Jaded, Bitter Joy Crusher

Alright I'll bite. Who's Talos

😤😤😤Talos the mighty! 💪💪💪Talos the unerring! 💯💯💯Talos the unassailable! ✊✊✊To you we give praise!🙏🙇🙌We are but maggots, 🐛🐛writhing 〰in the filth 👣👣👣of our own corruption! 💰💲🚫🔪While you have ascended😱😇 from the dung💩💩 of mortality, 👥💀and now walk among the stars!🌠⭐✨But you were once man!👨👨👨 Aye!✅✔✅ And as man, 👦👦you said, “Let me show you the power💪💪💪💪 of Talos Stormcrown⚡👑🔱, born of the North,🆙🔝☝ where my breath 💨💨💨is long winter. ❄⛄I breathe😤😧 now, in royalty,💍👑💲and reshape this land🌐🌄 which is mine. I do this for you,👉👉 Red Legions, for I love you💞💞💞.”Aye, love. ❤❤❤Love! 💓💓💓Even as man,👴👴👴 great Talos cherished us. 😭😢For he saw in us, 👐👐in each of us,👫👬👭 the future of Skyrim! 👏👏The future of Tamriel!👏👏👏And there it is, friends! 🙏🙏The ugly truth! 🙀🙀🙀We are the children of man! 👦👨👴Talos is the true god😇⛪💒 of man! Ascended 🙌😇from flesh,👃👃👃 to rule the realm of spirit!👻👻👻👻The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven👱👱👱 overlords! 👺👺Sharing the heavens 🌌🌌with us? With man?👮👷💂 Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!🌎🌏🌍Today, they take away your faith.🚫⛪🚫 But what of tomorrow?⁉⁉ What then? Do the elves 👱👱take your homes? 🏠🏠🏠Your businesses? 🏧🏦🏥Your children? 👪👪👪Your very lives?🔪🔪🔪And what does the Empire do?🏰🏰 Nothing! ❌❌❌Nay, worse than nothing! ❎❎❎The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor!🙅🙅🙅 Against its own people!😠😠😠😠So rise up! ☝☝Rise up,👆👆👆 children👶👶👶 of the Empire! 🏰🏰Rise up, 🆙🆙🆙Stormcloaks!💧⚡ Embrace the word of mighty 💪💪Talos, he who is both man and Divine!👼👼👼For we are the children of man!👶👦👦 And we shall inherit both the heavens🌌🌌🌌 and the earth! 🌎🌏🌍And we, not the Elves👱👱👱 or their toadies, 🐸🐸🐸will rule Skyrim! Forever!💯✔💯Terrible and powerful Talos! 👑👑👑We, your unworthy servants,🙏🙏🙏 give praise! 🙌🙌🙌For only through your grace and benevolence 💓💓may we truly reach enlightenment!👍👍👍And deserve our praise you do, 👏👏👏for we are one! 👐Ere you ascended 😇😇😠and the Eight🕗🕗🕗 became Nine, 🕘🕘🕘you walked👣👣 among us, great Talos, not as god, 🚫👼🚫but as man!👲👳💂Trust in me, Whiterun! 👌👌👌Trust in the words of Heimskr! 👍👍👍For I am the chosen✔✔ of Talos! 👀👀👀I alone have been anointed 💦💦💦by the Ninth 🕘🕘to spread his holy ⛪⛪⛪word!💌💌💌

I feel like this wasn't necessary but congrats or I'm sorry that happened

dude youre making this vivisection really difficult can you just like stay still

To-Morrow I’m graduating Kindergarten….

What did you major in?

Crayon

The heavy metal guitar solo intro music just petered off into the jurassic park theme sjsnsjejwkms

Oh this man is a himbo. Excellent.

Wait is this man a priest or a pastor 🤔 if he's a priest then the title is false advertising

"I don't believe you! Dinosaurs never existed, and even if they did, I didn't turn into one!"

Bro i can't even describe this vietnam war flashback.....there's 5 guys in jeans and thrifted military jackets in what is clearly someone's backyard......a bloody helmet on a garden fence is meant to symbolize how many brothers in arms they've lost.....they just stuck a blond wig on the old priest to show how young he was back then.......his gf just showed up and stepped on a land mine and died....which is why he joined the priesthood...the editing feels like a fever dream

NINJAS?!

MY NAME IS CROUTON AND IM GONNA BE PRESIDENT SOMEDAY BELIEVE IT

Okay, but he’s not. They just happen to have the same name. Naruto is a whirlpool which is why the kamaboko in ramen also has that name (the spiral). His last name, Uzumaki, also translates to whirlpool/maelstrom. You should be teasing him that his name is Whirlpool Whirlpool.

moon moon crouton 

Will humanity ever be free of the influence of Edna Mode? Can any of us so much as consider the character design for a hero or villain without her manifesting in the room, fully aware of our sins?

You know what, another layer of difficulty is when you’re thinking about villains, and the wise words of Megamind come into your head. You don’t just want your child to be just a regular villain. But how do you make your villain a Supervillain with no cape? Where is the drama? But Edna says no capes, you must deny them the flair. It is impossible to please them both, and it’s tearing this family apart.

Counteroffer: Big dramatic cloak to protect your identity that you drop on the floor before every fight

#there are two wolves inside you #one is edna mode #the other is megamind  (@remnantofahero) 

I can’t believe the compromise is Obi-Wan Kenobi

Okay, but I love that Gandalf is just dropping his cloak to reveal another, slightly smaller cloak underneath it.

Apparently when my grandma first came to America she didn’t know what a raccoon was and assumed it was a fucked up cat and adopted it. I just imagine this 13 yr old girl with a heavy Eastern European accent being like “this is my cat, Petr. He is not very friendly”

Omg

i cant stop laughing about this website

6 years since i made this post and pointerpointer.com is still probably the best website i can think of

Well that’s the most pointless website I’ve ever seen

I would argue that it’s actually the opposite

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits