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Could I request more Cloud Strife x fem!reader? Pretty please! I really love the smut fics you wrote, especially the fic "plaything" the beginning was very cute. Sorry, this message is kinda long lol. Thank you!
ꗃ boyfriend | cloud strife ☁️
summary: cloud surprises you in more ways than one.
contents: nsfw! cloud x fem reader, fluff & smut, soft dom cloud, "good girl" he finally gives reader a pet name lol, rooftop sex, makeout session, praise kink, teasing, thigh grinding, p in v, clouds hard on himself, reader comforts him.
words: 3k
authors note: tysm for requesting more of them!! also no worries on the length of the ask, go in depth with it if you wanna i don’t mind lol. i hope you enjoy this one!! <3
—
The phone buzzed in the quietness of your living room. It was late afternoon, sunset imminent. The book you were reading had kept your attention all day. Setting it down on the coffee table, you picked up your phone.
soldier boy: Hey I have a question.
you: uh oh i’m scared
He reacted to your msg with a haha.
soldier boy: Is your buildings roof accessible?
soldier boy: It’s important.
What could he possibly be plotting. You thought.
you: yeah it is
you: cloud if you wanna come over you can come through the front door like a normal person :|
soldier boy: I know that. Just head up there in an hour.
you: ???
He didn’t respond after that of course. The suspense was killing you but you got up and did what you were told. It’s not like you hadn’t seen each other in a while. You saw Cloud at seventh heaven often. Just days before, you were all doing harrowing research and spending countless hours preparing for acts against shinra.
It puzzled you sure, but you were used to his mysterious, introverted ways. Going for casual, you play with the sleeve of your white blouse; throwing on a cream-colored sweater over top of it, partially because you know how much Cloud loves seeing you in that color.
An hour later you made your way up towards the roof. A light breeze blew by as you opened the door. Met with the sun finally setting, you looked around for him.
“Cloud? Are you up here?”
A pair of hands came in front of your eyes. You gasped, about to turn around on instinct until you heard the voice that belonged to the hands.
“Guess who.”
“Cloud!? You scared me!”
Turning around, you were face to face with the spikey haired boy. He was smirking, obviously enjoying how scared you were.
“Really? How did I scare the girl who beat the shit out of five grenadiers last mission.” He said removing his hands.
“That’s different!”
“Sure.”
Bantering with him was always fun but you were curious to know why he wanted to meet, especially up here.
“So what’s up? Is it something serious?”
Cloud shook his head no. Offering a tight lipped answer that shed zero light on his intentions.
“Just wanted to see you.”
“Well I know that silly, but why here? On my roof?” You laughed.
“Let me show you.”
He grabbed your hand and led you around the corner. To your surprise he had set up a little picnic spot. Fairy lights covering the railing of the roof, you instantly smelled the delicious aroma from the food he had brought. There were even flowers already in a vase. You wondered how he set all of this up so quickly.
“I-Is this for us?”
“Yeah. Well for you mostly. But yeah for us,” He continued, “I’m bad at this. Sorry.”
The smile on your face gave away how happy you truly were.
“Cloud this is so sweet…” You said softly.
He watched you look around, admiring everything. Your mouth must have been just slightly agape because Cloud breaks the silence by asking,
“So you like it?”
You shut him up with a quick and sweet kiss to the lips.
“You know the answer is yes, you’re only asking to hear me say it.”
He simply takes your hand with an innocent smile and sits down on the blanket. He gestures to the spot across from him, reluctantly letting go of your hand to let you sit.
Mentally checking off the checklist in his mind as the evening went on, he loved seeing you like this. Being carefree and enjoying yourself. Something he didn’t get to do often.
The rest of this time is spent in bliss. You insist on feeding Cloud more than once, knowing it’ll get him flustered. Always making sure to kiss his lips right after too; it’s impossible to resist.
The food was yummy, both of you mindlessly munched away with small talk being a constant between you two. Cloud said he had asked Aerith to help him make most of the dishes. He also sourced the flowers in the vase directly from her garden.
After a little while, both of you laid on the blanket staring up at the night sky. The stars on full display for once.
“Can I ask you something?” Cloud said as he readjusted himself. Propping himself up on his elbow.
You nodded, directing your full attention to him. Usually he was the one with intense eye contact, but you with your soft eyes waiting for him to speak, he couldn’t get the words out.
Even after years of knowing Cloud, he’s the most interesting, entrancing person in your life. You let him talk and he listens to your responses intently. Vice versa. He gets distracted several times, however, always lost in thought as he stares at you.
“Cloud,” you say with a small laugh, snapping him out of his trance.
Cloud blinks twice in succession, acting like he just woke up from a long sleep.
“Just a little nervous. My bad.”
Reaching for his face, you cupped his cheek. “It’s just me.” you say with a soft smile on your face.
He nods. Debating his next words.
“I’ve been thinking about us.”
Cloud cringes internally at how cliche it sounds but he doesn’t regret saying it.
“Me too.”
His eyebrows raise a bit. Relieved at your response.
“I want you. I-I want us to be together.”
You blush uncontrollably at his words. Thankfully, though, the sun has almost fully set, and your pink face is covered under the guise of the night.
“But I just don’t wanna disappoint you.” He whispers.
In his head, Cloud thinks he’s a failure. It stems from his traumatic past that you know all about. He feels too riddled with guilt and resentment so how could he be a good boyfriend to you?
“Cloud, you couldn’t possibly disappoint me.” You tell him very seriously.
He doesn’t verbally respond, too caught up in how caring and understanding you are. You really are perfect he thought. Instead he chose to gently slide his thumb across your lips. His eyes moving down to glance at the way they part, then back to your eyes. He moves his face a bit closer, stopping just in front of you.
Then he kisses you. His lips are sweet, and you crave them just as much as you had during your first kiss with him. Trapped in the tranquility of the kiss, he’s now holding your face to his own, desperate to keep your lips with him for as long as possible. He starts smiling against you as he feels you lean deeper into the kiss, and soon you’re a pair of giggling faces; but you stay in the position for a long while before finally breaking away.
“I’ve been waiting for you to ask…”
“Really?”
“Mhm..you’re clueless sometimes.”
“You might be right.”
All that matters is washing away Clouds doubts with your love, securing him with your hand in his hair and his hand on your back. You kiss him like he’s your oxygen. With more fervor than you anticipated he mirrors your need while his hands pulled your hips even closer against his body.
His tongue begged for entrance, joining yours in a dance that let heat rush through your entire being. You started to rock your hips ever so slightly while breathing against his lips, It only took a few more moments until you felt a familiar hardness straining against his pants.
Your now boyfriend leaned back to look at you. One of his hands found your face and his fingertips began tracing along your cheek.
“So beautiful.” He cooed. “Am I still clueless?” He asked as his thigh grazed against your pussy.
The hunger in his eyes only grew when a timid sigh fell from your lips. He watched intently as you kept grinding against his thigh while the tension in your body only grew. His hardness twitched beside you as you used his body for your own pleasure.
The friction your motions created were making you desperate but it wasn’t enough for you. Cloud knew that too. He still wanted to see how long it would take you to start begging for him.
Fingertips were buried into the supple flesh of your hips, keeping you close to him as you started to struggle to keep moving. With your face buried into his neck, he could feel your hot, heavy breath against his skin.
It was too much and not enough for you at the same time. The lace of your underwear was soaked with your essence at this point, you felt like you might combust if you didn’t find release anytime soon.
“Please.” You finally whispered into his ear, desperate for him to take over. He chuckled as he leaned back to find your eyes.
“What do you need?”
The smirk on his face revealed that he knew exactly what you needed. He just wanted to hear you say it.
“Please…I need you.” You begged, a playful look on your face.
He found your lips in a kiss, soft and sweet like a silent promise to always take care of you. When he motioned for you to sit up, you whined at the loss of pressure against your center.
Slowly, he began undressing you. The second your bra dropped to the floor of the roof his fingers began toying with your nipples. His thumbs brushed over your hardened peaks while he kissed you again.
“Are we doing this up here?” He asked in between kisses.
“No one really comes up here..at least I don’t think they do.”
“Let me lock the door just to be safe.”
When he came back, his hands were still on your breasts. Caressing them just the way he knew you liked. When his palms finally descended further down your body, a relieved sigh fell from your lips.
“You’re such a good girl,” he murmured against your neck. “So patient with me.”
Hearing his praise aroused you even more and you could feel your desire dripping down your inner thighs. You knew it wouldn’t be long now until he’d let you feel him. He moved back to let his eyes roam over your body while he undid the buttons of his shirt.
“You’re so handsome,” you mumbled and noticed a rosy shade spreading over his cheeks as he placed both of your shirts to the side.
When he finally revealed his upper body to you, you could barely take your eyes off him. Closing the distance once more, your hand dared to make contact with his cock. It became obvious that he struggled to keep up his demeanor. He was just as desperate as you were. Clouds eyes widened at your touch on top of his pants.
Unbuttoning them, you slipped your hand in. His hardness felt hot and heavy against your palm and his tip was already leaking when you began moving your hand. Clouds breath hitched right before a moan escaped his throat, a sound so sinful it almost drove you insane. He indulged in the sensation a few more moments before he took over the situation once more.
“Lay down.” He demanded with a firm tone and you did as he said.
However, when you lay down on the blanket he shook his head.
“No, I want you on your knees.”
