burger princess

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

kill 1 landlord per day until conditions improve

The pyromancer always wins

this could not hit harder if it tried

This ancient Rockabilly pendant holds tremendous power

God will see you at the lowest point of your life, and say "what the fuck I thought I killed that thing." But you skitter too fast and you are too creepy.

the differences between alcohol, tobacco, and anything else in america is kind of absurd and it’s hard to wrap your head around without going kinda insane

you can drink alcoholic drinks in public if you want BUT ☝️ only in some places. you can smoke cigarettes almost fucking anywhere though, even though that makes the environment way worse for everyone around you. however you cannot smoke cannabis anywhere. you can’t even have it at all in a lot of places. having open containers (i.e. a bottle of liquor you’ve drank from before) of alcohol in your vehicle is illegal EVEN IF you’re sober as a nun. you can smoke in your car. everything has so much caffeine in it that sometimes a drink just hospitalizes or kills you. you can buy caffeine pills to stay awake at drugstores and gas stations. you need a drivers license to get decongestants and you have to jump through hoops and bark like a trained seal to get any kind of hrt or psychiatric medication. they sell cigs literally everywhere. they wreck your life and finances and make you smell horrid and give you cancer but a bunch of rich people are dumping so much money into keeping them legal that seemingly the only thing the government can do is “ehhh they give you cancer but we can’t BAN them.” cannabis has well-documented medical properties but old white people think smoking it makes you a satanist because of racist government propaganda. hell world

unconvinced i'll ever find "the vitamin" that makes me all better so i can get real work done but i do expect they'll elucidate whatever my deal was post-mortem, after which what i did manage to accomplish with my life will be regarded on the level of Beethoven composing despite being deaf or Gordon Ramsay cooking despite being british

anyway. last night I had a dream that my local lesbian bar was hosting a “motionless dance party”. it was sort of like the inverse of a silent disco—the music is playing out loud but you’re doing all the dancing inside your own head. it was really successful like a lot of lesbians showed up to stand perfectly still in a room together and imagine what dancing would be like.

take him and photoshop him

he would pee himself, but he would love the sand…