anarkitti

same

me: [lying] honestly

It’s weird to think that nighttime is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, radiating ball of flame.

Don’t fuck me up like this

whoa

God, listening to John Mulaney talk about doing hard fucking drugs in his youth is like hearing a nun reminisce on her last orgy before she converted. What do you mean you didn’t come out of the womb with a fatherly demeanor and crippling anxiety?

The hardest drug I can picture John Mulvaney doing is a bottle of tums

There is either a cowboy in your house or there isn’t and you have to deal with that

……..what does this mean

It means you just have to deal with that

Adulthood is literally just a cycle of spending every waking minute wishing you could go to bed until it’s actually time for bed and then it becomes the absolute LAST thing you want to do because going to bed is the thing that makes tomorrow happen and then you have to do it all over again