You didn’t need further instruction to know exactly how he wanted you. You turned around, got on your knees ,and bent over, your forearms pressing into the thin blanket. Heat rushed to your face when you took in the position he wanted you in, aware of the view you gave him.
The feeling of your shorts and panties being pulled down had anticipation running through your body. He stood right behind you when he purred, “Pretty. I love seeing you like this.”
His hand made contact with your backside, grabbing your flesh before descending down to your cunt. Your glistening folds were so sensitive that your entire body trembled at the sudden contact. He let his fingertips glide through your slit before focussing on your already swollen nub.
“Dripping wet for me, aren’t you?”
You were already too far gone to even respond to that. A fit of moans fell from your lips and you buried your face into the makeshift pillow from your shirts to stifle the sounds. Clouds free hand found your hair and gently tugged on it to turn your head.
“Don’t hide those noises from me. I gotta hear what I do to you.”
When he finally entered you with two of his fingers, you couldn’t help but grind your hips back against his hand. He curled his digits inside you, pushing against your walls to finally help you fall over the edge. As much as you loved feeling his fingers inside of you, you were still desperate to feel more of him.
You needed all of him, all over you. It was impossible to wait any longer.
“Please,” you pleaded once more. “Please, Cloud.”
“What do you need, baby?” This time his question seemed genuine.
“I need you,” you mumbled. “Need you inside me.”
“I am inside you.” He teased with a playful tone in his voice.
“Nooo,” you whined, “I need your cock..”
The crudeness of your words shocked and excited the both of you at the same time. Cloud finally gave in, granting you what you had been begging for all along. He removed his hand and positioned himself behind you before he let his tip glide through your folds to cover himself with your arousal.
Then, without another warning, he pushed into you with one swift motion. He didn’t give you time to adjust to the intrusion, instead he instantly began fucking you with a ruthless pace. His hands gripped your hips to keep you in place. His fingertips were buried into your skin so deeply, you were sure to find bruises tomorrow.
“Feels so good every time” he groaned. “I’m fucking crazy for you.”
He gave you exactly what you needed, pushing into you over and over again until your mind was completely blank. You couldn’t think about anything but him, how he handled your body, how he filled you out so deliciously, how only he could make you feel so good. The pressure inside you grew as the outside air filled with your moans and the filthy sounds of your bodies colliding.
“Love it when I take you from behind, don’t you?”
“Yes!” you cried as you started dancing along the brink of euphoria. Even though you could barely take his forceful thrusts, you still wanted more. “Harder!”
He felt your walls tighten around him. With a few more skillful strokes he pushed you over the edge, feeling you pulsing around his erection as your orgasm washed over you. Cloud slowed down to let you ride out your high, watching how your entire body trembled with pleasure.
When he slipped out of you, he was still painfully hard. As pleasurable as this position was for the both of you, he craved your nearness more than to find quick release.
Cloud Strife was slowly becoming a romantic after all.
“Can you turn around for me? Please?” He cooed.
You did as he said and welcomed your boyfriend on top of you. His demeanor had changed when he entered you again, his motions were slower but still purposeful. His facial features were soft and his eyes filled with adoration for you. Your legs and arms wrapped around him to keep him impossibly close before capturing his lips in a soft kiss.
“Does that feel good?” You breathed against his lips.
He let out an unrestrained soft whimper. It looked like he was in heaven. The hold of your pussy had him wanting to say he loved you. Which would’ve been true, he does love you.
It didn’t take long for Clouds movements to get erratic as he got close to his own climax.
“I’m so close,” he sighed. “You’re incredible.”
You ground your hips against his, intensifying his thrusts. You kissed his lips once more before whispering,
“Come inside me.”
That was all it took for him. His body began quivering as he throbbed inside you, sharing his warmth with you until he had nothing left to give. After he caught his breath, he gently moved a strand of hair out of your face before softly kissing your forehead, your nose, your cheeks and finally, your lips.
You still held him close inside your arms, refusing to let him go just yet. Your bodies were still connected even after he had gone soft. Cloud tried to move but you didn’t let him, still craving to have him close.
“Just a little bit longer.” You sighed.
“I wanted this night to be perfect.” He whispered, his thumb rubbing circles into your hips.
“It was more than perfect, you did so well Cloud.”
As much as he wanted to belittle himself, he couldn’t. Not with your words and praise in his ear. He couldn’t let the negativity misguide him, he wouldn’t. With you finally by his side, he promised to be better.
He took a deep breath.
“Anything for you.”
—
AHH i loved every second of this. Got the idea to do a txt msg type of intro after seeing this post :p.
Tired, so tired. You think as you trudge your way through Savanaclaw Dorm. Arriving at his door, you jiggle it open and walk in. Closing it behind you, dropping your bags and coat on the floor. Kicking your shoes off and approaching the side of the bed. The moonlight shines through the lowered blinds of his room. You lean on the side of the mattress as you undo your belt. Dropping your pants and unbuttoning your shirt to allow the cool air to blow all over you.
You sigh out loud and let yourself bask in the soft breeze as it blows over your body. Despite there not being a fan, Leona's room only has vision blockers, air still passes through it quite freely. It's nice. You turn your neck a few times to let it breathe. Leona turns in bed and looks at you. Smirking as he lifts up the blanket. Showing himself in just a tank top and shorts. It's a very casual bedding attire, honestly sometimes you're surprised he even sleeps with clothes on at all.
“Come..”
He beckons you to him, and so you do. Bending down onto the bed, and crawling over the mattress to lay next to him. You arrange your pillow next to his in the way you like. As you snuggle up to his chest, he casts his arm over you. Encapsulating a bit of the cool air and letting his warmth radiate with you. His chest is ever so warm. Your face sits at his neck, your legs resist the urge to entangle with his for now. He smells oddly nice, for some reason Leona doesn't actually have a foul body odor. Maybe it's a spell, but he smells faintly of citrus. A very faint orange zest on him.
You lay your head against him, trying to put your head ever so slightly lower at his chest. The blanket is practically covering you entirely. It rests over his shoulders and for you, your head barely pokes over the blanket. But you feel yourself be pulled up and away from your luscious pillows that are Leona's pectoral muscles.
“You're slipping off the pillow” He says as he lays your properly on the it.
You frown slightly as you lean into him, looking him in the eyes. Your lips pulse as you push them against his, he lets out what feels like a soft moan into your mouth. As you two open mouth kiss quietly. You cheekily slip your tongue into his mouth, with surprise he accepts but as your hands start moving their way under his top, he places a hand on your chest. Pushing you down flat on your back and holding you there as he looks at you so lovingly.
“Stay down”
He whispers as he wraps his arms around you, holding you against him. One arm behind you and cradling your sides with the other wrapped around your head. If his arm was any lower it'd be a chokehold. His bicep sits wrapped right across your mouth, smooshing you against it. Truly the dream you think as you let yourself be held. Closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep with your cat husband.
I hope you enjoyed this, I needed to do something to distract myself from my birthday. I hope you enjoyed it, I do write fanfic on my AO3 in my off time, but I'm trying to do so more often.
I'm thinking about opening a secondary blog for nsfw stuff so that my followers and moots don't have to see it if they don't want to
Also I'm OPEN TO REQUESTS, no guarantee if I'll do them keep in mind. I can deny whatever I don't want to do of course.
Nsfw and freaky requests are allowed but ofc I can decline what I wish. Thank yous!
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auburn!!! i’m so glad that over these five years (half a decade wow 🤑) your work and most importantly your amazing personality has grown to receive so much recognition and love. i’m proud of you and i’m glad we’ve known each other for so long 🫶🏽. i hope your work continues to grow and you continue to do amazing things and be generally pretty cool. okay thats too much sappiness bleggh poop fart shit fuck ass ☝🏽
erm anyways i would like the chocolate swirl bread slices with brown sugar bubble tea in the special 3k event cup with cat cap… rubs hands together like fly…
would also be cool if the reader was FTM and/or was not-so-subtlety avoiding leona for any reason
DANIEL YOU BUTT THATS THE SWEETEST THING YOUVE SAID TO ME IN FIVE YEARS AND YOU END IT WITH POOP FART SHIT FUCK ASS????? ANYWAYS this almost made me cry what the fuck i feel like a baby bird leaving the nest even though im older than you. i cant believe we're like adults now. what happened to being weird ass teenagers on quotev dot com. i cant say i miss that era though but i do miss kaomoji IDK WHERE HALF THE FRIEND GROUP IS LMAO anyways thank you for being my friend mwah you are a real one you have seen me at my worst and stuck with it IDK HOW YOU DID THAT anyways your lion man
an order of romantic angst with leona kingscholar!
Leona watches your back as emotions he would much rather not acknowledge fester and boil in his chest. His tail flicks, his ears twitch, and it’s obvious to everyone around him that he is exceedingly annoyed.
That’s not the shocking part, however.
It’s the fact that he’s annoyed with you, the one boy in this whole school he never should have felt that way towards.
Leona wouldn’t be so annoyed in the first place if it wasn’t for the fact that you’d been inexplicably ignoring him for the past few weeks. As petty as always, Leona was sure he could outlast you, ignoring you in much the same way. He was good at being nonchalant, at taking it easy even though his affection shifted to bitter resentment.
Could he really call you someone close to him if he’s starting to genuine dislike you?
