirror, it's because of you, because we won't share space with hate.

Yall hurt our transmasc and nonbinary siblings way more than you hurt me, cause I can go to them to find community, and they can't seem to escape you; but you don't seem to care about that, so here we are. By hurting them, you hurt us too.

It pisses me off, but it's also just fucking humiliating, it's humiliating to see the depths that people just like me fucking sink to. Worse still, I know there was a time in my life where I'd have fallen for it, and I'm so fucking glad yall didn't reach me when I was that person, because it would have genuinely ruined me.

So just think about that, the next time you feel like bashing a transmasc person for no other reason but to take out your petty malice; you're destroying your own community in the process. Hate will eventually eat you alive.

It won't be forever. People will get sick of their fucked up bullshit, a few of them are gonna be exposed for doing some horrible fucked up things, and it'll end there.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

the life i have definitely never longed for, fuck you for even implying that