AAAAAAAAAAAA

So one of the most common things I see on my Mead posts is “I’d love to do that, but I don’t have the stuff”

We’ll sit down and buckle up. Because I’m about to show you how to make a $12.56 traditional mead.

Here’s the recipe:

1 gallon Deer Park/spring water. You don’t want distilled.

3 lb or 32 fluid ounces honey.

One package of yeast.

a party balloon.

The cost total is $13.49, but you only need one pack of yeast. So -$0.90.

Let’s begin:

Everything together on a clean work surface, you will need a clean glass. And while not entirely necessary, a measuring cup will be handy.

Pour a cup of water for yourself and drink it. Hydration is important. Also this will allow you headspace.

Remove about ehhhhh, a quart or so of water to drink later.

Trust me. You’re going to want it

You have two options for yeast, that bread yeast we bought, or professional brewer’s yeast.

They’re both the same price. You can get brewers yeast off of Amazon.

I already have brewer’s yeast, so I’m using brewer’s yeast

Stick that in that honey water.

Stick your honey in some hot water.

Go outside. Breath the free air. Know what it is… To truely live.

Enough of that bitch. Honey’s hot. Put it in the water.

Put the water in the honey too.

Shake the sin out of it.

Shake the sh*t outta it.

Hydrate yourself with the water you removed earlier.

Shank a balloon with a pin.

Add your yeasty honey water.

Balloon it.

Label it.

If your trad mead says anything racist, or anything positive about Hitler. Straighten that sh*t out.

And there you go. $12 (.56) traditional mead. Stick it somewhere dark and leave it alone for a while.

-Cut, establishing shot of Jerry’s apartment, bass riff.-

GEORGE: He/him, Jerry!

JERRY: No, they just him’d you?

GEORGE: HE. HIM! I gave them a BUFFET, and they went for plain white bread. Genders as far as the eye could see! Something with an X in it!

JERRY: No pronouns?

GEORGE: No pronouns.

JERRY: No-nouns?

GEORGE: No-nouns.

JERRY: Alright, well, if that’s what you want…

GEORGE: Oh, it is! I’m living the pronoun-free life, starting now. The buffet is CLOSED, Jerry. From here on out I am George and only George!

-George storms out of the apartment and into the hallway. Enter Elaine, baffled and unaware of the conversation that just took place.-

ELAINE: What’s his problem?