Nah, it’s not like he should have expected anything in the first place. He turns on his heel and walks off in the opposite direct of you, tail flicking lazily behind him. If you don’t want him anymore, that’s fine. If he’s not your number one anymore, he’ll just grin and bear it, bear like he always has and always will.
He thought he had something just for himself. How naive could he be?
Leona scowls, digging his hands into his pockets. If he sees everyone else in the hallway giving him a wide berth he doesn’t show it, his vision laser focused on Savanclaw’s dorm, his room, his bed, where he can sleep and ignore his reality for a little while longer.
The reality that you were so clearly avoiding him, the reality that you probably didn’t want him anymore, the reality that he was finally number one to someone and now he wasn’t.
Leona was once again second, but when there were only two people in a competition, second was the same as dead last.
Aka how would Ruggie react to a mtf!yuu and ftm!yuu
(This keeps coming to me in dreams)
🐾 Ruggie Bucchi with a MTF!Yuu
At first, Ruggie doesn’t even blink when Yuu comes out as a trans woman. He’s from the Wild Savannah, a place with deeply ingrained social structures, sure—but he’s also incredibly adaptable, observant, and street-smart. His immediate reaction? A grin and a shrug.
“Eh? That so? Cool, good for ya, Yuu.”
But internally?
Ruggie definitely has a knee-jerk hyena instinct moment.
Like, his brain short-circuits just a bit. Something ancient and primal in his hyena-coded instincts goes:
"Oh. Dominant female. Respect immediately."
Even if logically he knows Yuu wasn’t born with the physical traits associated with Wild Savannah females, the second she claims that identity—his instincts click into place. His tail would tuck between his legs.
He doesn't fear her like she’ll hurt him—but it’s this weird mix of:
admiration,
caution,
and a little submissiveness.
He starts calling her "Boss" half-jokingly, but also half-seriously. Like:
“Heh, remind me not to get on your bad side, Boss Lady.”
He absolutely respects her transition and identity, never misgenders or deadnames. He’s too sharp to make that kind of mistake—and he hates when others do. He might even go out of his way to “correct” someone in a passive-aggressive Ruggie way:
“Ohhh, ya meant her. You know—Yuu. Use your words right, yeah?”
Ruggie also probably gets weirdly defensive if someone tries to undermine her femininity.
He’s not one to throw hands unless money’s involved, but he’ll get right up in someone’s face if they say anything disrespectful. Especially if it triggers that Savannah-born instinct that says, “You do not mess with a female.”
If they're close or dating? He spoils her so hard—but lowkey. Steals snacks she likes. Calls her “princess” in that teasing-but-means-it way. Lets her borrow his jacket. Always offers his arm when walking through crowds.
And behind closed doors, he tells her:
“Ya know, you don’t gotta prove nothin’. You are who you say you are. That’s more than enough.”
🐾 Ruggie Bucchi with a FTM!Yuu (trans)
At first, Ruggie’s reaction is super casual. You tell him you’re a guy, and he just nods with a lazy grin.
“Aight, cool. Thanks for tellin’ me, dude.”
But internally?
Oh, boy. His Wild Savannah brain is reconfiguring itself like a whole operating system update just happened.
Because in his homeland? You were born with the body that usually meant "intimidating," "dominant," or "don’t mess with." So when you step forward and go, "Nah—I’m a guy," something ancient in his instincts gets reversed.
That little hyena instinct that usually flinches around dominant females?
Now it’s like:
“OH—HE’S a guy. A guy who was born in a female-coded body and still carries that presence? That’s terrifying. I love him.”
There’s this weird subconscious respect/fear combo, and you better believe he starts treating you like someone who could kick his ass—even if you’re not threatening at all.
He might say stuff like:
“Jeez, you’re kinda scary, huh? Not like, bad-scary—just, y’know... cool-scary.”
But like, respectfully.
Once the dust settles in his brain, he genuinely supports you. Ruggie knows what it’s like to fight for space, for respect, and for survival. So when he realizes you’re walking your own path, being your true self no matter what? He respects the hell out of that.
He’ll defend you if anyone misgenders you:
“Uh—he said no pickles on the sandwich, yeah? Get it right.”
He becomes your little gremlin guard dog. Not in a loud way—just in the “he will use is UM and make them trip and say it was an accident” kind of way.
If you’re dating? Ohhh boy, he’s SO proud of you. You might find him subtly hyping you up all the time.
“Look at you, handsome. You’re gonna give me a complex if you keep lookin’ this good.”
He’s the type to toss you his hoodie and then blush because you look more masc than him wearing it.
Also: he absolutely brags about you when no one’s around.
“Yuu? Oh yeah, he’s a badass. You don’t wanna mess with him. He’ll take you down and correct your grammar while he’s at it.”
hellooo may I please have a ftm reader (I don't think you had any rules against gender in the rules or if you feel uncomfortable writing that please let me know im very sorry) causally dropping the fact that they used to be a girl to the 3rd years and their reaction to that.
(very self indulgent because I'm coming out today!!!)
A/n: it's okay to request gender stuff dw!!! I only do 4 characters so I just spun a wheel and chose 4 3rd years !! I'm sorry if this isn't up to standards 🥹 I don't write trans readers a lot, so I hope this is satisfactory 🙆♀️🙆♀️
Pairings; Idia Shroud x reader, Leona kingscholar x reader, Vil Schoenheit x reader, Lillia Vanrouge x reader
Idia didn't pick up on it at first
It happened while the two of you were playing some random game you guys found on whatever twisted wonderland's version of Steam is. It was a co-op, so you both were talking about random stuff while you foraged and fought together
Then you dropped the bombshell on him
He didn't catch it at all - that was until 3 minutes later when he was thinking about the response
you were so casual about it?? which yeah, but like woah, new info about you he didn't know?? He immediately started up a conversation about it, nothing judgemental, he was just genuinely curious and wanted to know more about his boyfriend
Lillia was just as casual about it as you were. Obviously if you're not freaking out about it, why should he? Besides, you're obviously much happier being a man than a woman, so he won't make a big deal of it
Doesnt mean he wasn't surprised though! but it didn't matter to him either way. You were still you, no??
If you talk to him about it, he'll listen and talk to you about it as well. If you're ever insecure about it, he brings you back up into an air of confidence.
Afterall, you're likely to look more like a man than he is, and he'll make sure to remind you of the fact if you ever worry about passing or not
Leona lowkey just didn't care. Not that he doesn't care about you or your past, it's just not something he sees as something to make a big deal of
he probably had an idea that you were, not because of your looks, but because you're more often than not in his room, sleeping in his bed, sharing his clothes
if you use binders, he was bound to see them at some point
If you call him out on his nonchalance, he'll grumble about how all that matters to him is what and who you are now, he doesn't care about past stuff
if you're casual about it, so is he. Afterall, you're still his herbivore no matter your gender, why should he care about terms??
Vil Schoenheit was the most curious out of all them here (well actually second most compared to Idia, which.. how are you supposed to compete with a guy who will literally put all info of you in a database just so he can keep track)
You were casual about it and so was he. surprised? yes, he hadn't a clue
If you're uncomfortable with makeup being on you due to this, he won't push you to do it like he does epel or rook, he'll let you be. you being comfortable matters to him more than beauty (shocker)
if not, he won't treat you any different than he has all along. Afterall, you're still just a man to him, it doesn't matter who you were in the past
he will definitely design clothes with a binding in them just for you, that way you don't have to go through the effort and can just put on whatever outfit he gave you
hello hi . Hi. I need, Need MUNCHHHH CLOUDFFFDFFDDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pleqse please pleasw can i request a small blurb a one shot whatever its best for u EVEN HEADCANON EVERYTHING ILL TAKE EVERYTHING AND TREASURE IT FOREVER of Clouf. Eating #IT like CRAZYTYG like a starved man all sloppy and messy because hes inexperienced and Insanely into it. Ur last cloud post made me insane !!!!
Is this too much……. i hope not </333 IF IT IS IGNORE IT AND DONT WORRY
u are so right #needthat coming right up cutie nonnie <3
•
He A Sweetie, Kiss It When He Eat It
summary: having a ‘one-sided’ crush on Cloud is not for the faint of heart.
warnings: 18+ mdni, BIG FYI/DISCLAIMER timeline of events canon divergent, like almost completely unrelated to original story, ambiguous unspecified timeline, in my world aerith has many adventures with everyone before the…incident, sexual content, cursing, munch!cloud, miscommunication, slight angst
pairings: cloud strife x reader
a/n: pls enjoy, it’s taken me a while to feel well enough/cognitive enough to write bc I’ve been so exhausted! My requests are still open and I am so excited to write for more of you!!
