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@alula-australis
College AU Russian studies major Shane Hollander forgets to tell the fuckbuddy he met through his speaking tutor Svetlana Vetrova that he is fluent in Russian and that he understands phrases like "you're so fucking perfect" and "you have ruined me" and "you look like a sexy librarian you perfect slut"
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retired mlh star ilya rozanov gets bored and lonely and sometimes has an itch a hookup can't scratch, so he buys a large plot of land in the middle of nowhere canada and every now and then he pays someone to let him hunt them through the wilderness. what this looks like changes over time and varies person to person: sometimes there are knives, sometimes a gun; sometimes it lasts a week, sometimes an afternoon. one day he's in town, a few days before his next hunt, getting supplies, when he meets his neighbour shane hollander. he'd heard about shane, the kid who was meant to be just as good as him before a career ending injury took him out before their rookie year. he asks about what ilya's stocking up for, and ilya says he's going hunting, and shane asks what for. and in a moment of insanity, ilya thinks fuck it, and says he hasn't met him yet. things lock into place when shane says, maybe you have. ilya cancels his meetup with a beautiful young woman within the hour. things only get messy when shane realises ilya doesn't actually intend to kill him.
@bedlund did you say more....? Shane finally has his Baby Ilya to match
retired mlh star ilya rozanov gets bored and lonely and sometimes has an itch a hookup can't scratch, so he buys a large plot of land in the middle of nowhere canada and every now and then he pays someone to let him hunt them through the wilderness. what this looks like changes over time and varies person to person: sometimes there are knives, sometimes a gun; sometimes it lasts a week, sometimes an afternoon. one day he's in town, a few days before his next hunt, getting supplies, when he meets his neighbour shane hollander. he'd heard about shane, the kid who was meant to be just as good as him before a career ending injury took him out before their rookie year. he asks about what ilya's stocking up for, and ilya says he's going hunting, and shane asks what for. and in a moment of insanity, ilya thinks fuck it, and says he hasn't met him yet. things lock into place when shane says, maybe you have. ilya cancels his meetup with a beautiful young woman within the hour. things only get messy when shane realises ilya doesn't actually intend to kill him.
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This makes them look like the main couple and imma be so clear THIS relationship WOULD end in a murder-suicide that people would talk about for decades even outside the hockey world TRUSTT
condo stairway scene gets me every single time bc of the way ilya lingers. the way he takes way too long to tie his shoes & adjust his jeans, the way he stands for a moment even though his cab is definitely there & the way he teases shane as he slowly lowers himself to give the sweetest, most unhurried kiss goodbye.
Rolex invites Shane to the Royal Box at Wimbledon again and this time Shane accepts because Rolex specifically asked if he could bring his husband as well and fuck yes he can and together Ilya and Shane are ready to serve so much cunt. They both get dressed in some sharp, elevated summer suits, Ilya in Versace and Shane in Gucci, the dramatic sunglasses & the bitchiest, judgiest mogging are ON, they mirror each other as they cross their legs; occasionally they're holding hands or sit with Ilya's arm around Shanes waist, they are the epitome of power husbands & this is their playground. Do they have one clue what is going on on the court? Of course not. That doesn't stop them from having a fabulous time showing off each other. They know they steal the limelight looking as devastating as they do, together. Turns out these dreadful PR appointments are actually incredible fun when you have your husband/best friend / soulmate with you and Shane can't imagine how he ever did this without Ilya.
Now picture this, occasionally they whisper into each other's ears, sometimes its just sweet nothigns and sometimes it's some devastating chirps about tennis, and each time a precious smile breaks through, only for each other, but it drives the photographers wild.
(afterwards, Ilya is excited to have the perfect summer with Shane where they fuck their way across europe)
What is it about Shane that you love and were drawn to? He is hyper competent at this one thing. He’s stereotypically masculine in a lot of regards. He’s a kind person, and he’s so overtly Canadian. He’s harboring something that he thinks is a career-ending secret because he just doesn’t have the emotional maturity or societal maturity to sort of understand what his own queerness means. To him, it’s most likely detrimental, which is the wrong assumption to some degree, but it shatters his own idea of what his masculinity is, or at least it cripples it. And yet, he still never harms a fly. (via The Hollywood Reporter)
↳ hudcon week 2026, day four: favourite quote
long distance selfies
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i love shane so much :( it's peak shaney to ask questions that are kind of weird (i.e. 'sick like crazy??' and 'is it like... very upsetting??' and my favorite 'what will they do to you there???' re: ilya and russia LOL) but ultimately shane will use what he's learned from those questions to come up with a solution so simple and earnest like "well why don't you tell me everything that's on your mind, but in russian??? maybe it will help :)" like guh :'( ilya's so luckyy to have himmm shane just gets him and like pays so much attention to him and just LOVES HIM SOO MUCHHH :'( AND HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE BEST WAY ILYA CAN TALK ABOUT HIMSELF BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT'S HARD FOR HIMM :'(
hmm kind of want a childhood toxic best friends au where they're in love with each other and completely clueless about their own feelings and ilya keeps "stealing" girls shane says he's interested in by sleeping with them first.
and when shane finally does get a girlfriend when they're like eighteen, ilya seduces and fucks her. he thinks about shane the entire time and is absolutely furious with himself about it. he casually tells shane about it like a week later because as angry as he is at himself for doing something so terrible, he's equally angry at shane for making him feel this way and it makes him want to be cruel.
shane confronts his girlfriend about it and as she's tearfully apologizing to him, all he can think about is how jealous is of her. and he kind of wants to ask her what it felt like, getting fucked by ilya, and of course he hates himself so much for it that when she asks him to forgive her and take her back he says yes, just to punish all three of them.
why yes in this au they did get drunk when they were sixteen and "practice" kissing and then both of them pretended not to remember the next day.
(shane believes ilya when he says he doesn't remember. ilya knows shane is lying. this is torture for them both in different ways.)
shane x ilya: it’s all coming back to me now by celine dion
(this edit brought to you by canada)
@heatonice I have no self restraint and too much free time. I apologise...
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i love shane and hayden's hotel exchange in e4 because hayden genuinely just like "go get laid man we love to see you loosen up :)" whereas what shane's beautiful brain's processing is:
you love to be a keen and mindless instrument of pleasure in the hands of another man and if the years you've spent held in his hands and fucked into mindless abandon, his cocklut and cocksleeve and willing hole, has improved the only part of your Identity that you alone are Supposed to Have Control Over, then what are you, really, without him, and what are you with him? and they can see it, everybody can see it, they can see right through you, how you've forgotten yourself and made yourself his, and and you can do nothing about it, and you [slur] [slur] [slur] [slur] [slur] [slur] [slur] [slur] [slur] [slur] [slur]
Cant you get pathetic for me? - a dom ilya thesis
