A Song of Ice and Metas

The main events stay the same; the characterisation, the sequence of events and everything else I changed where I thought it appropriate.

Let me tell you a brief history of Elrond as a character.

First, he writes Elrond as an elven king of half-human ancestry. But he wants to emphasise his humanity more. Therefore, the character of Elrond "undergoes fission" and becomes two characters: an Elven king, Gil-Galad, and a Human king, loremaster Elrond.

Elrond the Human King goes on to found Numenor and, well, die, but Tolkien used him as a stand-in in that little fairy-tale of his he also used Thingol for, nothing important...

...yeah, that was Hobbit and soon the need arose to reconcile the "Elrond is dead" and "Elrond is alive" narratives.

Lo and behold, another fission! Now it's Elrond-alive, the loremaster, and Elros-dead, the king. And they are twins.

Now, my revolutionary idea!

Let Gil-Galad be the third triplet! It would be true to his textual history, it brilliantly explains why he is a king for both Iathrim and Noldor AND why Elrond is his heir... and also he has a proper Thingolian name: Ellach.

Manwe is Gandalf, and Gandalf is Manwe. I mean, "I am also a steward"? He's not even trying.

Also, Manwe is not, and never has been, a mellow calm guy. His was the power to end his brother's work (as per Tolkien's notes); he is the lord of winds, not still weather. I mean, he's the guy who spends time sitting on a top of the highest mountain with his equally weird and powerful wife, the guy who invented song and dance. He's pretty much Shiva! If he's not destroying everything, it's because he doesn't want to!

Ages have worn him down, mostly because he had to do nothing but mend what his brother had broken; his creative expression thus stifled, he found being Gandalf a great way to unwind and have fun.

Gandalf was his second, more direct way of interfering in the affairs of Middle-Earth. In the First Age he used a cloud illusion of an elven lord, called Gwaewen. Unlike Gandalf, Gwaewen was more of a puppet and Manwe himself remained in Valinor. Also unlike Gandalf, there were multiple Gwaewens. He tried to offer counsel to the Noldor, but was mostly ignored; then he tried to guide Sindar and was marginally more successful.

He has a red mantle made by Vaire. It's embroidered with birds in golden thread; all the birds in the world.

If Manwe is Chaos, as is Manwe's dearest friend Ulmo, then Varda is Order. She chose Manwe precisely because, chaotic as he was, he had respect for ordered things and understood their necessity. Unlike certain someone who saw any attempt at planning as unforgivable.

If Manwe is all about interfering directly, but in mundane ways (counsel, maybe a helping hand) Varda is about overseeing from the above and providing miracles if called for. She is the only one allowed power over the world beyond Aman even after the Fall of Numenor - precisely for that reason.

Her best friend is Mandos, as they have a lot in common and understand each other perfectly. That is precisely why they've never been in love with each other, though; both sought someone who would compliment them, not their mirror image.

She is a solitary person and spends a lot of time simply gazing at Middle-Earth and hoping someone calls for her help, especially after losing her son Fionwe Ilveran, captured and tortured by Morgoth. Elves respect her for being ready to help, but they mostly socialise with Manwe.

Like, you know it's not like that in-canon, but the hc just won't leave your head.

When I was young, there was no access to HoME, so I've always imagined Feanor as red-haired, for example.

There are offensive fanons. Problematic fanons.

And then there are godawful stupid fanons.

And one of those is that fandom at large tends to consider Palantiri something akin to magic smartphones.

Also fandom: Eol is poor meow meow, nothing wrong with murdering his wife, she was most definitely racist.

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Fandom: Turgon was a rampaging racist! He forced Ondotlim Sindar to speak Quenya!

Also fandom: Thingol is a horrible racist, the Noldor needed to teach all the Sindar Quenya, which is clearly a superior language.

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Gender (and sex) is for Ainur less of identity and more of personal taste. You like wearing skirts, I like wearing jeans, this sort of thing. Their identity is "genderless eldritch being" and our concept of gender is as alien to them as their whatever is to us.

Exception one: Yavanna really identifies as female, but it's a question of sex, not gender for her. She feels intimately connected to females of all species and their role as mothers. All her fanas are female, even a tree.

Exception two: Ulmo doesn't even bother to choose a single gender to present as. He's fluid, like water, ever changing. One moment he's an old man, then a child, than an elf-maid, and then he thinks someone is really being too hasty and turns into an ent.

Elves have no concept of nonbinary or transgender (they are, after all, beings in perfect harmony with their bodies), so they designated him male to create balance (7 valar, 7 valier). He didn't mind because he doesn't really care.

Ulmo has fallen in love with Nowe (Cirdan) even before Cirdan awoken. He saw a glimpse of him in the Third Theme. When he met him for real, Ulmo was kinda speechless and circled through forms, trying to choose the most beautiful and alluring. Cirdan laughed and thus broke the ice. Soon, they were inseparable.

I like the idea of Valarindi, so. Yes, there were children born to Valar. And to Maiar. And to descendants of Maiar. "Born" though is not exactly the right word; they are created, literally woven from pieces of their parents' souls. It requires a lot of time and patience, and severely drains both parents, especially if one of them is not an Ainu.

Orome was a kid of Yavanna and Aule, and the sole Valarindo who was actually _born_, not woven. That's why he's generally less "spiritual", just as his sister-wife Vana and their son Tulcas.

Caring for Orome (who was actually born and therefore had to grow up) was what made Aule yearn for more children and led him to the creation of dwarves.

Nienna chose to remain single so that her love would be shared equally between everything and everyone, not given to a single person. She is most like a nun in that respect; she could've found her special other, but decided not to look for.

-@outofangband

19. Alcarinque is the type who will silently bear with anything until they can't bear it any more and then they go KABOOM. Her major berserk button is disorder; people who make a mess and most importantly don't clean up that mess when told to... especially if said mess is anywhere near her darling BOOKS...