•
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ Cloud isn’t a man of very many words. At least not for a while.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ under the right circumstances one could have him chatting up a storm.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ Whether it be about combat, an interesting fact, or just something he’s taken an interest in; if someone brought it up-he would start gabbing away.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ around you, he would freeze up though. Every time without fail, he couldn’t find a word to say to you.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ it wasn’t like he was terribly awkward with women, either. As long as he felt a sense of camaraderie and trust; he had his ways of showing affection.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ with Tifa, he was shy smiles, submissive protests, quiet yet playful jabs (they were the picture perfect representation of natural chemistry)
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ with Aerith, he held her intimately close to voice his concerns, comforted her when he noticed she was in distress, they shared even quieter secrets
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ with Yuffie, they would bicker just like siblings, laugh and joke around a little at the best and worst of times, he would even give her a soft scolding here and there
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ with you, nothing almost every time. Not the slightest crack of a smile, he hardly ever initiated conversation with you, his responses to your questions would be clipped and tense (things often felt awkward)
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ It was hard, but you learned not to take it personally. You weren’t exactly the friendliest person alive, you could handle a cold shoulder. You were happy with the occasional word and passing on of orders
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ you just thought…because you were part of the same team, had the same friends, shared the same moments that maybe
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ just maybe
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ he’d open up to you at least a little bit, maybe even crack a little smile or snort
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ it’s not like you expected to be the best of buds, but you were comrades
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ spilled the same blood, fought for the same cause, his enemies were yours
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ sure you weren’t as skilled as the others. They mainly relied on you for your book smarts, sneaking around, a quick fix out of a tense situation
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ you weren’t much for fighting, and often relied on snakelike ways to make your escape for the sake of self preservation.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ Everyone agreed that you’d just slow them down if you engaged in any close combat. Plus, they could more than handle themselves with all of their combined experience (and muscle), the safest thing for you would be to make a clean break.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ you thought maybe Cloud didn’t engage with you the way he did with the others because of buried resentment. Maybe he thought you weren’t useful, didn’t risk enough for the team or the planet.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ Thoughts of self doubt, as well as not being good enough for the team often filled your head. They kept you up at night, which in turn made you work harder than usual the next few days without fail.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ your exhaustion began to show on your face, a tepid expression that held drawn-in wrinkled brows, a worried and sore bottom lip, and tense defensive shoulders. Your glasses could hardly hide your dark circles.
⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ you appeared so disheveled and unapproachable one day, the girls had to take you aside on a quiet weekend morning.
“Is everything alright?” Aerith began, she led you to a couch in the back of a cheap, shady motel room they’d rented for a few days on a particularly lengthy outing. Your absent gaze met her own worried one, and you huffed out an unamused chuckle.
“I just haven’t been getting very much sleep lately.” You admitted, yet you kept the fact that it was because of a particular blond to yourself. You really didn’t want to be so dramatic about everything, but the anxiety of it all had you completely on edge.
Earlier in the morning, you saw him high five the team, (which was already rare, coming from him) after defeating a rather difficult enemy. You’d even stepped in, worried about everyone, and threw some crates as a distraction. Despite your extra effort, rather than touch you, he nodded his head in your general direction. And that was that.
Sure, it warmed you inside that he actually acknowledged you for once. Yet as the day dragged on you couldn’t help but let the fact that he didn’t want to touch you eat you up inside. Perhaps you gave off an odd smell, so he didn’t want to come close? Maybe he wasn’t fond of how grimy you always became after your escapades. All in all, you just felt defeated more than anything.
Your secret crush on him didn’t make anything better. Every word he said, you held onto like a vice. Every look he’d afford someone else, you chased. Every time he ignored you, you internalized it.
With a heavy sigh you took your glasses off. Your fingers rubbed your eyes, and then your temples.
“I probably just need some time to myself.” The girls looked at you, then at each other. It was written all over your face that you were sulking because of Cloud.
“Is it Cloud?” Jessie prodded, sitting next to you and laying her hand on your shoulder. “Y’know, I wouldn’t take that stuff to heart. He’s a big softie, I’m sure he’ll come around.”
There was a frustrated red tint that bloomed across your cheeks, and you abruptly stood up. “To you all maybe! You’ve been saying that for months now! I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong. I know I’m not good at combat like you guys are, I know I don’t bring a lot to the table, but I’m trying for fuck’s sake! At this point, I’m just done with it. He can do or not do whatever he wants. It’s childish of me to even want something like attention from Cloud fucking Strife. I feel slimy just thinking about pouting over this bullshit, I’m not a child!” Steam practically shot out of your ears, your face reddened with embarrassment at your outburst. You hated the sympathetic looks they all gave you in unison, you hated the nods as if they understood you. But most of all you hated that you couldn’t let it go, even if you shouted from the rooftops that you were done with holding out hope for Cloud. With an exasperated sigh, mainly in defeat, you brought your glasses back to your face. Carefully slid them in place, then opened your mouth. “I need some air, I’ll be fine.” As you pushed past your concerned friends and out of the seedy motel room, you let your lungs fully take in the outside air.
The smell was less than inviting, but at least there was a beach not too far away. A gentle breeze welcomed you on your trek to the deserted sandy shoreline. It was cool, comforting, and calming for your complicated emotions. You wished the raging sea inside of your heart was still and peaceful like the salty water before you. The feeling of dread that followed you. The anxiety that held space in the back of your mind. The fear that you weren’t good enough for your team. You were sick of it all.
And damn it, you were sick of Cloud’s constant rejection. Whatever calm you briefly felt, the further you walked along the quiet shoreline, the angrier you became.
In a small fit of rage, you kicked a pebble to the side and into the water next to you. You came across a beautiful, pearlescent shell, and crouched down to pick it up. You examined it, gripped it tightly, and lifted your arm to throw it into the water next. As your trembling fingers clutched it in the air, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.
It was so beautiful, a fantastical shimmering blue that reminded you of Cloud’s captivating eyes. With a heavy sigh, you sat down, fully and brought your knees close to your chest, but still held the conch in the air. You wanted to throw it so bad, you were so tempted to. You just couldn’t, though. Your bottom lip trembled, because at the end of the day.
You weren’t tired of him. You could never be.
“Hey.” A slightly hesitant yet monotone voice called out to you in the dark of the night.
Your arm froze in place before you could bring it back down to you. Your entire body tensed up, because of course you recognized who it was. A warm fluttering began to patter in the pit of your stomach. You willed the butterflies away as best as you could, but that didn’t stop the heat that rose to your cheeks in their place. Your heart rattled inside of its cage, in fear or excitement, you weren’t quite sure.
There was rustling behind you, a shift in the sand as he took sure steps towards you. He approached you with not an ounce of hesitation. If you would just look behind you then maybe you’d see the determination painted across his usual scowl. He didn’t wait for a response, or acknowledgement; he knew that you heard him.
You brought your arm down slowly, and clutched the pretty shell to your chest. Your heart listened to the sea trapped inside of the conch, as your ears listened to Cloud get closer and closer. He didn’t mind that you weren’t turning towards him, he knew that whatever was about to happen would be entirely up to his next actions.
“I uh,” he stood beside you finally, and lowered himself to sit on the cold patch of sand next to you. You didn’t dare to look at him, because this was the closest he’d ever brought himself to you, and you didn’t want to mess anything up in case you were dreaming. The wind blew, and you could smell something so undeniably him mixed in with the salt in the water before the both of you. “It’s cold out tonight. You didn’t bring a jacket.”
“I don’t get cold very easily.” You replied, kicking yourself for even entertaining whatever it is he was trying to do. There was a brief pause, like he was contemplating something, before you felt warmth drape over your shoulders. It was a small, soft blanket that he’d brought with him from the motel. You looked at him then, and instantly regretted it.
His eyes were captivating, so dazzling that all of your anger melted away as you got lost in them. The heavy emotion wasn’t replaced by anything, the only thing it made room for was the sadness and longing that already occupied that same space. Your lip wobbled then, he stared at it as it did, then opened his mouth again.
“I think you’re important to the team.” That took your by surprise, and you stared at him in bewilderment as he continued, “You’re valuable in a lot of ways, I’m not good with words; but I know you work your ass off to pull your own weight. I didn’t realize that I came off as a dick this whole time.”
“Did Aerith or Tifa say something-”
“No, I heard you. I came by, to talk to you, and I heard you yelling.”
“I was yelling? Oh, jeez.” You sighed and knocked your forehead onto your knees. “Cloud, forget I said any of that. I didn’t mean for you to hear it.”
“I’m glad I heard it. I don’t like that I made you feel like shit.” He wished he could take a picture of you, or a video, because when your head turned to face him as it rested against your knees; he swore he saw a million stars. Swore that entire galaxies had to be held inside of those big, brilliant orbs, they were breathtakingly beautiful. This was why he couldn’t be around you, he felt like such an idiot. Couldn’t find the right words to say to you. In that moment though, he knew he couldn’t run from you. “And uh, good job with that distraction…earlier.”
“What are you playing at, Strife? Why are you out here? Why are you talking to me?” The tremble in your voice, the way your eyes were glossy with unshed tears, he wanted to reach out to you. Comfort you in any way he could.
“I’m a cowardly bastard that thought if I kept you at a distance, I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. I was wrong, I’m sorry.”
“What does that even mean?!” You felt more than frustrated as you watched him try to explain himself, the only thing that kept you sane was the tide that occasionally splashed against your covered feet.
“It means that I don’t know how to act when you’re around.”
“But why?”
“Fuck if I know!” You’d never heard him raise his voice like that, it took you by momentary surprise. You blinked at him owlishly, as warmth pooled in your stomach once more. Rather than those same butterflies, they were replaced by ticklish tingling that made your thighs clench together.
“Cloud, use your words. What could I have possibly done, to make you want to avoid me? Why do you avoid me? Do I smell bad? Am I ugly? I didn’t think you were so vain-”
“You’re beautiful! You don’t smell bad! I don’t know what this feeling is, I just.” It’s his turn to sigh, rub his eyes, and then stare off into the open water. “I think you make me nervous.”
“I…make you nervous?” You laughed, in complete disbelief. “Cloud, that’s ridiculous. How could I possibly make you nervous?”
