Coolest Cat

they need to come up with more words like necrosis and miasma and mausoleum and cadaver and morose and decrepit and stuff like that just so metal bands can expand their vocabulary

Fidel Castro

kitten fever is worse than baby fever because a kitten is way easier to obtain than a baby so it's more dangerous

you cant obtain me. tiger stance

I cannot emphasize enough how exactly accurate this is to working in production

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

devil may happy :)

Wouldn’t it’ve made more sense to to say devil may smile?

critique my post ever again and devil may angry

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

i have an urgent suggestion

Bug bites are the devil's kisses — new proverb

Ohhh the earthly delights

I love when someone is explaining instructions to a group I’m in and they look at me and it reminds them to say something about using preferred names/pronouns or that there’s vegan food options available. I go by my given name/pronouns and I’m not vegan but I’m proud that I can provide this service

not now bro i’m accepting things i cannot change

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

Are you a badass enough of a motherfucker to give me a hug

"that time of the month" "monthly visitor" "feminine hygiene products" GRRAH!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! PERIOD!! MENSTRUATION!!!! TAMPONS!!! PADS!! MENOPAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!

VAGINA!!!!

somewhere, there’s moonlight on the ocean