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Because I love to murder my own ass with gross emotion, I’d like to talk about another instance of Peak Romance™ in The Untamed, which somehow, miraculously passed censorship. (The censors were bribed, like, I’m pretty sure.) May I present, The Bunny Lantern Scene: Tanzhou Redux. Â
It’s nice to see our boys so comfortable and relaxed after the Yi City Tragedy Porn arc from whence we’ve just returned. Wei Ying, much like a bunny himself, is skipping around and poking things, while Lan Zhan is staid and stoic as ever. Until, he sees the bunny lantern. He takes a rather pregnant pause to look at it, and given this is The Untamed, I’m actually a bit surprised we did not flash back immediately to the Original Bunny Lantern.
But let us do that for you now - this is the day Lan Zhan consciously fell in love.
Unfortunately, Wei Ying is having a bit of a flashback of his own, or rather a vision of what he thinks is A-Yuan. Now, what’s interesting is this is the moment that WuJi (or Wangxian as we all know it’s really called) starts playing in the background. It’s a particularly romantic choice to associate WuJi with A-Yuan because at this point we, the audience, have probably figured out that A-Yuan = Sizhui = their son, i.e. the ultimate evidence of Lan Zhan’s love and devotion.
It’s fairly obvious by now that the bunny lantern is intimately linked with his emotions for Wei Ying, but in case it wasn’t, we now see Lan Zhan look right at him - and Wei Ying is beaming and gorgeous and entirely too easy to fall in love with. Heck, we’re all Lan Zhan at this moment.Â
I’d like to point out that during the entire 38 seconds that it takes Wei Ying to have this trip down memory lane, Lan Zhan is steadfastly staring at him. Finally, Wei Ying feels his gaze and turns around, so that they can proceed to stare at each other for another 26 seconds (no Baifan Mountain but still respectable), whilst WuJi plays, in front the entirety of Tanzhou and my gay eyes. (Let’s do the math, at this point, Lan Zhan hasn’t taken his eyes off his Socialist Bro here for a full 1 min 4 sec. That’s some intense camaraderie.)
At this point, Wei Ying, never one to miss the opportunity to take the piss out of the bae, points out the bunny lantern and reminds Lan Zhan that he drunkenly admitted to liking rabbits. (Hey man! What happens in Yueyang etc…)
And then, Hanguang-Jun looks at him like this:
And I am not sure how I’m supposed to even live having perceived that look on that face, but well, let’s just assume I’ve been dead this whole times BECAUSE HE KILLED ME.
And when Wei Ying suggests they buy the lantern, and Lan Zhan agrees, and then Wei Ying gives him THAT SMILE and Lan Zhan gives him THOSE COW EYES, I need to immediately lie down for a million years. Â
You guys, you are in public! You literally just dismembered a man and found your old pal’s decapitated corpse! There are CHILDREN around! WangXian don’t give a fuck. Lan Zhan casually carrying that fucking bunny lantern in front literally EVERYONE as if it were Wei Ying’s purse is the image I’m willing to die for. Fare thee well! I’ll be in my coffin, listening to WuJi.mp3.
(Huge shout out to @significanceofmoths​ for the beautiful gifs, how she didn’t go blind making them, I’ll never know)
This is about the sexiness of The Golden Girls but I really feel the need to remind the world of how fucking progressive this show was.
In the episode 72 hours, we find out Rose may have contracted AIDs during an emergency gallbladder surgery.
Rose: Why me, Blanche? I'm tired of pretending I feel okay so you won't say, 'Take it easy', and I'm tired of you saying 'Take it easy' because you're afraid I'm going to fall apart. Dammit, why is this happening to me? I mean, this isn't supposed to happen to people like me. You must've gone to bed with hundreds of men. All I had was one innocent operation.
Blanche: Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying this should be me and not you?
Rose: No! No, I'm just saying that I am a good person. Hell, I'm a goody-two-shoes!
Blanche: AIDS is not a bad person's disease, Rose, it is not God punishin' people for their sins!
In Isn't it romantic? we find out Dorothy's childhood best friend is a lesbian who recently lost her partner. She confesses she has feelings for Rose. Rose turns her down but makes it clear that she still wants to be friends even though she doesn't return those feelings.
Sophia: Jean is a nice person. She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs.
Jean: Rose, about last night. I should never have said anything.
Rose: You only said what you were feeling.
Jean: It's just that this last year has been so difficult for me. Pat was the person I planned to spend the rest of my life with. And when she died, I just felt so terribly alone. Empty. I thought I could never care for anyone again. Until I met you. I just got very confused. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable.
Rose: Well, I have to admit that I don't understand these kinds of feelings. But if I did understand, if I were, you know, like you, I'd be very flattered and proud that you thought of me that way.
Ebbtide's Revenge gives us Phil's funeral, and Sophia addressing him wearing women's clothes.
Rose: So what if he was different? It's okay that you loved him.
Sophia: I did love him. He was my son, my little boy. But every time I saw him I wondered what I did, what I said, when was the day I did whatever I did to make him the way he was.
Angela Petrillo: What he was Sophia, was a good man.
Sister of the Bride, where Blanche's brother Clayton brings his boyfriend to town, because they're planning on getting married.
Blanche: Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?
Sophia: Why did you marry George?
Blanche: We loved each other. We wanted to make a lifetime commitment. Wanted everybody to know.
Sophia: That's what Doug and Clayton want, too. Everyone wants someone to grow old with. And shouldn't everyone have that chance?
There are so many episodes I could sit here and quote but this show is still so important. It isn't perfect, there are jokes that definitely don't land that I will not sit here and defend, but in the context of when it was created? This show is a fucking masterpiece and deserves respect for that.
A non-writer asked me "but where do you get your ideas" and i genuinely did not know how to explain that it's not a place. it's not a website. it's not a folder. it's that i was on the bus and a woman was holding a paper bag very carefully and something about the way she held it made me need to know what was inside and then i needed to know why she was sad about it and then there was a whole person and then there was a whole story and the bus had already stopped and i missed my stop. that's where.
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Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.
Huge shout to my friend from an undergraduate philosophy program who started working out every single day, not for health benefits or to become conventionally attractive or whatever, but because -- and this is a direct quote -- he was concerned that otherwise he might "become lost in the world of signs and forget the things they signify". I have thought about this every single time that I've worked out since.
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“I would eat his heart in the marketplace” is legit the most savage line I have ever heard, I’d like to personally thank Shakespeare for putting into words that feeling of rage and protectiveness women get when some fuckboy hurts another woman
Okay first off, I will always reblog this post, but secondly, I went to Shakespeare in the Park tonight to see this and all the women cheered *so loudly* when Beatrice said this line, and the guy in front of me looked around all shocked and a little scared and said “… oh wow” and it was ICONIQUE
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[ID: Despicable Me meme with Gru presenting a plan on posterboards. First step: That’s a neat idea! Second step: Someone should write it! Third step: I’m that someone. Gru stops and looks back at step three with concern/disappointment/sadness. End ID.]
The four most interesting parts of time loop are when the person kills themselves for the first time, when they kill someone else for the first time (in a fuck around kind of way, this doesn't count if they already were killing people outside of the loop), how they break the loop, and the weeks afterward where they loose their fucking minds in an entirely different, significantly more damaging to the world around them way. And yet I rarely see anything done with that last one. People leave time loops and are all happy go lucky 'oh boy'. Where's the grappling with people you know who will never know you? Where's the knowledge that the safety of the loop is gone, and you can't fix any mistakes you make? That's the good angst I want
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