“You’re just gonna gloss over the fact that I think you’re beautiful?”
“Is that what makes you nervous?”
“It could be.”
“Tell me, Cloud. Be honest with me.” You set the shell that had been held tight against your chest onto the ground next to you, and placed your hands at your sides. The noise from the tide flowing in and out calmed you finally, which gave you the confidence to say what you said next. “Does the idea of touching me repulse you? Do you hate working with me? It’s not that you’ve been a dick to me, but your cold attitude hurts Cloud. I think I’d rather you tell me off, and actually be mean to me than ignore me for months on end.”
“Nothin’ about you grosses me out. I just, I freeze up when you’re around. Figured, if you didn’t have expectations, didn’t seem to care, then I might as well just keep doin’ what I’ve been doin’. I didn’t think you’d take it personally. I didn’t even think you’d notice.”
“That’s such bullshit Cloud, there has to be something else going on. There has to be more to it.”
You didn’t realize it, not until he opened his mouth to speak again, that you were gradually moving closer as moments passed between the two of you. Both of you seemed to tune out everything around you, the sound of the waves, the fact that you were alone on that beach. You especially seemed to forget that you were hopelessly in love with the cold man before you. You were alone, in a secluded spot, with your unrequited love, having an actual conversation with him. Heated words, at that. As if time started again at the realization, your heart began to beat faster.
“I uh,” there he went again, with that little bit of hesitation from earlier, and you couldn’t stop your hand. It practically had a mind of its own as you reached out towards him, and carefully rubbed his shoulder in encouragement. “I think I have…feelings? For you?”
Your breath caught in your throat as he admired it, yet you couldn’t quite believe those words as they tripped out of his unsure mouth. Yeah, right. It’s not like you wanted to laugh at him, but you couldn’t help the unamused little snort that left you, he was just so clearly confused.
“Cloud, you don’t have to lie to me.”
“I’m not lyin’. When have I ever lied to any o’ you.” He didn’t sound angry, there was a solemnity that clung to his voice. A sincerity that was just so Cloud. “I didn’t realize my feelings until Jessie pointed it out a couple days ago. That’s why I went to your room tonight, I wanted to talk about it. ‘M not used to this kind of thing, but I figured that I could at least talk to you about it.”
“And that’s when you heard me?”
“Yeah.”
“Cloud I,” you squeezed his shoulder then, and smiled at him warmly. The hurt inside of you was still there, but you hoped he could make it up to you now that he was realizing his feelings. “I don’t really know what to say. I’ve liked you for a while, but being ignored hurt me.”
“How can I make it up to you?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe start with giving me a high five?” You took your hand away from his shoulder, and held it in front of you. Your manicured fingers wiggled in place as you waited for him to follow through, but it was half-hearted in case he really didn’t want to touch you.
His lips quirked just a bit as he lightly tapped his palm against yours, and you decided then that you could afford to be a little bold. He took the small step towards the skinship you’d been craving, it’d be fine if you clasped your fingers together. Right? So you did; weaved your small hand into his larger one, and then admired it as if you couldn’t believe that he let you do that.
“You really like me?” You asked, unsure if you should even bring it up for fear of him taking it back.
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Why ‘definitely’, when you weren’t sure earlier?”
“Dunno, I just know now. I like holding your hand.”
“Wanna hug?” Rather than answer you, he pulled you closer by your clasped hands, until you were practically touching noses with him. He let go of you, just to snake his arms around your middle and pull you flush against him. It felt heavenly, his firm yet somehow still soft, warm body against yours. You didn’t hesitate to wrap your arms around him, place your knees on either side of his hips, and bury your head into the juncture between his neck and shoulder. You fit like puzzle pieces. He nuzzled his face into your hair, and you sighed in contentment.
It didn’t do much to take away the ache that’d been trapped inside of you for months now, but it was certainly beginning to at least heal your doubts. There were birds that circled the sky, they chirped as they danced around each other. The conch that you desperately wanted to throw into the water, laid forgotten nearby.
You drew yourself back, just to look into those pretty mako-infused baby blues. He was so pretty, would he let you kiss him?
Almost like he could read your mind, he drew his face closer to yours. Your breaths mingled, your noises brushed against each other, and you licked your lips in anticipation. Finally, as you closed your eyes simultaneously, your lips locked in a sweet kiss. It was a tiny peck, but you’d remember it forever. The way that sparks practically flew behind your eyes. The way your fingers carded through his soft unruly hair. The way you gasped just slightly like you still couldn’t believe what was happening as it was happening. It was almost too much at once. Still, you deepened the kiss, tilted your head to the side as you moved your lips against his.
It was supposed to be something small, at least that’s what you told yourself, but it quickly began to heat up with every passing moment in his arms. You felt glued to each other, if one of you moved away the other followed in that same direction. All of your pent up desire for him poured into that kiss. His confused and clumsily inexperienced nature drove you further and further together. Your chest was pressed into him, your hands traveled from his hair just to wrap themselves around his shoulders and hold him in place.
The sound of the mesmerizing water was drowned out by soft noises and heavy panting. Each time you drew yourself away for a breath, he’d bring you back in for another intense kiss after a beat. It was almost sickening, how addicted you were becoming to just the sensation of his lips on yours.
All good things must come to an end, though. Because just as his hands wandered from your waist, and began to nervously explore the inside of your shirt. Just the brush of his gloved fingertips on your tummy, nothing too crazy. There was then the sound of hurried footsteps approaching and hushed yet tense whispering voices that followed them. You broke up, not that you wanted to; but you couldn’t let anyone see you like this. Out of respect for him, out of your own pride, and just because you didn’t even fully know what had just happened. How could you possibly explain that to anyone?
Your reluctance to let him go had him pulling you back just to kiss you one more time. All of the heat that was once there had dwindled into just a faint warm brush of his lips. His forehead knocked against yours as a frustrated and reluctant sigh escaped your bruised lips. The two of you finally pulled away, and sat next to each other like you hadn’t been sucking the soul from each other’s mouths. Just in time for your gaggle of girls to find the two of you.
You with that pretty blue conch as you twiddled with it in your hands, knees pulled to your chest just as before. Him with his legs kicked out, one hand suspiciously close to you, the other picking at something in the sand as he looked down at it. An awkward cough that he really didn’t mean to do brought a hesitant, breathless laugh up from your ticklish stomach.
“W-what’s so funny?” Aerith asked, as she finally approached the both of you. Tifa, Jessie, and Yuffie followed suit as the curious girl carefully eyed your appearance. It was clear to her that there was a shift in the once tense air between you. That something had happened in the short twenty minutes they’d left you alone. Cloud’s hair was mussed up just the slightest bit, there was sand on your reddened knees, and you were suspiciously out of breath. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but she prided herself in being extremely observant. She kept whatever she found to herself, feeling like she’d struck gold and wanted to keep it a secret just a little longer.
“Nothing, Cloud told me a joke before you guys showed up.” You replied, your voice was airy and dreamy. Nothing like they’d ever heard in his presence. Since when did either of you talk to one another? Jessie snorted like she couldn’t believe it, Cloud was hardly a comic.
“I’d like to hear this ‘joke’. Must’ve been a good one if it got you out of the dumps.” Jessie teased, she settled herself beside you, and rested her head on your shoulder as she wrapped her arms around your frame. She peaked over at Cloud, who was quieter than usual. His own dreamlike state not lost on her, she just couldn’t quite put her finger on why he was like that.
“It ain’t as funny if I gotta tell it twice.”
Tifa spotted the blanket that Cloud had brought out for you, discarded a small ways away. Crumpled, covered in sand.
“It’s quite chilly out, now. Why don’t we all head back, and get some shut eye? We have a lot of ground to cover tomorrow, we should all rest while we can.” She suggested, easily brushing off whatever suspicions she had in favor of making sure all of you got some proper sleep. Especially after the hectic day they’d already had.
Aerith piped up, “Yeah, let’s head back, I have some snacks we can share before bed!”
Just like that was all anyone needed to hear to get moving, everyone got up, dusted themselves off, and made their way back to the motel for the night. Neither you nor Cloud uttered a word to each other, or even spared a passing glance. Content with how things ended.
•
Or at least you were content, until you were tossing and turning in your uncomfortable bed. Lying awake, staring up at the ceiling as Aerith slept soundly beside you, without a single care. You wanted to talk to Cloud, thoughts of the nights previous events painted itself when you’d close your eyes. Just as you’d think you were finally going to get some rest, you’d remember the feeling of your body firmly pressed against his. Your lips sealed yet moving fluidly together. What would it be like if your tongues intermingled? If he’d kept his slow ascent up your shirt? If you applied just the tiniest bit of friction down below?
Your tossing and turning caused Aerith to shift in her sleep, and she groggily blinked as she turned to face you.
“Can’t sleep?”
“That would appear to be the case.” you sounded guilty, even though you weren’t even sure of what.
“A certain bird-brain on your mind?”
“Uh-”
“Why don’t ya go talk to ‘im?” She took the chance to scoot closer to you, your eyes widened as she clasped her hands around yours. Although she’d already been whispering, she somehow made her voice even smaller. She sounded as if she was scheming something. “Y’know he has his own room.”
“Aerith!” You whisper shouted, horrified at what she could be implying. “I-I don’t think I should go talk to him. We’ve hardly spoken this whole time, what could I possibly have to say to him?”
“You could talk about what happened at the beach.”
