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targetedknowledge

muffinlance

Calico out there putting tuxedo on the mats

unpeeled-human

!! POISONED !!

theyellowbrickroad

i had the best human interaction of all time last night. i was sitting at a bar eating an appetizer and this guy comes up to order a drink and stares at my food and comments how good it looks. when i am drunk i use the word bitch like it is a comma, i plug it into any space in a sentence possible. so naturally the first thing i say to this stranger is, “go ahead and take one, bitch.”

he looks SO shocked and taken aback and goes “what did you just say? how do you know my name?” so i sit there for a moment trying to figure out what the fuck he is talking about, and then go, “…. bitch?” and he looks so relieved and tells me his name is mitch.

i cannot stop thinking about this. oh my god. imagine going into a bar and someone you know for a fact youve never met approaches you and says “go ahead and take one, mitch.” im cracking the fuck up. he looked like he thought this was the fucking truman show

jaronofthebored

all timer line. easy top 10 at least from queen. I think about it everytime I hear that word. her face makes me read this with one specific inflection that is stuck in my brain (it meeans-TITTeee). The use of only one T. Perfect line no notes. should be up there with Potassium

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mollyjames

*inserting new RAM into my 10 year old motherboard* "Shhh... hey, hey! It's okay girl. I didn't mean to startle you. I know it's been a little while. I've got a nice little treat for you here, okay? It's going to help you run smoother. There now, see? That wasn't so bad. I'm sorry girl. I didn't realize how much stress I've been putting you under, streaming Elden Ring with only 8 GB of memory... No wonder you're having trouble with Baldur's Gate 3. You've been doing so good though. I know you'll probably have to go soon, but we still got a few good years left. Hopefully this will help ease any pain you've been feeling. I'm going to put the cover back on the case now, okay? I love you."

mollyjames

I'M FIXING HER OKAY??

mollyjames

My babygirl is a champion 💖

komaedalovemail

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

butterfirefly

for the uninitiated

dogpuppy

pavlien

a whole lot of lupin textposts bc insomnia is kicking my ass lmao

faline-cat444

Something about these info blurb boxes

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meinshimmel

vomiitaura

skrunksthatwunk

i love it when they do. whatever these are

vomiitaura

holy-leapin-splits-batman

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Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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pocket-deer-belly

to be loved is to be changed into a much fatter version of yourself

importantcatpics

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