“Nothing happened at the beach.”
“You’re a terrible liar.” She smiled at you, then shifted to take a quick look around the dark motel room. On the other bed; Tifa and Yuffie slept soundly, across from your bed; Jessie lightly snored away on the couch. Arm rested on her stomach, legs kicked up and across it. “You should sneak out before anyone else wakes up. I won’t snitch on you.” As if to prove her point, she mimed zipping her lips, locking them, and throwing away the key. “It’s about time you guys kissed and made up.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea? I don’t want to make things awkward.”
“They were awkward before, I’m sure they’ll be awkward after. But don’t you wanna try to understand each other? It’s better to live with a little heartbreak than to not have taken that chance at all, right?”
You stared at her, then. Beautiful, soft, kind emerald green eyes that were filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite place. Truthfully, you wanted to see Cloud. Being around him was addicting in a sense. Even if he didn’t spare you a passing glance, you kept going back for more. Kept doing things to get him to notice you. Had you even properly told him off for that? Had you even painted a proper picture of everything that you’d been feeling since the moment you met him?
“What if he regrets what…happened? He’s had time to think.”
“Well, do you regret it?”
“Of course not!” Your voice rose in pitch at that, which caused Jessie to groan and turn over. Her back was facing you, but that didn’t stop the hammering in your heart. Your wide eyes stunned into place as you waited for her body to relax and her breathing to run even again. What were you even trying to hide? Why would it matter if any of them woke up? You were an adult, why did you feel so ashamed of everything?
“Then, regardless of how he feels, I’m sure it’ll all work out.”
Those words calmed your nerves just the littlest bit but it was enough, and you nodded your head assuredly. You felt a slight determination, and you quietly hyped yourself up as you carefully got up and out of the room. Aerith quietly cheered for you as you left. Her whispered woo’s and go get him brought a smile to your face while you closed the door behind you a quiet don’t be out too late followed you outside.
His room number was 20, on the floor directly above where you were staying.
Before you walked up the steps, you hopped in place and shook your hands at your sides to get the nerves out. “You can do this. You’re a smart, capable, attractive person. You got this.” Right as you were about to take a step forward and up the steps, you heard movement behind you.
“What are you doing?” That same cool and collected voice from earlier called out to you.
“C-Cloud!” You whipped around in surprise, and mortification. Had he heard all of that?
“‘S late, what are you doing out here?”
“I was gonna come…see you.” You admitted, with your head bent low and your voice hushed.
“Why?” He took a step closer, then another when you didn’t answer right away. “Everything alright?”
“I just missed you.” Your eyes widened at your slip up, you’d meant to say, “I mean! I mean I wanted to talk, about some stuff.” He acted like he didn’t hear that first part, and brushed past you.
“Okay.” Cloud made a vague motion to follow him, flicking his hand in the direction he was going in. You followed him up the steps, your heart began to beat rapidly the closer you got to his room. He smelled like he’d just showered, and while you looked at his back, your eyes trailing slowly up his figure; you took notice of his dampened shirt. The little droplets in his hair.
“What were you doing out?”
“Needed some air.”
“You could get sick, coming out here with wet hair.”
“It’s hot in my room. Was only out here a couple o’ minutes.”
You finally reached his room, he fumbled with the beaten up keycard before scanning it and opening his door for you. His expression was scarily blank, his steps were evenly paced behind you. You didn’t know if this was such a good idea anymore, but it was too late to worry about all of that now. How could you go back when you were finally seated on the edge of his bed? Having an impromptu stare down with him. Neither of you looked away from the other, even as minutes stretched by and no one said a word.
It was time to put your big girl panties on.
“I’ve liked you, since the moment I laid eyes on you. And grew to like you even more the longer I spent time with you. Despite your lack of enthusiasm to be around me, my weak heart just couldn’t help itself.”
“Listen, I-” you held your hand up, and shook your head before he could say anything. You had to get some things out, he could say his piece later.
“I really really like you, and it really really hurts me that you treated me so coldly because you didn’t know how to deal with your mutual attraction. It’s honestly super fucked up, the fact that I had to see you be chummy with literally anyone else but me.” Your voice trembled as you tried to keep the same confidence you came in with moving. But it was so hard when he looked like a kicked puppy as you continued to speak. “My brain is a mess right now, I don’t know if I believe you when you say you have feelings for me. But I’ll take your word for it. I know we k-kissed, but anything can happen in the heat of the moment. It will take a little while for me to fully trust you.”
“I understand.” There was a pause between you, rather than uncomfortable you felt your nerves finally calming down. Cloud took that moment to move from his spot against the wall across from you and take up a seat next to you on the bed. His body was rigid when he took his gloves off his motions were borderline robotic. He turned his head to face you, his puppy-like eyes instantly melted your heart. “I meant what I said, but I’ll do what I can to prove myself.”
“It isn’t about proving anything, I just want us to establish a solid line of trust. I want us to work on our honesty, and communication. I have to be every bit as involved in all of this as you do. If you even want to try anything with me.”
“What exactly would we try?”
“I don’t know, Cloud.” You sighed and took your glasses off to rub at your eyes. You weren’t frustrated you were just so mentally exhausted at that point that, and you felt your body finally succumbing to that same exhaustion. “We could try being friends?”
“I dunno if I can be friends with you after making out like that.”
“So you want to be my boyfriend or something?”
“Would you want that?”
“Maybe eventually.”
“Well, what’s a step below boyfriend and a step above friend?”
“I’m not sure there’s a word for that. But I’d be fine with something like that if you are.”
Cloud took a moment to contemplate your response. He wasn’t weighing his options, he didn’t actually have to think too hard about what he wanted. This situation was just something he wasn’t used to. Sure he got hit on quite a lot, maybe he had a few people that he could’ve been interested in had his life went in a different direction. There were hardly opportunities to date when you lived as a full time merc and a part time ‘eco-terrorist’. He knew that he would be alright with whatever you wanted, even if things went unlabeled or unspecified for a while. It’s not like he was itching for commitment, he just wanted to try things out with you at least. He figured it’d be nice to get to know you. Learn your likes and dislikes.
“Alright, why don’t we just see where things go? Nothin’ crazy, no pressure.”
“No strings?”
“Let’s not get too crazy.” You cracked a smile at that, finally feeling the tension in your shoulders dissipate as you worked things out with him. He honestly seemed pretty enthusiastic about whatever arrangement you’d come up with, even with all of its ambiguity. “And about what happened on the beach.”
“Cloud-”
“Stuff like that doesn’t need to be a thing, I wouldn’t wanna make you uncomfortable or upset you.”
“What if…I want us to do more of that? What if I liked it?”
“Yeah?” He leaned in, curious about the growing heat in your cheeks. It gave you whiplash with how the air could shift at the drop of a hat between you two. One moment, you’re having a serious conversation, the next you’re leaning in close with bated breaths and a longing stare. Was this how it would always be with Cloud?
Your life consisted of being able to predict things. You prided yourself in how capable you were at gauging the situation and responding accordingly. You couldn’t count the number of times you’d pulled everyone out of a sticky situation within a few short moments. You relied on numbers, facts, and your vast knowledge to get you by.
Cloud on the other hand? He was not something you could read. You couldn’t predict his next move, ever. That’s partially why you admired him so much. He relied on pure instinct and determination. He was sure of his skills, knew his limitations, but didn’t let things stop him or slow him down. Above all, he was extremely kind. To a fault, even.
This Cloud, the one before you, you didn’t recognize him. The way he looked at you made warmth bloom throughout your body. He was so close, you weren’t used to him being within your proximity. You weren’t used to watching the mako swirl in his eyes. You could count the freckles that scattered across his cheeks. His breath fanned across your face as he got closer to you. You found yourself welcoming the way he caged you in as you leaned back against the motel mattress.
He climbed over you, his shoulders were catlike as he peered down at you with a curious glint in his eyes.
“Yeah. We can do that, it’s a good way to get to know each other.”
“If you say so.”
“Y’gonna kiss me, Strife?”
“If you ask nicely.”
Your brows wrinkled, a bratty little pout began to form on your lips. “You’ve got me fucked up if you think I’m gon-”
Your eyes widened by surprise when he took those same pouting lips into a hungry kiss. It was clumsy, your teeth knocked together, but you returned it just as fiercely. Tried to match whatever tempo he was thinking up on the spot. Your nimble fingers found their way into his soft hair and you tugged at it gently. Your nails teasingly scraped at his scalp and he made a noise in the back of his throat.
It was slightly strangled which caused your thighs to clench together. Was this really happening? Were you actually making out with Cloud Strife again? He so clearly enjoyed being on top of you. You could tell by the way his hands trailed your ticklish sides and his ears burned in desperation and desire.
You tapped his shoulder when you felt his gloved hands creep under your shirt and graze the soft skin of your tummy. He pulled away, just enough for your noses to still be touching and his eyes peered at yours curiously.
“Take those off.” You pointed at the gloves that were held guiltily under your top, and he wasted no time to chuck them off and throw them behind him. You smiled then pulled him down for another heated kiss, this one deeper and sloppier. A string of saliva kept you connected when you’d pull away for air just to reel the both of you back in for more.
Your head was spinning in that dark, quiet room. Quiet save for the heavy panting and occasional noise that bubbled itself up from your lips every so often. There was shuffling outside of your door, people came and went from the outside of the motel. You were both too stuck in your own world to recognize anything going on. The building could catch fire and neither of you would notice.
Instead, you focused on his surprisingly soft yet calloused hands as they smoothed over your bare breasts under your comfortable top. While one curiously explored your chest, the other trailed down to squeeze at your thigh. Just to slide its way under your knee and hike your leg over his hip. Your bodies stuck together, his pelvis met your own and you sucked in a sharp breath at the contact. Something that could’ve been considered sweet and intimate naturally evolved into dirty grinding.
Cloud hadn’t done anything like this before, but considering his military background he’d heard enough locker room and barracks speak to know what goes on. The intimacy between two partners, man and woman or what have you; he’d heard countless gruesome recounting. Heard all of the nasty details, the experimentation, just how good it could feel if you had the right partner.
Not that he was ever that curious about all of that.
Not until he had you under him. Would you let him touch you like that? Would you want to experience more with him? If he thought of it hard enough, he was sure he could picture how delicious your reaction would be if he took it further. The way your cheeks would heat up. Your brows would pinch together. Your breath would turn even more ragged, even more unkempt. What would you do if his hands snuck their way towards your warm slick center-
You clenched your thighs around his hips as you felt his fingers lightly trace your covered sensitivity. Had he realized what he was even doing? With reluctance you pulled yourself away, desperately needing to see his face. You needed to see what expression he was making, ask him if he knew what he was about to get himself into. (If he pressed all the right buttons, the answer would be you.)
Your eyes widened when you saw just how dazed he appeared, your trembling lips were desperate to pull him back in and kiss him senselessly. He just looked so handsome, making a face you’d never seen before.
“This alright?” He asked, breathless as he continued to tickle that special place and simultaneously grind himself against it. He was out of his mind, he didn’t know what he was saying, or even what he was doing, but he couldn’t stop the words as they spilled from his lips. “Want me t’ touch you here?”
“Do you want to touch me?”
He looked at you then like you’d grown two heads. There you were, lips bruised, hair a mess, legs now spread. There he was, kiss bitten, drooling, rock hard. “Don’t be fuckin’ dense. Y’ want it or not?”
“Cloud,” you leaned further back just to bring your legs flush against the mattress, “I want it. Make a mess o’ me.”
“You’re in for it.”
For all the experience he lacked, he made up for in enthusiasm. His hands squeezed your thighs as he sat back, wanting to get a good look at the way you were laid out. Feel you for himself in a way he’d only dreamt of for the past months of knowing you. They were soft, plush, thick in his hands and he didn’t have to look to know he was so obviously hard. He glanced down, you were so wet that the grey shorts you were wearing darkened at the center. Dampened with your only growing arousal, desire painted itself across your half-lidded expression.
“Can I kiss it?”
You blinked at him, taken aback with his forward request. He sure didn’t beat around the bush.
“Y-yeah. Go for it.” He pulled your shorts down, around your ankles, before he finally slid them off. You watched his every move, your breath hitched when he grabbed your hips to pull you over his bent legs. He bent you at an angle that wasn’t too awkward or uncomfortable. Just enough for him to lift you the way he needed to. Finally, he pushed your black (soaking) panties to the side, brought you up to his face, met you halfway; and kissed your weeping flower.
Cloud had never had a pussy in his face before. As he continued to plant light kisses with a sprinkle of some deeper ones against yours; he quickly realized he’d been missing out. You tasted sweet (you quietly thanked your morning self for having a big bowl of fruit for breakfast) and a little bitter. Your arousal was thick, slippery, and a string of it followed his mouth when he’d pull away. All in all you’d never been so turned on, you quite liked the way he looked between your thighs.
“C-Cloud, ‘nuff o’ that, quit teasing me. Lick it, please.” Your breathy tone made his hips stutter against nothing, his grip tightened around your legs where he held you up. Your heavy breathing gradually filled the room, and a desperate cry broke free from your throat when he indulged your request.
Tasting you fully, swiping the thick pad of his tongue flat against you? He about died and went to heaven. His movements were slow at first, tasting you with a newfound curiosity. The way he slowly and experimentally explored your precious area made your breathing turn ragged. Up and down, top to bottom, slowly and deliberately. You couldn’t tell if he had come up for air even once, but you weren’t about to interrupt him. He could handle himself. (Admittedly if he died right there it’d be the only way he wanted to go, suffocated by your delicious dripping pussy.)
He decided that he could pick up the pace, he was unsatisfied with the lack of noise that came from you. Although it wasn’t because he wasn’t doing a good job, because it felt amazing; you were just insecure in the moment. Had enough headspace to cover your mouth and control whatever noises that practically begged to come out. He wanted to change that, needed to hear you to know that he was doing well.
He lowered your body, took note of the way your chest heaved and your face was flushed a deep rouge. He wanted to see you come undone, didn’t want it to just feel good, needed it to be better for you. You looked at him in confusion, as you’d been getting worked up while the time ticked away in that small room. If he kept that pace up you were sure to cum in no time.
He tapped you, motioned with his hand for you to scoot up the bed. As you slid your body up the scratchy sheets, he took his shirt off, then his pants. His heavy clothes thudded against the floor as he threw them to the side, and you took that opportunity to toss your own shirt off. He had to stop his eyes from bulging out of their sockets when he realized what you’d done. He wasn’t prepared to see your bare chest on display.
You laid back again, legs spread, hair fanned out against the surprisingly soft pillow under your head. A picture of angelic beauty, now tangible beneath his wandering hands. Pliant as he began to work you up, nimble trained fingers that caressed your seething body with such care. A gentleness you weren’t prepared for.
His inexperience definitely shown through in the way he hesitantly and somewhat clumsily brushed his hands over your sensitive breasts. A soft and quiet noise finally made itself heard in the dark room. Music to his ears. Cloud noticed that your panties were still on. Even though you weren’t completely bare, it somehow made him more excited. You were desirable in every sense of the word. Cute, comfortable cheeky panties, soaking wet, he needed to kiss what they so diligently kept hidden.
“Cloud,” your voice was somewhat breathy and hushed, “please, keep going. Touch me more, feels good.”
“Alright.” He laid flat on his stomach, right between your legs. At an agonizingly slow pace he teased your panties off. It felt like an eternity had passed when he finally exposed you to the brisk air that filled the empty room. Cloud snaked his arms around your thighs, and then wasted no time getting right into it.
His nose bumped against you, you felt the grazing of his teeth. He clearly didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but he’d heard enough locker room chatter to have at least an idea. Cloud figured a good place to start would be where you were the wettest. Where your sweet syrup trickled out, his tongue snaked its way inside.
The sensation was odd, it wasn’t that it stung; but feeling such a foreign stretch from his tongue took a little getting used to. It felt good, caused little bumps to ripple through your body. Your heaving chest caught his attention once again, a pretty blush broke out across it. He reached up, gently teased one of your breasts, and you finally let out a high pitched mewl.
He paused, then applied a little more pressure, massaged it and then tweaked your nipple. When he noticed the way you squeezed your eyes shut and bit your lip, he switched to give the same attention to the other one. Your thighs quivered in place, as little noises continued to spill from your glossed lips. Tried as you might, as he quickened his pace against your dripping pussy; it felt too good and you couldn’t hold back your noises any longer.
“S-shit, ‘s good!” You slurred out, hardly registering the fact that your hands began to tug at his silky blond hair. They raked against his scalp, bringing his own noises out and against your sensitive arousal.
“Y’like it?”
“Fucking love it, don’t stop.” You mewled and your hips began to move with him. A gradual push and pull that never fully let him leave you aching for too long.
Cloud was always the type of man that preferred to lead with his actions, rather than words. He was more than happy to express his desire and affection for you, cushioned between your two lovely thighs. You smelled floral, like whatever soap or oils you used daily. Tasted sweet like the fruity confections you couldn’t help but indulge in whenever you’d pass by a bakery. You felt like velvety soft petals or the freshest pillowy pastry as you stayed wrapped around his head and mushed against his face. Pudding? Ice cream? A sweet doughy bun? He wracked his brain for what he could possibly compare you to, but it was just so distinct and unique that it could only be described as you. A flavor he wanted to monopolize as well as continue to explore.
He hoped he wasn’t being too rough with you, he knew he was holding onto you with a deathlike grip. Surely you’d be bruised around your thighs, it’d be disappointing that he couldn’t see you in a bikini for a while. You wouldn’t mind in the slightest, though. It was only a proper trade off for the best head you could possibly receive.
Cloud wasn’t too hasty, but he drank you in like he couldn’t get enough. He was parched as he lapped at you just as a cat would lap up some cream. A soft flattened tongue that explored every ridge or fold that it could. Even if it didn’t feel good in that particular area, you moaned just as loudly because gods he made it feel good somehow. Your mind made the phantom-like sensation into reality. Just the sight of him, alone. Curiously licking the juncture between your thigh and pussy. Making a noise like he’d just tasted something positively delectable. You were falling for him all over again.
Despite how enthusiastic he’d been, he hadn’t paid much attention to your clit. It throbbed and ached for his touch but you didn’t know how to ask him to kiss it more. You felt awkward, and a little embarrassed to make demands, even if he was the one that wanted to do this in the first place. You also felt an odd pressure to keep going with the flow, considering it was his first time doing something like this. You wanted him to thoroughly enjoy himself, and not worry too much about how good it was.
His tongue started from your dripping hole, licking up whatever he could in the moment. If he stayed right there, he wouldn’t cover much area. He knew that it would be frustrating for you if he focused too long on one thing. But he was just so addicted to the sweet honey that was provided on tap for him.
He begrudgingly dragged his tongue away, flat with the slightest pressure just the way you liked. Up to the nub he’d been curious about, but felt a little intimidated by. Whenever he’d run his tongue over it lightly, you’d tense up and tighten your grip on his hair. It was clearly sensitive, he wasn’t sure how much he could do to it without hurting you.
He gently ran his tongue over it, made sure there was enough saliva to cushion his tastebuds against it even more. Just as he knew you would, you scraped your nails against his scalp, gripped his hair, and squeezed your thighs around him.
“Fuck, that good?” He asked, heaving in breaths as he looked up at you. Captivating mako that swam inside of an oceanic blue gaze. The prettiest eyes you’d ever had the pleasure of being lost in. You moaned out loud when he kept eye contact with you, and descended upon that sensitive little button again. Slow, calculated licks just to gauge your reaction. You were blushing so furiously, hair mussed up, tears in your eyes as you watched him. It felt like your lower tummy was burning, if he kept it up you were sure to cum all over him.
“So good, feels so good. Don’t stop, Cloud, give it to me.” You breathed out, airy and high pitched as you whined and writhed beneath him. “That’s my spot, kiss it more.”
“Whatever you want.” He kissed your clit, licked it, sucked on it, then kissed it again. You rocked against his face as he lapped at it slowly. He took the hint, experimentally licked it faster and your hips stuttered.
“Ah! Yes!” You cried out, gripping the sheets and his hair at the same time. Your body seemed to vibrate in place, jolted upwards involuntarily. He had to apply a little bit of force behind the way he caged you in with his arms to hold you in place. Against his face, around his head; he refused to let you move so much as an inch.
Cloud was all spit, tongue, and thrashing head movements as he got more engrossed in the feeling of you and the gradual increase in pitch of your noises. It was euphoric, he didn’t even need to touch himself to feel like he was getting off. The sensation of you moving across his tongue, the visual stimulation, your god damn noises. He could cum just from eating you.
He was beside himself, hardly registered that you were even talking to him as he intensified his ministrations. Back and forth, up and down, faster and faster, it was so wet that the sounds of you gushing over his tongue filled the room more than your noises did. You couldn’t even think of your slumbering friends in the room just below the bed you were laid out on. Not as you continued to cry out for him.
“Cloud, yes!”
“Right there!”
“Oh shit, I’m sensitive there!”
“Oh!”
“Mmm-!”
“Ah!”
“Ngh, don’t stop!”
“Feels so good, fuck!”
Each thing that came prattling out of your drooling maw only spurred him on. Blond featherlike hair, bounced and swayed as his head moved against your dripping essence. Just when you could catch your breath, he would kiss your clit then flatten his tongue against it. A soft, pillowy pressure, so wet and slippery and your grip tightened in his hair. He moaned into you. Punctuated each noise you made with a fat smooch right where you were most sensitive. He just had to make out with that little nub. It was all tongue, with a little teeth, frantic movements that had you panting loudly.
“Good?”
“The best, ngh..”
Smooch.
“Right here?”
“Right there, yes, ah!”
Smooch.
“Want more?”
“Fuuuck yes, gimme more!”
Smooch.
He just loved hearing you speak, your voice sounded strained, hoarse, strangled even and his poor cock was drooling in his undergarments. Your lower half spoke even louder as more of your arousal trickled out of you. Cloud could practically gulp you down, he loudly slurped, groaned, smacked his lips. He didn’t want this to end.
“Cloud, hold on, ’s a lot!” You held his hair firm, tugged on it just a bit. It wasn’t like you wanted him to stop, your stomach was just tingling dangerously at that point. Your clit throbbed as his tongue continued to caress it.. “Ease up, ‘imma cum if you go that hard!” Your lilted whine only had him sucking and licking with added vigor. “S-seriously I’m gonna-!”
“Then cum, I won’t stop ‘til you tell me to.”
That bastard knew you couldn’t tell him to stop. Not when you’d done this much, gone this far. You were drunk on the feeling of him and he could see it clear as day.
He continued at that erratic pace, licking, rubbing, sucking. His lips hypnotized you as that burning knot began to tighten right in the pit of your tummy. The ghost of one of his fingers traced your entrance as his mouth stayed glued to your little button. He tapped, gently dipped inside, a silent question that you answered by shifting your hips. His finger was swallowed up, eagerly and hungrily. He moaned out, a sound that had your head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut. Pretty cries that left your mouth to fill the heady motel room.
Your insides were just so tight, with his finger he could tell so clearly. He throbbed in his briefs, gentle bobbing that had beads of pre trickle and bloom against the fabric. He wanted to feel you, but held himself firm. This wasn’t about him, what he really needed was for you to cum all over him.
Even though it started off as an experimental, in and out motion while he rubbed his tongue up and down, things very quickly intensified. Cloud sped up his movements, used his free hand to help you rock against his face and into his touch. It was too much, you felt you’d burst at any minute. His pace was a little uneven, movements a bit too hasty, he just needed you to cum.
“I’m gonna…ngh….” You squeezed your eyes shut again, closed your legs around him as much as you could. With your back arched into the most pretty crescent, he played your body like a finely-tuned instrument. Added a second finger, and in response you squeezed him even tighter. Cloud nodded his head in encouragement, backed off to watch his fingers disappear in and out. He drove them in hard, and when he suckled on your clit once more, it drove you over the edge. “Oh, Cloud, I’m cumming!”
“That’s it.” He let you ride out the waves of your pleasure on his face. Lovingly caressed the tips of his fingers against that spongey spot inside of you that had you seeing an even brighter white. The stimulation became a little too much, and you pressed his forehead away from you. Tapped his bicep until he let you go with a loud huff of air. He needed to catch his breath, finally allowed himself to collapse next to you in exhaustion. While the both of you breathed heavily, with flushed cheeks, starry eyes, and red lips; you reached out for his hand.
It was timid, as if you were nervous to touch him. Nervous to crave his touch and presence, even after all that had went on that entire evening. He snorted, squeezed your hand tightly, then brought it up to his mouth. He affectionately kissed your hand, then rested it between the both of you again.
“Cloud, I can touch you if you wan-”
“Next time. I’m good right now.” He grimaced, shifted in his spot, then turned his head to the side. But you saw it, the way his ears bloomed such a beautiful rouge. He didn’t want you to know that he definitely came in his briefs while he fingered you.
“I really don’t mind helpi-”
“I’m tellin’ you that you really don’t gotta worry ‘bout me.” You nodded, not wanting to be too pushy. If he was good, then you were good.
“That felt really nice.” You said after a couple of beats.
“Glad to hear it.”
“Y’sure that was your first time doing that?”
“Pretty sure.”
There was a brief pause. It wasn’t awkward, neither of you had the brain power for conversation after all that. Your breaths were still breathy and hoarse, sweat slicked your foreheads. You both stared at the ceiling, and Cloud squeezed your hand.
“Just to be clear,” he started, he shifted on his side to look at you, “I won’t do this stuff with anyone else.”
Your heart stuttered, “Why’s that?”
“I’m serious ‘bout you.”
You grinned, uncharacteristically bashful despite still laying bare beside him. You didn’t need to respond to him. Regardless of how things would turn out in the future, because you were sure there were things the both of you needed to work on; you felt like everything would be okay.
Cloud was known for being a kind man, a hard-ass at times sure, but he was not dishonest. He was incredibly loyal. Devoted to a fault. You had to believe him when he said he was interested in you.
Some more time passed in comfortable silence. You’d moved up the bed, he’d shed his sullied clothes and joined you under his covers. You were laid against his chest, still in disbelief over the fact that he’d just eaten you within an inch of your life. Right as you were about to reach up, you caressed his cheek to bring him into a kiss your phone loudly pinged.
You reached over to where it was discarded, the bright screen almost blinding you as you opened the message.
Aerith: Listen girl, I’m happy for you; but pls get some rest. We gotta be up in three hours. :P xoxo
•
a/n: sorry for taking more than a month off, I’m finally feeling myself again and I’ve also been working on my writing!! Look forward to more please :3 this request was so fun
Oh boy, a complex character who's a woman! I love messy characters who hurt everyone around them and continue the cycles that hurt them!! Can't wait to share this joy with fellow fans– why's everyone calling her a bitch
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has anyone noticed that after the porn ban of 2018 tumblr was essentially killed from the mainstream and everyone flocked to other social media sites like twitter and meta. then those sites got enshittified to where twitter became Nazi Central and meta sites had an entire meme around getting “zucced” aka mark zuckerberg himself would ban you for saying a no-no word like fuck. and then the mainstream shifted to tiktok where infamous toddlerspeak sentences like “he got unalived by a pew pew” were born because if you once again say a no-no word like kill or gun or any other word that isn’t corporate i mean kid friendly then the algorithm will bury your post into the ground. and somehow we’ve come full circle and tumblr is now the most bearable social media site because although we can’t have female presenting nipples we can at least talk to each other like adults. has anyone noticed that at all or is it just me and the flaming skull
How I feel after reading a smutty fic, a pornhwa and listening to a nsfw audio (my rotating blunt fr). The post nut clarity hits me like a truck and I feel so dirty and guilty afterwards but I still do it all over again (╯︵╰,)
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